Sep 282012
 

If you’re here, then you must like smut and you must be smart.  That makes you my kind of person.  When Lady Cheeky and I were talking about some type of guest post/collaboration for the site, we were very much on the same page right from the beginning, with ideas firing off left, right and centre.  It’s exciting to be in that type of conversation: two women, thrilled to be talking about sexuality and their minds.  While we ping-ponged correspondence, she was sweet enough to wax philosophical about why she likes what I do.  (What I do, in case you didn’t know, is make loving, sensual and respectful porn all about blowjobs.)

As she addressed the values of actually enjoying what you do, I got thinking.  It’s all well and good to believe that people should love giving pleasure, but it’s not quite as easy as that, especially depending on their personal experiences.  It’s just like anything else that you know is important and good for you, but isn’t necessarily easy to do.  Sometimes your presence of mind is there and you are able to do it, and there are moments where it seems like it could totally become routine and eventually natural for you, but then something stalls and you feel out of place…  Learning a new routine is hard.

So what do you do if you find yourself giving pleasure more out of a sense of duty than from a deep desire within?  What if you don’t have that innate natural urge to do that thing your partner loves?  Well, you have to give yourself some reasons, some time to ruminate on them and remind yourself that it’s a process.

There are a lot of good reasons to learn to love to give sexually.  Among them, it really does improve sex.  If your partner is feeling like you care about their pleasure, they’ll have an infinitely better time.  And not that it’s all about quid pro quo, but (in many cases) the more you give, the more you get.  Being open to giving pleasure fosters an environment that encourages that for both of you.  By receiving pleasure, your partner is reminded of how good that feels and hopefully the cycle will continue.

In order to give pleasure, there needs to be a lot of communication, whether it’s verbal or body language or just feeling the energy between you.  The more you unfold about the way they like to feel, the more you’ll understand them.  Not that sex is always an indicator of the way people are in other aspects of life, but you may find yourself with a deeper appreciation for their little quirks…  You may see more of them in everything they do by unfolding this new side.  Having this type of insight can mean so much for a relationship.

There’s also a real sense of empathy that can crop up.  That isn’t to say that you will feel bad for not naturally being a pleasure-giver, but getting close like this can put you in tune not only with their physical reactions, but with their emotional ones too. Seeing your partner in the afterglow of amazing sex can bring up so many feelings.  It can be quite an incredible experience, and you really do get hooked on that sensation.  Everything leading up to that moment becomes all the more exciting and necessary in retrospect, and that does help to shift into the pleasure-giving mentality.

It’s nice to develop a new skill.  It makes you feel good about yourself to feel like you’re good at something, and making your partner feel amazing is one of the most beautiful and complicated things you can do.  It’s not always going to happen, but even in the pursuit of an orgasm, you create amazing sensations.  It’s an excellent self-esteem boost, not just for a job well-done, but for opening up and getting better in tune with this part of yourself.

That’s a wonderful thing.  It does take a certain vulnerability to be able to really give yourself over to creating sensuality.  It’s not just as simple as giving a blowjob or a handjob or whatever it is you’re trying to appreciate from within…  It’s about accessing a whole different level of eroticism and connection.  it’s a path to understanding yourself better, because you go through things and you think about your reactions and your preconceptions in order to get there.  It may sound cheesy, but there is an element of a journey to really getting in touch with a way to enjoy giving pleasure and making that a part of your life.  It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it for everyone.

ABOUT CAMILLE CRIMSON:
Camille Crimson is the webmaster and performer behind TheArtofBlowjob.com and SlowMotionBlowjob.com.  She also keeps her own blog at CamilleCrimson.com and has had writing recently featured on xoJane.comGoodMenProject.com and has a weekly advice column on Fleshbot.com.  She believes that blowjobs can be sensual, connected and fun and that porn can truly be beautiful.

Sep 272012
 
nobooks_nofruckneedlepoint-e1321298325128

        Amazon.com: Lady Cheeky: Lady Cheeky’s Book Suggestions

In case you were looking for some scintillating or informative reading on SEX … I put together a list of my favorites. I could only do this as a “wish list” on AMAZON, but don’t worry , I’m not asking you to buy me books!  Just thought I’d provide a list of books I like to those that are interested.  xo LC

Sep 272012
 
nobooks_nofruckneedlepoint-e1321298325128

        Amazon.com: Lady Cheeky: Lady Cheeky’s Book Suggestions

In case you were looking for some scintillating or informative reading on SEX … I put together a list of my favorites. I could only do this as a “wish list” on AMAZON, but don’t worry , I’m not asking you to buy me books!  Just thought I’d provide a list of books I like to those that are interested.  xo LC

Sep 242012
 

aneros_evi_500

By Ariana Rodriguez - Monday, Sep 24, 2012

LONG BEACH, Calif. — Evi, a hands-free Kegel exerciser by health-conscious manufacturer Aneros, made its debut at the CatalystCon conference in Long Beach, on Sept. 14-16.

