Anal Sex: Science’s Last Taboo

A new — and almost entirely unreported — study about anal sex and pain shows how little we really know about it
BY DEBBY HERBENICK

That anal sex remains taboo may explain why a study about anodyspareunia – that is, pain during anal penetration – received little attention when it was published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. The study should have turned heads: It was the first research on anodyspareunia among women; it was conducted by a well-respected scientist (Dr. Aleksander Stulhofer from the University of Zagreb); and it was centered on young women and sex. That’s often the kind of research that attracts media attention (Young women sex! They get pregnant! They give oral sex! You get the picture …). However, anal sex remains such a strong taboo that this otherwise important study barely turned a head.

Except it did turn mine. Here’s why. In an incredibly short period of time, anal sex has become a common part of Americans’ sex lives. As of the 1990s, only about one-quarter to one-third of young women and men in the U.S. had tried anal sex at least once. Less than 20 years later, my research team’s 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that as many as 40-45 percent of women and men in some age groups had tried anal sex. With its rising prevalence, I felt it was important to devote a chapter of my first book, “Because It Feels Good,” to anal health and pleasure — only to find that a magazine editor wouldn’t review it because the topic of anal sex was “not in the best interest of our readership.” Even though nearly half of American women in some age groups have done it! She added, “In the correct circles, I personally will be suggesting the book to those with whom I can share such a resource.”

Hmm. The correct circles. Which ones would those be? The ones where scores and scores of women openly sit around talking about anal sex between glasses of wine?

So taboos persist and anal sex remains hush-hush even though more people are doing it. What changed to make it more common, anyway? It’s not entirely clear – after all, rates of masturbation, vaginal sex, oral sex and other sexual practices don’t seem to have changed too much. However,  it’s commonly thought that the widespread access to porn played a role. Some research has found that anal sex was shown in 56 percent of sex scenes studied even though national data of real people’s sex lives show that fewer than 5 percent of Americans had anal sex during their most recent sexual experience.

Honest, evidence-based answers to questions about anal sex are difficult to come by. You’d think we would know more about a behavior that’s become a common part of Americans’ sex lives – one that, for all its potential pleasures, remains among the riskiest sex acts when it comes to spreading sexually transmissible infections (STI) including HIV. Yet there is strikingly little scientific research on anal sex. The list of what we don’t know about anal sex is far longer than the list of what we do. This makes it difficult for sex educators to feel truly confident in answering people’s very real and important questions.

This is also what made the recent University of Zagreb study so valuable. They surveyed more than 2,000 women ages 18 to 30 about their experiences with anal sex. Building on limited early research about anal pain among men who have sex with men, the researchers asked about women’s experiences with pain. This was critical because, as much as we often talk about anal sex possibly hurting, and lubricant possibly minimizing pain or discomfort during anal sex, there is almost no research on women’s experiences of anal sex. One exception is a study that I conducted with my research team at Indiana University in which we gave six different lubricants to more than 2,400 women and asked them to use them during their masturbation, vaginal sex and/or anal sex activities. Among our interests was whether using a lubricant helped to make sex – including anal sex – more pleasurable, more satisfying and less painful (it did).

The Zagreb team found that about half of women (49 percent) stopped their first experience of anal intercourse because it was too painful to continue – not surprising considering 52 percent of women report not even using lubricant when they first had anal sex! An additional 17 percent of women also experienced pain or discomfort during their first anal sex, but didn’t stop their partner. Only about one-quarter of women said their first experience with anal sex was pleasant.

That said, nearly two-thirds tried anal sex again (hopefully this time with lubricant), continuing on another occasion. Those women who found it positive, pleasurable and pain-free were more likely to try it again. About 9 percent of women who had anal sex at least twice in the past year said that they experienced pain every single time. Based on what I know about women who experience pain during vaginal intercourse, my guess is that chronic pain during anal sex is even more common – perhaps hovering in the 10-15 percent range – once the women who actively avoid it because it always hurts are taken into account.

This 9 percent figure is important. It tells us that a similar proportion of women experience pain consistently during anal sex as experience pain consistently during vaginal penetration. That’s right: Somewhere around 10 percent of women experience pain during vaginal intercourse or even during daily activities like sitting down or riding in the car. The 9 percent number is also close to the 10-14 percent range that’s been identified as the proportion of men who have sex with men who experience pain during anal sex. And though the Zagreb study asked women what sense they made of their pain (most blamed themselves or their sexual practices, suggesting their pain was linked to not feeling fully relaxed, inadequate anal foreplay, or not using sufficient lubricant), the fact is that we still don’t know clinically what’s causing their pain.

