Jan 292013
 

Attractive young coupleBy Nicole Forrestor  
Originally published on The Huffington Post/Canada on 1/28/13

It’s Friday and my phone is ringing. It’s from a guy I’ve been talking to and had arbitrarily decided to go for drinks early in the week. Given our busy schedules, he was supposed to call and confirm our plans on Monday, and here it was Friday and he was just calling me. Really? I’m thinking either this guy has lost all sense of time or he is one courageous man. Now, if you’ve read any of my blogs on relationships you know my motto is POOF! Be gone! for bad behaviour. That’s right, on to the next guy in line.

Except today as I finally decided to return his call and inform him that he had now been “POOFed!” it dawned on me this guy was apparently clueless of his behaviour.

He claimed to have been swamped with work, and rather than send his regrets he thought he’d call when things calmed down… Really!?!?? Now clearly this is an excuse — a bad one at that. But, I found myself wondering could there be more men making these fatal mistakes at love and not even realizing it? Just in case I thought I’d reveal four deadly mistakes men make when it comes to dating.

Letting your ego get the best of you. This is a big one. Through the luxury of having a lot of male friends I’ve been able to304520_464217606945224_1392956693_n observe their behaviour up close and personal when it comes to a girl showing interest in them. It’s quite interesting. All of a sudden they’ll walk with a new pep in their stride. They have a built up confidence when approaching other girls. And while girl number one (let’s call her Jane) is showing genuine interest, Mr. Man is not necessarily ready to reciprocate his interest.

Instead he wants to see what else is out there because, clearly if she finds him attractive most girls must feel the same way too. This is a slippery slope and may find you with no girl interested in you. While you have fallen in love with yourself, and have grown an ego too large for another person to be in the room with you, Jane has moved on. Tired of your lukewarm reception a girl who knows her own worth will move on… and quickly… or just might be snapped up by another guy that recognizes her worth. Fellas, just because a girl pays you some attention DOES NOT mean you are the man of her dreams. Tone the ego down a notch!

Taking too long to contact us. We as women have been conditioned to expect that when a guy is really interested in us he is going to let us know — otherwise, “He’s just not that into you.” There isn’t any waiting for a phone call, e-mail, or text. This guy KNOWS he’s got a great girl and isn’t about to risk losing her to another guy.

Gone are the days of waiting three days to contact us. If you are taking more than 24 hours to reply or follow-up YOU my dear man have lost your cue in line. That’s right, while you might have been the front runner and someone she was really interested in getting to know, with each passing day you likely are losing your relevance. Especially for a woman who knows her worth. We’ve now put you on the back burner since it appears to us that you could be blowing us off. Linger too long, especially with a girl who has other possible suitors, and you will POOF! Be gone!

Talking about yourself too much. In the beginning it is not uncommon for the man to dominate the conversation and typically talk about themselves in an effort to impress us females. The problem is you can come off a little bit full of yourself and not interested in the object of your affection. When it comes to dating I like to suggest the “share and ask” procedure. Tell a little bit about yourself and ask her some questions about her life, her day, and her interest. Comparatively, being nebulous about yourself is also never a good route to go. A mysterious man could mean a man living a double life — possibly a family in the suburb and another family in the city. It can be a red flag for women. So, certainly telling us about yourself is great but don’t forget to show some interest in us as well.

Entering the friend box. Men beware. You do not want to be type-casted as just a friend with a woman, because once you are in that box it is next to impossible to get out. How you get in that box is by maintaining a very chummy rapport. Certainly, going dutch on a date in the early stages could launch you into the friend box. Body contacts that are synonymous with being just friends — high fives, fist bumps, arm-length hugs — could also cast you in the friend box. Look for those moments to be a little more friendlier with a girl. Getting a little closer in a hug, placing your hand on the small of her back, or holding her hand can make it clear to her that your intentions are more than just friend.

The problem is when it comes to dating there are many “fish in the sea.” So, while you may be fortunate to attract the attention of a certain girl — it is up to you handle it with care and know that if you drop the ball she has other options. The world of dating can be fun, but always remember to proceed with caution. You don’t want to ruin your chance with the women of your dreams.

headshotNicole Forrester is an Olympian High Jumper, Commonwealth Games Gold Medalist and Sports Psychology Consultant, PhD Candidate who specializes in optimal performance. She believes and is committed to the pursuit of excellence.