For more information on Evi by Aneros, or to enter a raffle to win an Evi, visitAneros.com/evi/.

Evi was presented to CatalystCon attendees by Ducky Dolittle, a sexpert of more than 20 years.  Doolittle’s seminar, “Kegels and the Art of Orgasm” offered conference attendees a guided tour of the female anatomy and the benefits of strengthening PC muscles, which control urine flow and contract during orgasm. A self-proclaimed “kegel monster,” Doolittle offered her full endorsement of Evi, noting her personal mind-blowing experience with Aneros’ latest design and subsequent partnership with the brand after personally contacting Aneros.

“It’s totally unique,” Doolittle said in her presentation of Evi.  “Aneros understands the anatomy unlike any other company.”

CatalystCon organizer Dee Dennis stated, “I was thrilled ANEROS chose CatalystCon to debut Evi.  CatalystCon is about creating change, and I feel we created something groundbreaking by launching a product not at the traditional industry trade show, but instead with actual sex education, going right to those who will use Evi.  The message Aneros sent by debuting Evi at CatalystCon was their first concern is not bottom line or sales, but the sexual health and well being of those who will be using Evi.”

The hands-free device is anatomically designed to fit all women and is made of medical grade silicone material guaranteeing users stimulation while strengthening PC muscles. With correct insertion, Evi alternately stimulates the G-spot and clitoris with a simple Kegel exercise, essentially providing pleasurable incentives for Kegel fitness, the company said.

Firm enough to pivot and hold its shape, while providing comfort, Evi is described as delivering a delightful inner fullness by adapting to the anatomical contours of a woman’s vagina.  Contracting and relaxing pelvic floor muscles causes Evi to stroke the anterior wall of the vagina known as the G-spot, while externally stimulating the clit.  The pace and pressure can be controlled by rocking and twirling the hips, thus offering women versatile stimulation.

According to the company, early reviews of Evi report strengthened PC muscles and intense orgasms marked by involuntary vaginal contractions, to which Evi responds by elongating the experience and often leading to female ejaculation.  For newbies, Evi by Aneros serves as a tool for gauging PC muscle strength, while encouraging fitness through pleasure.

Sex blogger and sex-positive activist Lady Cheeky said, “I was interested in Evi primarily for its kegel focus.  I found Evi provided me with a comfortable, and dare I say, enjoyable workout for my pelvic floor muscles.  Once inserted, my kegels were immediately engaged and intuitively clasped onto Evi, making the kegel exercise itself thought-free.  Extremely comfortable, I could walk, sit, and drive, all the while knowing Evi was secure and doing its job.  Evi is like a barbell for your lady bits!”

“We attend a lot of conferences and have interacted with a lot of sponsors, and we’ve never been as impressed as we were with Aneros at CatalystCon,” EvilSlutopia.com co-founders and executive editors Lilith and Jezebel said.  “The fact they chose CatalystCon for the Evi launch says a lot about them as a company and their dedication to sex positivity and sex education…We’ve never seen any sponsor treat the conference organizer so well or be so genuinely nice, helpful, and professional and just overall fucking awesome to everyone.”

At the conclusion of Doolittle’s presentation of Evi at CatalystCon, a raffle sent several enthusiastic winners home with an Evi of their own — however, discarded packaging in the women’s bathroom suggested some women couldn’t wait to take Evi for a spin.

You can find out more about the EVI by Aneros on http://www.aneros.com/evi/

Sep 222012
 
IMG_0281*I wish there were more articles written about how important this is to any relationship. This is concise and accurate. I’ve always said “it takes at least a week to seduce a woman” … I’m glad other people agree. What do you think? *

Originally published on 9/21/12 on www.kimanami.com

I’m into mindf**king.

I like to be penetrated long before any physical contact takes place.

In fact, I need to be.

Witty banter, teasing, verbal double entendres—all foreplay for me.

The people I am attracted to have a keen grasp on language, ideas and poetry. Little that they say is strictly linear or without a hint of play or sexuality.

I’ve written about the only battle for lovers to have.  

For me, that battle starts early. It could go on for days. Weeks. It doesn’t need to stop.

Each throw down we have, each time we cannot resist physical touch any longer, wipes the slate clean and gives us the chance to start anew.

Who will bring the other person to wetness or hardness first? Who will be so overcome with desire that they tackle the other person when they get in the door?

You know that I suggest that couples schedule a weekly three-hour sex date.  Ideally, you have several other sex dates throughout the week. (Though if you do it right, the three hours can carry you into the next week).

Prior to that sex date, even days prior, you want to begin foreplay.

The art of great foreplay is a hint of what’s to come, without spilling everything. It’s the desire mixed with the uncertainty of whether it will really happen or how.

It’s compliments. Genuine ones. We open and disarm each other, stripping the other bare.