It may be that, like the vagina and vulva, the anuses of some women and men respond to touch or penetration in painful ways and for unknown reasons. It may be that some of these women and men have skin disorders, such as lichen sclerosus, which can affect genital skin (including anal skin), increasing the likelihood of discomfort, pain or tearing. Certainly lack of information and education is at the root of some people’s pain, but it’s probably not the primary cause for everyone. Some women and men do everything “right” – they use gobs of lubricant, they start out slowly, relax, communicate well with their partner, avoid desensitizing or numbing gels/creams – and yet it still hurts. Do they have an underlying medical condition that’s contributing to the pain? Wonky nerve receptors that scream in pain rather than perceive penetration as neutral or pleasurable? We don’t know.

In case you’re wondering, we also don’t know much about the long-term effects of anal intercourse. Certainly enough people have been having anal sex over enough generations that if anything were seriously dangerous about anal sex, we would know it by now. But as for questions about how regular anal sex, rough anal sex or insufficiently lubricated anal sex might ultimately affect the likelihood of a woman experiencing rectal prolapse or of a woman or man experiencing various anal or rectal health issues, we don’t know because no one has studied these kinds of things. It’s 2012 and pretty much all we know about anal sex is that lots of people have tried it, there’s a higher degree of risk for STI/HIV transmission (compared to vaginal sex or oral sex), many people have found it painful on occasion, many people also find it pleasurable sometimes, and about one in 10 women and men experience pain during anal sex on a regular basis. Much of the research involving HPV and anal cancer is focused on men who have sex with men – which is needed — even though more women in the U.S. have received anal sex than the number of men who have received anal sex. That’s not to say that anal cancer isn’t important to study among men – it very much is the case – but women get anal cancer, too, and we need to know more about risk and protective factors (related: check out this I Have Butt What? blog by a brave anal cancer survivor named Michelle).

Knowledge gap, anyone?

Even though most people who have had anal sex engage in it only occasionally, anal sex is a fairly common practice. And if people are going to engage in sexual behavior, then they deserve enough information to help make that behavior as safe, pleasurable and satisfying as possible. To do so, science has to catch up and taboos have to dissipate enough so that more people feel comfortable talking about it and sharing their experiences.

Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH is co-Director of The Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University’s School of Public Health-Bloomington, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, and author of five books about sex and love. Her most recent is Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex (Running Press, 2012).

Check out this TEDx Talk by Debby Herbenick  “Why Your Bed is the Ultimate Treehouse”

Choosing the Best G-Spot Vibrator

By Trina Denzel

The concept seems so simple: a straight device with 45 degree tilted tip. Supposedly the key to intense internal orgasmic power, then why are some women feeling less than pleased with their vibrator?

The truth is some models are purely for looks. Made to look stylish on the shelf to incite the customer to make a  purchase. Others have the tilted tip sort of like an afterthought, considered a “value added feature” to a standard vibrator.

This does not mean they won’t feel good however, but if your intended purpose is to get the best g-spot stimulation, there’s a few things you should be looking for before you hit the checkout.  If you need a refresher on where the g-spot is, you can check out this video by Dr. Oz from Oprah.com

6 Features Found on the Best G-Spot Vibrator:

 1.  A Firm Touch

A firm build should be your only choice with plastic being the best. Any soft material will bend or squish, reducing the pressure placed on the g-spot. If comfort is a concern, let it be known you may feel a poke as you slide it inwards but once in place, it’s smooth sailing to pleasuretown!

 2.   A Helping Handle

When the vibrator is inside of you, it’s easy to have it miss your point, especially if you’re thrusting or moving around. Moving a few centimeters to the side can mean the difference between a massively wonderful orgasm and an OK one. If the vibe has a finger loop at the base or the like near the bottom to help you distinguish which way it’s facing, you’ll never stray from the intended spot.

 3.   Vibration at the Tip

Luckily, most vibrators of this style have motor placement at the top – but not all. Read the product description or ask the sales associate where the motor is located. A motor right in the curved tip is going to radiate the strongest sensation directly into your body.