Nicole is the founder of Optimal Zone Inc. a consultant company which specializes in helping athletes and organizations reach and sustain high performance through training and developmental programs. Additionally, she has worked as a reporter, television host and blogger with CBC, and has provided content and comment for CTV, Rogers and Discovery Health Channel.

Her blogs include high performance and lifestyle. Occasionally, she likes to push the envelope, blogging on taboo topics she references as Achtung Series! Follow Nicole Forrester on Twitter: www.twitter.com/nicoleforrester

Jan 222013
 
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I posted this picture recently on my blog, Lady Cheeky (see below) . Underneath the photo I typed the word “Gorgeous.” When I blog my photos, I do it rather quickly as I only blog the images I, personally think are sexy. I don’t always comment on photos I post, but when I do it’s because a word or a feeling comes to mind and I add the comment as effortlessly as I would if I were having conversation.

On this day, again without thinking, I posted the comment “GORGEOUS” on this sensual photo of a very zaftig woman laying on her side with a naked man behind her. I thought the image was beautiful and the body, with all it’s texture and curves was gorgeous. Even though my porn site is body-positive, I still get the regular lookie-loos that just want to see the graphic images. That’s fine, I like them too. To each his/her own. But when comments attacking someone’s size, either skinny or large, deluge my in-box, it always makes me roll my eyes and sigh. Today wasn’t the first time I received un-kind words regarding a photo I posted. But today I recognized a change in how I see them.

When I’ve receive these blistering notes, I don’t get angry, I don’t get offended, I don’t get depressed or antagonistic or vindictive. I never feel attacked, less-than or judged. And because I also share some of the characteristics of the picture I posted, I could sit here in self-hate and use the rapacious insults to validate all that I think is wrong with me.  In fact, in the past I would have. But instead, I feel like a climber that has reached the top of a small but difficult mountain, looking out to azure skies and tree-topped valleys upon the vast landscape which holds the secret of my next trek.

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Today, when I see these comments in my in-box I feel validated and liberated and secure because I know that I’ve overcome thinking of my round, soft and curvy body as less desirable, less sensual and less important than the average-sized women I used to compare myself to. I feel free from the drama in my head of constantly worrying if my lover will walk out the door when he sees my stomach … naked without the Spanx binding it in. Feeling confident that I am attractive because I feel sexy in my own skin “knowing” of who I am as a woman is the payoff of years and years of hard inner and practical work.

Today, when I post a gorgeous photo of a nude woman, laid out in all her vulnerable, sexy nakedness … a woman who resembles me much more than a traditionally sized woman, I no longer take in the “fatty” or the “whale” or “the lazy whore needs to go to the gym” comments because for every nasty comment gets lodged at me for what I personally think is gorgeous, I get a comment like this: “That picture that you said “Gorgeous” I have almost the same body as her. It made me smile.”

THAT made ME smile and made my day. It reminded me of a quote by Mary VonEbner-Eschenbach: “In youth we learn; In age we understand.”  Today in my Oprah “Aha moment” I see that no matter how small your contribution is to pursue a purpose you believe in (for me, my little blog) you still have the capacity to make a stranger smile and even potentially piss-off the ignorant at the same time. And that makes my younger-self feel weightless and my present self feel very, very grateful for the capacity to finally understand.

 

 

 

 

 

Jan 172013
 

sexual-position-conception-1If you’ve done some research or have a little practical experience, you likely already know that experimenting with a wide range of sexual play is the key to great sex, as most women don’t orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse alone. However, this doesn’t mean that orgasms during intercourse are out of the question. In fact, orgasms that combine penetration with clitoral stimulation can be intensely satisfying for all parties involved.

One approach to orgasm-inducing intercourse involves the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This positioning and movement can provide a woman with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, stimulate a man’s shaft and prostatic nerves and does not require any challenging gymnastic moves or flexibility. Hooray! Because we’re tired of swinging off chandeliers, right?

The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone. Here’s the basic breakdown:

  1. The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top inserting his penis into the vagina.
  2. He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
  3. Often the CAT involves the woman pressing her pelvis upwards and wrapping her feet around his calves.
  4. Play with synchronized rocking and rubbing movements as opposed to in-and-out thrusting.
  5. Some women find intensified pleasure in squeezing their legs together during the CAT to create greater friction and tension. This squeezing sensation can also intensify the male partner’s pleasure.