Steamy, sexual craving is generated out of a deeply honest conversation. Again, you are removing the barriers between you.

One of my favourite “sexual simmer” tools is via texting.

The beauty of texting/sexting is that you can have sex with your partner all day long.

And you ought to.

When you get into heavy-duty flirting texting, the key is to dance around the obvious, not dive into the obvious.

For example, if my lover was to text me:

“I want you to suck my cock.”

Well, chances are, I want to suck his cock too. What’s far more interesting and arousing is playing with the possibility of me sucking his cock. And how.

Pay attention to ways in which you could work in phrases like “on your knees” or “open-mouthed” or “spray” or “swallow” into the conversation. It ought to be natural. Remember, the implied act goes much farther than the clear naming of it.

This is an art form.

It’s called seduction.

The more you practice it, the better you get at it.

“It” ought to comprise the subtext of many of your conversations. This is the stuff of the “constant simmer” that I talk about maintaining between you and in between your sex dates.

This keeps your sexual energy high. It keeps you connected.

It ought to keep you so wet and so hard, that when it comes time for your sex date, you are 80% ready for physical penetration.

Because you’ve spent the last hours and days penetrating the hell out of each other.

Sep 212012
 

tumblr_mpfoj8klb71rstwhgo1_400Big Think Interview With Barry Komisaruk
A conversation with Komisaruk, the Rutgers psychologist and author of “The Orgasm Answer Guide.”

Question: Are men and women hard-wired to have the same sexual responses?

Barry Komisaruk: There was an interesting research study by Vance and Wagner that was done in 1975; it was a long time ago, but it was a very interesting study where they asked men and women to describe their orgasms in writing and then they removed all specific references to the genitals, so you couldn’t tell whether it was a man or a women — these were college students describing their orgasms — and then they gave the descriptions. Each one was about a short paragraph of the description of the orgasm. They gave the descriptions to sex therapists and various experts in sexuality, M.D.s, asking, “Can you tell which one is written by a male and which is written by a female?” The upshot of the experiment was that they couldn’t identify accurately whether the description of the orgasm was made by a man or a woman.

So on that basis, my conclusion and their conclusion is that the feelings of orgasm, when you remove the specific reference to the genitals or which difference between the the genitals and the sexes, that the feelings of the orgasm are indistinguishable from each other, between men and women.

Question: Why are some women unable to climax?

Barry Komisaruk: We don’t really know why some women can’t experience orgasms. I started out by some years ago trying to find women who don’t experience orgasms to study them in looking at their brain activity during genital self-stimulation and we identified one women and she — but she before she came to our lab she said she got a new boyfriend and now she’s had her first orgasm. So that did it for that experiment. We’re still looking and it is a very interesting question. We don’t really know. Certainly there are situations in which with peripheral nerve damage or diabetes, these can impede the neural transmission, the sensory nerves.

It’s much rarer in the case of men. McKenzie reported that only a few, two or three, of the men they interviewed out of many hundreds could have orgasms by thought alone, but we have found a substantial number of women who can have orgasms just by thinking. We’ve studied them and are continuing to study them and it’s really very interesting. We measured their heart rate and blood pressure and pain thresholds, which pain thresholds go up during orgasm. In other words, we found that women become much less sensitive to pain during orgasm and also their pupils dilate. All those measures, the heart rate, blood pressure, pain thresholds, and pupil dilations, they are all about doubled during orgasm generated by genital self-stimulation.

What we found is that women – we had ten women in the laboratory who said they could have orgasms just by thought and we measured their physiological responses when they applied genital self-stimulation, actual physical stimulation, and then we compared it with when they said they had orgasms by though alone. The physiological responses were essentially the same. They were indistinguishable. In other words, those women were really having orgasms just by thinking. They had different ideas – we asked them what their thought process was to elicit the orgasm and some said they had erotic imagery, but others said they had pastoral imagery, like walking along the shore on a warm summer day. Other women have a much more abstract image such as imagining the energy moving up and down their body and producing the orgasm. So, there are big individual differences.

Now we’re looking at their brain activity in women who have orgasms by thought alone and we are seeing very great similarities between when they have orgasms by just thinking and orgasms when they do genital self-stimulation.

Question: Is there something psychological going on?

Barry Komisaruk: We’re starting to study men and it’s a very good question, but we don’t really know what the difference is. It seems to be much rarer in men than in women. One of the things we are finding, very new findings, is that when women think of different parts of their body, the thinking about those parts of the body activates the sensory cortex. There’s a map of the body on the sensory cortex. In other words, the fingers are in one place and the toes are represented in another place, the face is represented in another place, the genitals in another place. It’s all systematically laid out, very much like the body plan is laid out on the sensory cortex.