 4.   Thinner is a Winner

There is a multitude of widths for sale but for precise g-spot massage, you’ll want to choose one with a thinner shaft. The reason is, a thicker shaft feels good as the labia, but it competes with the feeling of g-spot massage. Save the thicker vibrator for your realistic model or even dildo selection. A thin shaft is typically 1 1/2 inches wide or less.

 5.   Must Have Power

This tip can possibly conflict with tip number 4. Consequently, a thinner shaft means smaller structure which means less space for batteries which means less power. It’s not to say vibes using a single battery are not good, they will still give you a great massage but a stronger level of vibration really takes it up a big step. Look for a vibrator that uses at least 2 AA batteries or 3 AAA’s.

6.   Longer is not better

A tip your man would love to hear, just kidding! There are many excellent vibes on the market that are short. Some women don’t even look twice at these models thinking they won’t reach, but truth is the g-spot is only 2 – 3 inches up, extra length will not carry any orgasmic benefit.

These guidelines can help you choose the g-spot vibrator that will offer the strongest orgasm potential. Even though several styles exist only a select handful will provide all the features listed above offering a woman the chance to enjoy a secret orgasm that radiates internally, a big difference from a clitoral orgasm. And a g-spot vibrator is often very economical as well allowing better pleasure at an affordable price.

Trina Denzel is a happily married sex-positive author who loves to promote the power of a healthy sex life with a humorous twist. She writes the blog and product descriptions on The Adult Toy Shop and regularly contributes articles to women’s interest blogs with the goal of enhancing personal playtime for women and sharing closer intimacy. Check her out on Twitter: @FriskyTweets

Re-Union

By biggirl4bigfun

We’re standing in front of his garage kissing like we’ve done many times before over the decades. It isn’t always here; we’ve made out in front of hotels, schools and libraries. But it’s familiar—his touch, his taste and I feel him starting to relent—to giving up his fight against our eventual coupling. This is the preliminary stand-off.  We’ve been having these skirmishes since college. Because we aren’t a couple any longer, he thinks it’s ultimately wrong and I believe it’s forever right.

But I’m tired of always having to do the seduction. When we first got together, he went crazy with lust and I would use sex as a reward. I didn’t have to have it, so I could tease him relentlessly. Now I need sex and will do anything to get it from him, even if means dirty fighting like making sure he feels my rigid nipples as I accidently brush against him.

I have a mostly platonic relationship with the man I live with. He gave me permission to sleep with whomever I wanted outside the relationship as long as I never left him. We made this agreement a long time ago. I sense that he would like it to be null and void. But I need my every-so-often reunion sex with my college boyfriend and I don’t want to feel guilty about it.

It’s the fact that my ex fights it every time that makes me so wet.  I make him powerless and I love that. I want to have one of those same tryst next year things and in the moment, pressed up against me, he does too.

We continue to kiss and touch there in the driveway. I can tell he is losing his desire to fight me and his lust is growing as his cock. I’m winning this battle of the flesh. Soon he will give up and let himself surrender to our mutual passion. He always does. The time he spends holding me off though is time we could be spending getting off.

During one of our reunions he tried to be adamant that we would not have sex and yet every night we ended up in bed together. He fucked me thoroughly but would not kiss me on the lips. To not get hurt by his actions, I fantasized that he was the manwhore and I was his Jane. It was his way of paying me back for being so stingy with my body earlier in our relationship and it made him feel (falsely) as if he had any control over our hunger for each other.

His cock is huge, beautiful and always wants me. I need to feel it inside me. I’m happy that most women do not know by looking at him about his cock or he would be too busy to reconnect with his old girlfriend. Not only does he have an amazing penis, he’s a genius at using it. What do they say about people who aren’t obviously hot? They try harder. And he gets even harder as he’s trying.

“We don’t have to have sex,” I lie. But our bodies came to an agreement long before now and there’s no stopping. We’ve got to get somewhere or we are going to be fucking in front of the house.

We miraculously make it into the overstuffed garage fully clothed.  He slams me up against the washer and starts to touch my breasts, my face as his hand creeps down my pants. How can a disgusting garage be so erotic? Pulling out his oversized cock, he demands I suck it. I fall to my knees hoping to avoid a grease spot on the floor and take his almost hard dick into my mouth.

“You are my dirty girl” he growls.  Yes, yes I am. Always.

It’s a good thing I’ve had practice sucking his cock because of its length and girth. Blowing him is not for the novice cock sucker. I can’t even get the whole thing in at once. I start by putting as much of the shaft in my mouth as I can. One of my hands is holding on to the base, the other is flat against his pelvis for balance. I lick the tip of his cock with quick jabs and then start to suck hard. Already in ecstasy he starts to furiously fuck my mouth. My moaning causes vibrations to bounce off his massive erection. He just gets more and more aroused.

