Aug 292011

“In secret we met—
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?—
With silence and tears.”

When We Two Parted by Lord Byron  (last lines)
Aug 042011

I’m embarrassed to say I miss Mr. Guerre.

He told me he loved me. He stroked my head. He begged me. He made love to me. He fucked me. He held my hand. He held my face in his hands. He told me I was the best he ever had. He told me I was the love of his life. He wrote me love letters. He marked how many times during the day he thought about me on his hand. He sent me pictures of the moon. He told me he loved me everyday. He told me we were destined to be together. I believed him.

He also lied to me, led me on, used me, manipulated me, dis-respected me and took advantage of me.

And in the end … when push came to shove … he chose her.

And it hurts.

Because, if you love someone you fight for them, you sacrifice, you make difficult decisions, you chase fear away and jump. When you love someone, you are brave and respectful and compassionate. When you love someone you see truth in their eyes and decide that’s how you want to see the world.  He didn’t love me.

At least I know I loved honestly and unexpurgated. I loved wholly and vulnerably. I loved him despite his failings and because of his flaws. I loved his scars and his other imperfections because that’s what made him beautiful to me. I loved what I thought was his soul. But it turns out it was only what he wanted me to see. I was duped. I was dumped. I was devastated … but I’m moving on.

– Lady Cheeky    8/11

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