What we’re finding is that when women think about their finger being stimulated, or they think about their toe being stimulated, or they think about their clitoris being stimulated, or their nipple, that the corresponding part of the body, the representation of it in the sensory cortex, of those body parts is actually activated just as if they are really being stimulated physically. I think one of the interesting questions is whether, since women can think their genital systems into actual activity in the brain, can men do the same thing? If they can’t then that might be a way of understanding why women can have orgasms by thought alone. Are the activating their genital sensory representation, which then spreads to other parts of the brain? And can men not do that? We don’t really know. But we have the tools to investigate that.

Question: How is the brain related to female sexual response?

Barry Komisaruk: Well, it’s interesting that you ask that question because we are really dealing with that right now. Since we know that if you think about the clitoris, or think about the G-spot, or think about the cervix that the corresponding part of the brain map for those parts of the body, those become activated. So, one question is whether women who can think themselves to orgasm, do they think their genital activation that the brain representation of the genitalia into activity and does that spread to the other systems that are involved in orgasm, how do they do it? We want to understand how they do it normally and then the question is what if we ask women to think about the genitals more intensively? Or, will they be able to intensify the response in their genital sensory cortex, and will that spread to other parts of the brain, will that facilitate their orgasm? I think it could be very useful in women who say that they don’t experience orgasms; it could be useful in women with spinal cord injury who can’t feel their external genitals. Can they think their brain into greater activation and will that facilitate their orgasm?

That’s a question that we are currently dealing with our brain research. It’s a very important and interesting question and it could be therapeutically useful. One of the techniques that we’ve developed is to have the women in the scanner looking at their own brain activity in near real time. The question is, if we can see our own brain activity in near real time in specific regions, can we voluntarily increase the activity of that part of the brain just by thinking about it, just as we can think about moving our finger and we can move our finger? We can wiggle our finger. We don’t know what we do, we learned to do it as an infant because we got the feedback between what we see and what we do, maybe we can do something with the brain. If we see our own brain activity, maybe we can make a change and maybe that’s going to change the way we feel, or the way we move. So, this is a new technology of near real time brain imaging with unlimited frontiers. We don’t really know how far we can go with that. But it’s a new approach.

Recorded on October 29, 2009 on www.bigthink.com   

“The Orgasm Answer Guide.” by Barry Komisaruk can be purchased on Amazon.com

 

Sep 212012
 

tumblr_mpfoj8klb71rstwhgo1_400Big Think Interview With Barry Komisaruk
A conversation with Komisaruk, the Rutgers psychologist and author of “The Orgasm Answer Guide.”

Question: Are men and women hard-wired to have the same sexual responses?

Barry Komisaruk: There was an interesting research study by Vance and Wagner that was done in 1975; it was a long time ago, but it was a very interesting study where they asked men and women to describe their orgasms in writing and then they removed all specific references to the genitals, so you couldn’t tell whether it was a man or a women — these were college students describing their orgasms — and then they gave the descriptions. Each one was about a short paragraph of the description of the orgasm. They gave the descriptions to sex therapists and various experts in sexuality, M.D.s, asking, “Can you tell which one is written by a male and which is written by a female?” The upshot of the experiment was that they couldn’t identify accurately whether the description of the orgasm was made by a man or a woman.

So on that basis, my conclusion and their conclusion is that the feelings of orgasm, when you remove the specific reference to the genitals or which difference between the the genitals and the sexes, that the feelings of the orgasm are indistinguishable from each other, between men and women.

Question: Why are some women unable to climax?

Barry Komisaruk: We don’t really know why some women can’t experience orgasms. I started out by some years ago trying to find women who don’t experience orgasms to study them in looking at their brain activity during genital self-stimulation and we identified one women and she — but she before she came to our lab she said she got a new boyfriend and now she’s had her first orgasm. So that did it for that experiment. We’re still looking and it is a very interesting question. We don’t really know. Certainly there are situations in which with peripheral nerve damage or diabetes, these can impede the neural transmission, the sensory nerves.

It’s much rarer in the case of men. McKenzie reported that only a few, two or three, of the men they interviewed out of many hundreds could have orgasms by thought alone, but we have found a substantial number of women who can have orgasms just by thinking. We’ve studied them and are continuing to study them and it’s really very interesting. We measured their heart rate and blood pressure and pain thresholds, which pain thresholds go up during orgasm. In other words, we found that women become much less sensitive to pain during orgasm and also their pupils dilate. All those measures, the heart rate, blood pressure, pain thresholds, and pupil dilations, they are all about doubled during orgasm generated by genital self-stimulation.

What we found is that women – we had ten women in the laboratory who said they could have orgasms just by thought and we measured their physiological responses when they applied genital self-stimulation, actual physical stimulation, and then we compared it with when they said they had orgasms by though alone. The physiological responses were essentially the same. They were indistinguishable. In other words, those women were really having orgasms just by thinking. They had different ideas – we asked them what their thought process was to elicit the orgasm and some said they had erotic imagery, but others said they had pastoral imagery, like walking along the shore on a warm summer day. Other women have a much more abstract image such as imagining the energy moving up and down their body and producing the orgasm. So, there are big individual differences.