CAT-300x165Sound technical? It’s really quite simple and feels a lot better than it looks on paper. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out for yourself!

Once you’ve got the hang of rubbing the clitoral hood and female pelvic bone against the hard base of the penis and/or male pelvic bone during intercourse, you can modify the CAT into a range of other positions on your side or even upside down.

If the CAT doesn’t make you tingle with passion, don’t feel the need to give up on intercourse entirely. No singular approach to pleasure works for every woman, but if you keep experimenting, you’ll find your triggers. Play with running water, vibrating toys, fingers, tongues and fantasy until you find your toes curling with pleasure beneath the sheets (or on the hood of the car as the case may be).

And ladies and gents, please don’t ignore all your other beautiful erogenous zones: the brain, breasts, thighs, backs of knees, feet, palms, neck, ears, belly, bum and more!

Some women can orgasm through fantasy alone and others can reach the heights of ecstasy with a little breast play. Others swear by anal stimulation, while some find sharing of far-fetched fantasies incomparable as a means to orgasmic release.

Combine any of these activities to find what works for you. With the right attitude and a healthy sense of humour, you should enjoy both the process and the end result.

Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex!

Originally published in Eligible Magazine.com  14 March 2012

5Dr. Jessica O’Reilly is a sought-after sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. She maintains a private practice in Toronto and travels the world to speak at events that promote healthy and deliciously pleasurable sex. From regular appearances on Cosmopolitan Television and Playboy TV to hosting retreats in the sunny Caribbean, she relishes in every moment! Check out her website SexWithDrJess.com, follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Jan 172013
 

sexual-position-conception-1If you’ve done some research or have a little practical experience, you likely already know that experimenting with a wide range of sexual play is the key to great sex, as most women don’t orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse alone. However, this doesn’t mean that orgasms during intercourse are out of the question. In fact, orgasms that combine penetration with clitoral stimulation can be intensely satisfying for all parties involved.

One approach to orgasm-inducing intercourse involves the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This positioning and movement can provide a woman with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, stimulate a man’s shaft and prostatic nerves and does not require any challenging gymnastic moves or flexibility. Hooray! Because we’re tired of swinging off chandeliers, right?

The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone. Here’s the basic breakdown:

  1. The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top inserting his penis into the vagina.
  2. He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
  3. Often the CAT involves the woman pressing her pelvis upwards and wrapping her feet around his calves.
  4. Play with synchronized rocking and rubbing movements as opposed to in-and-out thrusting.
  5. Some women find intensified pleasure in squeezing their legs together during the CAT to create greater friction and tension. This squeezing sensation can also intensify the male partner’s pleasure.

CAT-300x165Sound technical? It’s really quite simple and feels a lot better than it looks on paper. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out for yourself!

Once you’ve got the hang of rubbing the clitoral hood and female pelvic bone against the hard base of the penis and/or male pelvic bone during intercourse, you can modify the CAT into a range of other positions on your side or even upside down.

If the CAT doesn’t make you tingle with passion, don’t feel the need to give up on intercourse entirely. No singular approach to pleasure works for every woman, but if you keep experimenting, you’ll find your triggers. Play with running water, vibrating toys, fingers, tongues and fantasy until you find your toes curling with pleasure beneath the sheets (or on the hood of the car as the case may be).

And ladies and gents, please don’t ignore all your other beautiful erogenous zones: the brain, breasts, thighs, backs of knees, feet, palms, neck, ears, belly, bum and more!

Some women can orgasm through fantasy alone and others can reach the heights of ecstasy with a little breast play. Others swear by anal stimulation, while some find sharing of far-fetched fantasies incomparable as a means to orgasmic release.

Combine any of these activities to find what works for you. With the right attitude and a healthy sense of humour, you should enjoy both the process and the end result.

Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex!

