The Sex Before The Sex by Kim Anami

IMG_0281*I wish there were more articles written about how important this is to any relationship. This is concise and accurate. I’ve always said “it takes at least a week to seduce a woman” … I’m glad other people agree. What do you think? *

Originally published on 9/21/12 on

I’m into mindf**king.

I like to be penetrated long before any physical contact takes place.

In fact, I need to be.

Witty banter, teasing, verbal double entendres—all foreplay for me.

The people I am attracted to have a keen grasp on language, ideas and poetry. Little that they say is strictly linear or without a hint of play or sexuality.

I’ve written about the only battle for lovers to have.  

For me, that battle starts early. It could go on for days. Weeks. It doesn’t need to stop.

Each throw down we have, each time we cannot resist physical touch any longer, wipes the slate clean and gives us the chance to start anew.

Who will bring the other person to wetness or hardness first? Who will be so overcome with desire that they tackle the other person when they get in the door?

You know that I suggest that couples schedule a weekly three-hour sex date.  Ideally, you have several other sex dates throughout the week. (Though if you do it right, the three hours can carry you into the next week).

Prior to that sex date, even days prior, you want to begin foreplay.

The art of great foreplay is a hint of what’s to come, without spilling everything. It’s the desire mixed with the uncertainty of whether it will really happen or how.

It’s compliments. Genuine ones. We open and disarm each other, stripping the other bare.

Steamy, sexual craving is generated out of a deeply honest conversation. Again, you are removing the barriers between you.

One of my favourite “sexual simmer” tools is via texting.

The beauty of texting/sexting is that you can have sex with your partner all day long.

And you ought to.

When you get into heavy-duty flirting texting, the key is to dance around the obvious, not dive into the obvious.

For example, if my lover was to text me:

“I want you to suck my cock.”

Well, chances are, I want to suck his cock too. What’s far more interesting and arousing is playing with the possibility of me sucking his cock. And how.

Pay attention to ways in which you could work in phrases like “on your knees” or “open-mouthed” or “spray” or “swallow” into the conversation. It ought to be natural. Remember, the implied act goes much farther than the clear naming of it.

This is an art form.

It’s called seduction.

The more you practice it, the better you get at it.

“It” ought to comprise the subtext of many of your conversations. This is the stuff of the “constant simmer” that I talk about maintaining between you and in between your sex dates.

This keeps your sexual energy high. It keeps you connected.

It ought to keep you so wet and so hard, that when it comes time for your sex date, you are 80% ready for physical penetration.

Because you’ve spent the last hours and days penetrating the hell out of each other.

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