Now we’re looking at their brain activity in women who have orgasms by thought alone and we are seeing very great similarities between when they have orgasms by just thinking and orgasms when they do genital self-stimulation.

Question: Is there something psychological going on?

Barry Komisaruk: We’re starting to study men and it’s a very good question, but we don’t really know what the difference is. It seems to be much rarer in men than in women. One of the things we are finding, very new findings, is that when women think of different parts of their body, the thinking about those parts of the body activates the sensory cortex. There’s a map of the body on the sensory cortex. In other words, the fingers are in one place and the toes are represented in another place, the face is represented in another place, the genitals in another place. It’s all systematically laid out, very much like the body plan is laid out on the sensory cortex.

What we’re finding is that when women think about their finger being stimulated, or they think about their toe being stimulated, or they think about their clitoris being stimulated, or their nipple, that the corresponding part of the body, the representation of it in the sensory cortex, of those body parts is actually activated just as if they are really being stimulated physically. I think one of the interesting questions is whether, since women can think their genital systems into actual activity in the brain, can men do the same thing? If they can’t then that might be a way of understanding why women can have orgasms by thought alone. Are the activating their genital sensory representation, which then spreads to other parts of the brain? And can men not do that? We don’t really know. But we have the tools to investigate that.

Question: How is the brain related to female sexual response?

Barry Komisaruk: Well, it’s interesting that you ask that question because we are really dealing with that right now. Since we know that if you think about the clitoris, or think about the G-spot, or think about the cervix that the corresponding part of the brain map for those parts of the body, those become activated. So, one question is whether women who can think themselves to orgasm, do they think their genital activation that the brain representation of the genitalia into activity and does that spread to the other systems that are involved in orgasm, how do they do it? We want to understand how they do it normally and then the question is what if we ask women to think about the genitals more intensively? Or, will they be able to intensify the response in their genital sensory cortex, and will that spread to other parts of the brain, will that facilitate their orgasm? I think it could be very useful in women who say that they don’t experience orgasms; it could be useful in women with spinal cord injury who can’t feel their external genitals. Can they think their brain into greater activation and will that facilitate their orgasm?

That’s a question that we are currently dealing with our brain research. It’s a very important and interesting question and it could be therapeutically useful. One of the techniques that we’ve developed is to have the women in the scanner looking at their own brain activity in near real time. The question is, if we can see our own brain activity in near real time in specific regions, can we voluntarily increase the activity of that part of the brain just by thinking about it, just as we can think about moving our finger and we can move our finger? We can wiggle our finger. We don’t know what we do, we learned to do it as an infant because we got the feedback between what we see and what we do, maybe we can do something with the brain. If we see our own brain activity, maybe we can make a change and maybe that’s going to change the way we feel, or the way we move. So, this is a new technology of near real time brain imaging with unlimited frontiers. We don’t really know how far we can go with that. But it’s a new approach.

Recorded on October 29, 2009 on www.bigthink.com   

“The Orgasm Answer Guide.” by Barry Komisaruk can be purchased on Amazon.com

 

Sep 212012
 

By Dr. Benjamin Le - Science of Relationships

Everyone likes a good orgasm, right? In past articles we’ve covered topics like faking orgasms, the function of orgasms in sexual communication, orgasms stemming from nipple stimulation, and even highlighted “everything you need to know about female orgasm.” Okay, so maybe we didn’t tell you everything. There’s still more that you need to know about female orgasms, especially the answer to the question: when are women most likely to have an orgasm? And what sorts of relationships (e.g., romantic relationships versus casual sex) are most likely to yield sexual satisfaction? Is the big O a requirement for sexual satisfaction? First, let’s back up a bit and briefly review some of the common explanations for what leads to fulfilling sex:

The Technical Perspective: Good sex comes from practice and finely-honing one’s skills, and good lovers have lots of “moves.” In addition, sexual knowledge and experience helps one enjoy sex more fully. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something, so you better start practicing!
The Partner-Specific Perspective: According to this perspective, good sex is a function of knowing one’s partner. What turns her on? It takes time to learn “which buttons to push” with a new partner, so sexual satisfaction increases with repeated experiences with a specific sexual partner. Practice makes perfect, and who doesn’t want a little extra sexual practice with that special someone?
The Committed and Affectionate Relationship Perspective: A third perspective is that sex with a partner you deeply care about and are committed to is better than sex with a less intimate partner. Given the closeness involved, those in more satisfying, secure, and trusting relationships may experience more sexual fulfillment. So maybe relationships aren’t as bad as some people make them out to be.
The Gender Inequalities Perspective: Society views women more harshly than men when it comes to casual sex (see more on this double-standard here); women aren’t supposed to “want it” as much as men. According to traditional sex roles and sexual scripts, women are also assumed to take a more passive role in pursuing sex, and men may be more likely to focus on their own pleasure because they do not recognize women’s rights or desire for sexual satisfaction. Essentially, guys are less likely to be concerned with satisfying their partners when hooking-up.
To investigate the sources of sexual satisfaction for heterosexual women, researchers measured several aspects of individuals’ sexual activities in order to address each of these four perspectives.1 First, were couples engaging in a variety of sexual activities? Second, were sexual partners in a long-term relationship with each other, or were they hooking-up (see here, here, and here for some of our past articles about hooking up)? Additionally, for hookups, was it the first/only time that the couple had hooked-up, or had it happened before (and if so, how many times)? Finally, is the male partner attentive to the woman’s sexual needs?