Originally published in Eligible Magazine.com  14 March 2012

5Dr. Jessica O’Reilly is a sought-after sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. She maintains a private practice in Toronto and travels the world to speak at events that promote healthy and deliciously pleasurable sex. From regular appearances on Cosmopolitan Television and Playboy TV to hosting retreats in the sunny Caribbean, she relishes in every moment! Check out her website SexWithDrJess.com, follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Jan 162013
 
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Originally published on EvolvedWorld.com – January 14 2013

Ahhh January – the crisp, bracing air, the relief that the holidays are behind us and the optimistic promise of a whole new year ahead. Each January my friends, colleagues and nosy grocery store clerks ask me the dreaded question “have you made any New Year’s resolution’s?” My reply is always the same one I give for anyone asking me my age “Fine thank you”. The confused look on their faces never ceases to amuse me as I slink away; proud I’ve escaped answering that question yet again.

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve always been an immediate gratification gal and didn’t make the yearly over-promise because it always seemed too high aiming and unachievable in a satisfying amount of time … at least for this impatient writer.

Yet, I can’t deny there is some wisdom in making a resolution and sticking to it. The discipline and drive to commit to an immediate improving of one’s condition is a great way to ameliorate our well-being and over-all health.

This year, I was going to take that principle to heart. I was determined to improve one thing in my life pronto and I knew exactly what that was. In the past few months I had become all too aware that my sex life had started to take the back burner to other parts of my life. After my divorce a few years ago, I had vowed never to let my sex life suffer again. That was it. No more sitting around. It’s 2013 I am going to improve my sexual attitude. But where to start?

Meditate: Figure Out The Basic Need That’s Not Being Met

On New Year’s Day, I turned off all electronic devices (gasp!) and began to search my soul for the answer I knew was buried. How could I re-energize my sex life? Frustrated, I picked up one of my favorite books on sexuality, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston. Bingo. Sheri never disappoints. All I had to do was read these lines under the heading Whole Sex – Macro to Micro:

“Your sexuality is about your connection to everyone and everything around you … you are a sexual being not a sexual ‘doing.’ Sex is not just something you do – it’s a fundamental and inseparable part of who you are.”

This really resonated with me. My lack of importance placed on sex recently was the loss of focus on how it makes me feel when I’m connected to my sexual self. When I’m having great sex my senses are more astute, my mood is elevated and my interaction with others is more positive and engaging. I missed all those feelings and wanted them back.

Enumerate: Identify Three Ways To Achieve Your New Goal

I love to make lists, but I can get carried away and end up overwhelming myself with steps and procedures to follow. So, I kept it simple and allowed myself three things to do to change my sexual attitude. For me, the best first step is to research. Researching always gets me excited about my topic and it’s a way my inner “know-it-all” gets exercised. In my fact-finding mission I came up with three ways to encourage my sexual attitude to grow and become more diverse. My personal list is made up of A) something I’ve wanted to learn, B) something I’ve wanted to become better at and C) something I’ve been putting off. I came up with: learning Orgasmic Meditation, become better at the art of lingam (penis) massage and a resolution to acquire a new, like-minded lover to practice with. Great! I had my list, now I had to take the leap and start the journey.

Participate: Take The Quickest Action To Achieve One Of Your Goals

This is perhaps the most challenging part of change, the actual dirty work (pardon the pun). However, the most important aspect of this last step is not to delay. I resolved to tackle my chosen first step immediately. If I didn’t engage myself posthaste, chances were I’d keep putting it off. When I found a local Orgasmic Meditation group on Meetup.com, I signed up for my first introduction that same week. Just taking that first step excited and inspired me to investigate other ways to encourage my inner sex goddess to express herself again. I found my desire to pick up the Anais Nin book I had put down and was suddenly inspired to write more erotica.

The most surprising aspect of these three steps was that it immediately opened up my sensuality again. I had a familiar sway to my step and lilt to my voice just from acknowledging and welcoming it back into the fold. I truly believe this small but powerful master-stroke toward changing my sexual attitude right away on New Year’s Day, opened me up to attract more like-minded partners and friends – people who support my new attitude and foster its growth.

I’m only eleven days into the re-invigorating of my sybaritic soul, but so far I’m very glad I actually made and followed through with a resolution this year. Now, if people ask me if I’ve made any New Year’s resolutions, I won’t confuse them with a flippant remark, I’ll intrigue them with the answer “I’m changing my sexual attitude!” as I skip off to practice Orgasmic Meditation, lingam massage or make-out with a new lover.