I don’t care what happens in the future—this cock is mine and always will be. Normally I don’t enjoy cum but with him, I wish I could be bathed in it. I want him to coat my throat with his cum; I want to be baptized as his.

I remember our first movie date. As we sat in the darkened theatre he traced circles in the palm of my hand. Nothing has ever turned me on as much as that. It was the smallest of actions but so effective. He knows what works with me—a benefit of our on-going

connection.

He’s about to cum but I’m going to need more and I don’t want it to be bent over some old boxes marked “dishware.” We sneak into the house, careful to avoid his sister who is packing up her old bedroom. I feel like a teenager and that just makes it hotter.

He’s fast as he lays me down on the bed with my cunt hanging over the edge. He pushes my panties to the side, pulls out his hard cock and plunges in me. That first thrust is always the best. My pussy seems to mold itself around his shaft. We are the perfect fit.  I’m wet, he’s stiff and it feels amazing. He is going at it fast and hard. His kisses cover my mouth and his hands grab my breasts, pulling at them. His attention is on every part of my body; every piece of flesh and every part of my spirit too.

Although I’m older and heavier, when I’m with him, I feel young. Our sexual chemistry is like a time machine, taking us back to the time where there was no recovery time needed and we could fuck six times a day. We were both beautiful and we are both beautiful now.

I’m just about to climax, when he turns me over and he fucks me doggie style. His hand is placed right where my neck meets my back, steadying himself as he continues to go in and out with that gigantic cock. I feel his sweat dripping on my back.

I start to cum but he gives me no time to recover. He has more to do. I’m flipped back on my back and I whisper “force me.” He understands immediately and pins my hands over my head with one hand, pries my legs apart with his leg, rips at the now dripping panties with his free hand and almost impales me with his huge erection. I nearly lose consciousness, it’s that intense.

We are joined, cunt to cock, hand to hand and heart to heart. In this moment our physical union is enough. As he starts to cum, he shouts my name, admitting his defeat; game, set and snatch.

You are my dirty girl. Yes, always but next time you do the seducing.

Big Girl 4 Big Fun is the author of the blog Tales From a Former Fat Slut .

A Treatise On Beauty

By Lady Cheeky

I think it’s the perceived imperfections in people that make them interesting and therefore … to me … more beautiful. If this photo were generated by a traditional adult industrial complex the blemishes on her legs, the folds and texture of her skin, the bra strap indentations, would all be airbrushed out.  But, leaving her photo like this, shows us the inherent sensuality in the human body.  The authenticity of this un-retouched form illuminates the natural sexuality in a vulnerable moment captured for the sake of capturing it. Certainly, beauty is subjective.  I see beauty in a lot of traditionally “beautiful” images as well … but to me, this is a deeper, more satisfying beauty.

Thank goodness for people who post photos like this.  They are the quiet revolutionaries that fight with generosity instead of  aggression or pomposity.  They are the lanterns of authenticity gently beckoning all of our collective ships to find a safe harbor within our own appreciation.

Photo: Unknown

To All My Readers/Followers Across All Platforms …

I wanted to write down thank you to all my followers, friends and supporters. I sat down at my kitchen table and began to type. Upon reflection of all that I am lucky enough to have (which is not a lot on paper), I suddenly became overwhelmed with gratitude for all of you. Like everyone else there are daily challenges with love, money, relationships, etc… Those in themselves are gifts as they make one keenly aware of how great what they actually have really is. What I have is a stunning, smart and loyal group of followers. And, this Thanksgiving Day, you (and ok, along with my dog and family) are the thing I am most grateful for.

Because of you, I am encouraged to pursue my passion for writing and sex-positive activism (and smut) with these websites.

Because of you, I am supported in my intention to maybe inspire somebody somewhere to be gentle with themselves and become a little bit freer and hopefully, just a little bit happier.

Because of you, I am allowed to spend at least part of my day in the joy that sharing sensuality brings me.

And … because of you, every time I sheepishly (yet shamelessly) ask you to vote for me for something … you come through in spades.

It’s an embarrassment of riches and I want you all to know how very thankful I am for all of you this Thanksgiving and the other 364 days of the year.

Much love,

Lady Cheeky xoxo