Between 2005 and 2011, researchers collected data from two groups of college women: nearly 7,000 women who self-reported that they had ever hooked-up (and their most recent hookup was with a man), and more than 6,500 women in heterosexual relationships of over 6 months. In this impressive sample, when it came to sexual satisfaction, sexual enjoyment and orgasm were highly intertwined. In both hookups and relationships, orgasm was strongly associated with sexual enjoyment; women were nearly six times more likely to report sexual enjoyment when they had also experienced an orgasm in a given sexual encounter. In other words, orgasm = good.

In support of the technique perspective, performing a wide variety of sexual acts (e.g., manual genital stimulation, oral sex, intercourse) was related to higher rates of female orgasm. It’s also important to note that hookups were more likely to only include intercourse, whereas sexual activities other than intercourse were more common in ‘actual’ relationships, which could account for the increased orgasm rates in those relationships.

(click to see this infographic bigger)
When it comes to the partner-specific perspective, likelihood of orgasm increased with repeated sexual experience with the same partner. Only 11% of women had orgasms with a first-time hook-up partner (see more about this idea here). If they had previously hooked-up with that partner 1-2 other times, 16% of women had orgasms, and 34% of women had orgasms with a partner they had hooked-up with three or more times. Enjoyment increases with repeated hookups, supporting the idea that sexual satisfaction is partly a function of partners learning how to navigate each others’ bodies and understanding each others’ turn-ons (even without a romantic commitment).

But when it comes to female orgasms, long-term relationships seem to be the place to find them: 67% of women in relationships reported they had an orgasm with their partners the last time they had sex, which supports the commitment and affection perspective. Similarly, rates of enjoyment of sexual activity (e.g., “enjoyed it very much”) were higher in relationships (81%) compared to hookups (50%).

Finally, to address the gender inequalities perspective, researchers conducted interviews with both women and men. Interviewees’ responses to questions about hookups and dating suggested that when in relationships, men were more attentive to their female partners’ sexual pleasure; in hookups, men were much less concerned with pleasing their partners.

The take home message is that all four perspectives outlined above have merit and likely all contribute to women’s experiences between the sheets (or on the dining room table, or in the back seat of a compact car, or….). Female orgasm and sexual enjoyment stem from engaging in a variety of sexual activities with partners who are attentive to her sexual needs. But it takes time and practice to get on the same sexual “wavelength” as a partner; women are more likely to have orgasms with partners they have hooked-up with repeatedly in the past versus one-time encounters. Not surprisingly, then, sex with a relationship partner is twice as likely to result in a woman having an orgasm. It takes variety, practice, and affection to maximize a woman’s likelihood of “getting there.” Or, to put a spin on the old Crosby, Stills, and Nash song, “make love to the one you’re with, often.”

Check out more of our articles about sex here. Remember, sexual knowledge is good; she’ll thank you for doing your homework.

Interested in learning more about relationships? Click here for other topics on the Science Of Relationships. Like us on Facebook to get our articles delivered directly to your NewsFeed.

1Armstrong, E. A., England, P., & Fogarty, A. C. K. (in press). Accounting for women’s orgasm and sexual enjoyment in college hookups and relationships. American Sociological Review.

Dr. Benjamin Le – Science of Relationships articles | Website/CV
Dr. Le’s research focuses on commitment, including the factors associated with commitment and its role in promoting maintenance. He has published on the topics of breakup, geographic separation, infidelity, social networks, cognition, and need fulfillment and emotions in relationships.

(Originally published on The Science of Relationships website)

Sep 082012
 

masturbation-feature

by The Sex Health Line

Women like to be touched on special places (not the ones, that you think). Our idea is to tell you which exactly are those areas.

After long research amongst psychologists has become clear, that women have secret areas, where they love to be touched. If you find them, this means green light for all men. The results of this exciting research are published in the American magazine Men’s Fitness. The steps, which we offer are not presented in any specific order, we’re just pointing them out:

First Step! You Must:
Slide your tongue from her bellybutton to THAT place (you know!). During all that time, touch and massage her thighs, especially on their inner side.

Why?

The zone between the love handles and the belly, with an intelligent stimulation directs the blood flow to the area, that promises that you’ll have a good time.