Jan 082013
 

tumblr_mbs1lrASQV1qdartlo1_500Just because I am open does not mean I let everyone in

Just because I let you in doesn’t mean I do it for everyone

Just because you get a second chance doesn’t mean you’ll get a third

Just because I have some hard edges doesn’t mean I’m not soft
Just because I flirt with you does not mean we will fuck

Just because I enjoy sex does not mean I want to have it now

Just because I express my sexual self does not mean that I am taking numbers

Just because I believe every woman should enjoy her body does not mean it’s an invitation for you to

Just because I want to be wooed does not mean I am high-maintenance

Just because I sleep with you does not mean I will accept less than I should

Just because I want you to fuck me does not mean you can’t be a gentleman

Just because I take charge does not mean I don’t want you to

Just because I want to be treated as a whole person does not mean I don’t like you

Just because I want to be acknowledged for my other charms does not mean I don’t want you inside me

Just because I accept you between my legs does not mean I am “easy”

Just because I’m attracted to you does not mean you can be lazy

Just because I am a feminist does not mean I don’t appreciate chivalry

Just because I talk dirty does not mean I don’t like tenderness

Just because I call you does not mean you can come over

Just because I am pretty does not mean I don’t want to hear it from you

Just because I am confident does not mean I don’t worry you won’t like me naked

Just because I am smart does not mean I won’t say stupid things

Just because I am horny does not mean I don’t want to be held

Just because I speak freely doesn’t mean I give it freely

Just because I am a woman does not mean I don’t want it like a man
Just because I want you does not mean you don’t have to try

Just because I mean this now does not mean I won’t mean it later

Just because I stand up for myself does not mean it’s not scary

Just because I like you does not mean I’ll settle

Just because …

 

 

Jan 072013
 
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I loved this when I first read it and recently went back to it again. So smart. -LC

By Nicole Daedone  Originally published on her blog www.NicoleDaedone.com on 8/8/12

This is what I have come to understand. There is absolutely zero context for men to know how to fuck a Turned On Woman—meaning a woman who is free, who is capable of what I call Unconditional Sex; sex that is not saddled with “conditions” such as promises of wedding proposals, dishwashers, babies. A woman who owns her sex and does not need to use it for barter, who has the wealth and luxury—both energetic and emotional—to use it for her pleasure.

A man I’ve been seeing said, “Yeah, we (men) don’t know what to do because that kind of woman is like a unicorn”.

Sex has been the purview of men, and as such its uses have mostly been masculine. Not a problem in and of itself, but in my opinion a woman’s touch is needed in the arena of what it “means.” I see a polarization of sorts, where, running from sex-as-gravely-significant or sex-for-procreation, the masculine veers way to the other end of the scale: devoid of any emotion, connection or caring; wanton, gluttonous. The only reasons for a woman to engage would be (a) desperation, (b) the “god-given” woman’s agenda (to snag a man in her snare) or, worst of all, (c) that she approaches sex “like a man.” In the present context it is absolutely impossible that a woman could maintain her femininity; still like to yield and surrender; want deep connection and love sex… with—gasp!—more than one person. (Oh, and not be salacious and therefore open to anything from BDSM and gang bangs.) Within the game as it exists, this is a total non-sequitur.

We lack gradients, we live in an either/or perspective. Either a woman’s legs are locked and closed and safe and healthy or else they are open to just about anything flying in there. In the present context it is unthinkable that a woman could both practice discernment and feed her beast. I suppose that it is assumed that she is too fragile to tame the thing. And I suppose this is because we underestimate the power of love as the most powerful trainer.

One of the responses I get most often is that it is intimidating to be with a woman who is facile in the arena of sex. Not “thank god,” not “finally we can see what this thing can do,” but “how do I compare to other guys?” Which leads me to believe that men are not liberated sexually either. Their prowess only goes so far, it is in the hunt, but the having, the devouring is beyond both sexes. There is a hungry ghost rattling around the male psyche that rarely gets exposed. When it does, it goes something like this: I am good at wanting, craving, reaching, begging, but when the food is placed on my table, for some reason I am incapable of eating it. Part of the conditioning of the male psyche is that for a man to admit that he didn’t pounce, it would mean that he was of all things a “pussy,” the worst thing for a man to be, and her sexual appetite makes her a harlot, too man-like—put your negative connotation here—the worst thing she could be.