Second Step! You Must:

Stroke her back. Her back is very sensitive. If you touch her slowly and tenderly on her back, while having sex, she’ll feel very aroused.

If you slide your hands gently from her back to her butt – know that you’ve hit the bullseye.

Third Step! You Must:

Never let the sheets to be dirty. That’s valid for YOU too! Use a deodorant!

Why?

The smell receptors in her nose, and her center of pleasure in the brain are connected in a direct interaction. So don’t hope that your woman will like the smell of a real man, who smells like he has just finished running a marathon.

Fourth Step! You Must:

Listen! Your mind is the most important sex organ in the human body. Make sure there is romantic music. First, find out what the woman enjoys. Not all enjoy classical music, so do some research.

Why?:

Studies show, that music can activate the same brain structures, that are active during sex.

Fifth Step! You Must:

Kiss her on the back side of her knees.

Why?

Every inch of the skin contains more than 2,500 receptors. So you can’t afford to ignore any inch. Keep in mind, that skin, that’s not in direct contact with the sun is very sensitive.

Sixth Step! You Must:

Gently massage her feet. After that massage each toe separately, paying a lot of attention to the middle finger, which has direct connection with the female sexual organs.

Why?

The lower part of the feet contains receptors, which influence the blood pressure, and the production of pleasure hormones.

Originally posted on The Sex Health Line

I concur with ALL of these tips BTW! xo LC

Sep 072012
 

Rupert-Sanders-Cheating-Kristen-Stewart-ProofBy  Co-Creator and Co-Editor, In Our Words published on the Huffington Post on 9.4.12

For the most part, I don’t really care about the Robert Pattinson-Kristen Stewart breakup, because I don’t know them, I don’t like the Twilight movies and after suffering through David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis, I’m very upset with Robert Pattinson. I don’t care if Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders did it in a car, in a bar, in a house or with a mouse; I don’t care if the entire relationship was staged for publicity (as many, including Angelina Jolie, are nowalleging) or if Robsten were this generation’s Cheng and Eng, severed by the knife of infidelity. This is because it’s not my relationship to care about, and whatever does or does not stay in Robsten’s bedroom is none of my beeswax, and it’s none of America’s either. If the news people need a story to cover, what about the millions of Americans living in poverty or the real violence that happens in our streets every day, the Chicago neighborhoods so dangerous they have been compared to Iraq? They say that if it bleeds it leads, but there’s no blood in the Robsten breakup — just two young people doing the very thing that makes them young: making bad decisions.

Yet Stewart’s infidelity continues to be constant news, nearly a month after the split.

Part of the reason that Robsten doesn’t matter to me, however, is that I am not a young woman today, and I’m glad that I’m not. For any girl growing up who pays attention to the media, it’s a terrifying time to understand what it means to be a girl in society. From Rush Limbaugh, they’ve learned that they are prostitutes and “sluts” for wanting birth control and healthy reproductive options for women. From Todd Akin, they’ve learned that their bodies can magically judo chop any unwanted side effects of rape and that women somehow can be “illegitimately” raped. From Paul Ryan, they’ve learned that rape is just “another method of conception,” which should be news to the makers of the Kama Sutra. And then Rape Culture Super-Defender Mike Huckabee chimed in by saying that “rape can create extraordinary people,” because young women everywhere desperately needed his opinion on this issue. Thanks, Huck.

Although young girls might not be paying attention to the “War on Women” rampant in the media this year, as women’s bodies and reproductive rights continue to be a wedge campaign issue, the Robsten breakup has been everywhere and certainly on their radars and will remain so with the final Twilightinstallment due this Fall. Since the first premiered in 2008, the Twilight film series has been a massively popular global phenomenon, and the movies have taken in over a billion dollars in the United States alone. Until she was usurped by Scarlett Johansson’s hefty paycheck for The Avengers 2, these films and Snow White and the Huntsman made Kristen Stewart the highest-paid actress in Hollywood. Because of this, Stewart and Bella Swan (the vacuous damsel in emotional distress she portrays in Twilight) have come to be symbols of young women today, whether we like it or not. (I’m not personally jazzed about Bella Swan being a symbol for anything.) Stewart’s every single red carpet pout, frowny face, lip bite and eye roll has been obsessively overanalyzed by the media, in the same way that women’s bodies are in general so open toscrutinyridicule and debate in today’s society. The media beatings that Sarah Jessica Parker and Hilary Swank take for not fitting the norm of Hollywood glamor highlight the restrictive expectations we have for women today. We are shocked when women don’t fit into that narrative, and the scrutiny is especially harsh when every blogger in the world is ready to tear you apart. Like the camera, the media adds 10 pounds.

Such is the case with Stewart. Because Stewart has been acting since she was nine and appearing in major Hollywood films since she was 12, there’s a sense of fatigue and discomfort with the system about Kristen Stewart, in many ways the Jodie Foster of her generation. Like Foster (who recently came out in support of K-Stew), Stewart’s always been too private and too smart for the media attention surrounding her. Although Megan Fox and Katherine Heigl are widely unpopular for being outspoken, what made the ubiquitously awkward Stewart even more of a public piñata was her attachment to Robert Pattinson, the erstwhile James Dean of today, the object of every other tween girl’s affections. Her ever-tabloided relationship made her an object of vicarious wish fulfillment, jealousy and scorn. If Kristen Stewart has the “perfect boyfriend” and the “perfect life,” why can’t she just look happy? Why doesn’t she seem more gracious? Why can’t she just smile for the cameras like she’s supposed to?

Because Stewart’s clear dislike of the charade of celebrity breaks the fourth wall of what we expect of women today, it’s hardly surprising that the public dogpiled on her in wake of the Robsten breakup. Fans took to Twitter and the blogosphere to voice their disbelief, call her a “whore” and a “homewrecking slut,” inform her that she’ll never do better than Robert Pattinson and make threats on her life, supposedly on behalf of all women torn apart by the break up. One female fan even filmed a reaction video on YouTube to publicize her devastation, a segment similar in tone to Chris Crocker’s now infamous “Leave Britney Alone!” video.

In response, Will Ferrell satirized the public outcry on Conan in a fake emotional meltdown he had on the show, one in which he referred to Kristen Stewart as a “trampire.” It’s brilliant.

But America, too oblivious to realize it was being made fun of, latched instead onto that single word: trampire. A Google search of “Kristen Stewart” and “trampire” now pulls up over a million hits, including for a website t-shirt retailer now profiting off of Stewart’s breakup by selling “Kristen Stewart is a trampire” tees. They come in three colors: blue, white and orange, for those who want to dress like a traffic cone while slut shaming someone. (Apparently, misogyny is the hot look for this Halloween season.) For those who feel truly invested in the breakup and have some spare cash, Skreened also made you “Kristen Stewart F-ing Sucks” and “Robert Pattinson Can Do Better” shirts.

In response to this public bullying, Kristen Stewart was dropped from the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman, and rumors are that the follow-up will instead feature Chris Hemsworth in the lead. They’re calling it The Huntsman. You know things have gotten bad when the studio doesn’t just fire you from a film; they’re so afraid of being associated with your scandal that they’re firing your entire character.

As Jodie Foster argued in her op-ed for The Daily Beast on the K-Stew scandal, “this too shall pass,” and Kristen Stewart is intelligent and well-possessed enough to survive this public media lynching. She’s young and she made a mistake. It’s hardly the first time that a 22-year-old has had an affair, and I’m not concerned for Kristen Stewart. She’ll be fine, and this scandal will die down soon enough. The worst is already over.

But for young women, the culture of slut shaming that the Kristen Stewart scandal represents won’t go away. I might not be concerned for K-Stew, but I am concerned for all the young women today who are tuned into this scandal, ones who are learning that it’s not okay to screw up, ever. Chris Brown can publicly beat the hell out of his girlfriend but still be played on the radio and win Grammys. However, if you ever cheat on your boyfriend, your life is over and no one will ever want to be associated with you. Almost no one will blame the much-older guy you cheated with, and it might actually make him more famous andhelp his career. Few will care that he was your boss and in a position of authority or that he may have have taken advantage of your youth and relative inexperience. Everything is your fault, and your life will be threatened over it. If you are a trampire, you will be publicly staked for it, even though cheater Ashton Kutcher recently emerged relatively unscathed by the media. No one asked for him to be fired from Two and a Half Men.

I might not be concerned for K-Stew, but I am concerned for my younger stepsister who has pictures of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson on her walls, who idolizes and worships them, and who might grow up to hate Kristen Stewart for reasons she doesn’t understand. I’m worried she will be taught that it’s not okay to mess up, learn from it and apologize, because no one wants your apology, just your suffering on camera. I’m worried that she’ll think its okay to harass and threaten women for their indiscretions, even if men get off scot-free. I’m worried she will think this culture of bullying, slut-shaming and rhetorical violence against women is the norm, because you get a t-shirt for it. I’m worried she will learn to internalize the shame brought on far too many women today, for having sexualities, for not being perfect, for not fitting into a box. I’m worried she’ll believe men like Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and Mike Huckabee are right.

Because even if she doesn’t know who Akin, Ryan and Huckabee are, even if she doesn’t pay attention to politics or the radical right-wing GOP, she does pay attention to Twilight and Robsten. And if we want to empower her to be a strong, independently minded woman who knows that her body, sexuality and safety are legitimate and can stand up for her rights, we need to pay attention, too. This might seem ridiculous to us, and most people I know can’t wait to stop talking about it. But for her, having this conversation makes a difference. Although no young woman shouldn’t think it’s okay to cheat, what we are teaching them right now is so much worse.

Follow Nico Lang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Nico_Lang
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