What I am getting is that we are in one of those Chinese finger locks, both are stuck, each hoping the other has the solution. Yes, the solution is to stop pulling away from each other. It is to stand in the face of this orgasm and brave our various sets of conditioning in order to enter and meet inside of it.

As far as I can tell the biggest challenge for women is a sense of hopelessness that it will ever be “any good”, that it will ever be sex from her native land, the kind where her body can open and she can lose herself. Time and again I hear, he’s too rough, he’s too fast, he doesn’t have enough attention. When I ask these women if they show these men what to do or slow them down, they sink into the paralysis of learned helplessness with an underlying preemptive anger. (And the unconscious fear of being the deer who suddenly turns and tells the lion how to take this meal to the next level.) The assumption is that a man doesn’t want to learn. And I would say, yes, learning occurs in the brain as physical pain. Yes learning is hard. No one likes it. And ultimately it is the only thing that brings us gratification. And I sincerely have never met a man who was not open to suggestion—sometimes they feel clumsy and stupid and try to hide it with bravado (like we all do), but with care and communication, they do have a deep desire.

The biggest challenge I see that men face is the “what is in it for me” mentality, which is devastating in the arena of sexuality. Great for business, bad for orgasm. The daemon which is a fundamental sexual energy, the necessary element of self-seeking that takes her, has run a bit rampant in the conditioned psyche of man such that no matter how much he grabs, he never gets his. That is the real nature of a hungry ghost. The conditioned psyche of men in this culture is that they can grab and grab but they cannot ingest. The daemon has got a hold of them and they are doing its bidding and it will never be gratified. This is why we see masculine driven sex in this culture as empty calories; that devoid of emotion, it is based solely on consumption but not nourishment. And it is a catch-22 in that the constant craving for more that in turn leads toward self seeking prevents the actual nourishment that would bring gratification.

Women hold the counter-pose or the antidote. But dammit, we won’t administer it. We won’t administer it because to do so we would need a place to plug the IV into and that would be straight into the vein of sex. And all the things that would signify about us that we are unwilling to claim. But this isn’t mere weakness or petulance. It lies in the fact that one’s capacity to stand in truth, to not lose oneself in a sea of opinions, to live essentially in an autonomous mind, a room of one’s own, is a result of contacting one’s own daemon as one does through… you got it… orgasm. Again, catch 22— she does not have the muscle to steer sex into the arena of what she likes and wants because she is not having the sex she wants which would develop that muscle. In other words, women do not have the power surging thorough them to withstand judgment about their sex and so do not bring the “other half” of sex, that would nourish both, into the equation.

579178_10152237903185494_755372263_nBut someone’s gotta give. You can’t go to the gym to look good enough to go to the gym. At some point you just gotta face the fact that it is going to hurt. Guys, it is going to screw with your masculinity but you are going to have to be with a woman who is facile enough in the sexual arena, free of all of the signifiers that make you a man, like the agreement to play chaste and subservient. And you are going to have to reward these women for giving you an education that hurts in the receiving. And that will require you to postpone the “getting yours” because in this case “yours” is the receiving of this education which is more a marathon than a sprint and will result in you shifting into a mindset that goes from mere quantity to quality, which ultimately nourishes you and quells the craving or converts it into depth.

And women friends, you are just going to have to withstand the throwing of tomatoes. What is the alternative? Keep your orgasm tamped down for another thousand years because you were unwilling to be called a few names or forego the illusion of there ever being a savior. Yes, there is a savior and guess what— you are it. You are here to save sex from the devastating state it’s in, unless porn, and weird sex where you have to use foreign words like yoni, or medicalized sex replete with medication, is your thing.

Here’s where you start. You admit you want it. Then you determine that are going to make it good. Not that you are going to hope and pray beyond all hope that this guy will be the one to magically “get it.” You are going to insure beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is brilliant and successful. You are going to make it through the dip. The dip is where everyone quits. It’s what Organic Chemistry is to medical school: the class that filters out about 80 per cent of students because it is so challenging. And the dip in terms of your orgasm is your willingness to withstand judgment about being a Turned On Woman. If you can make it through that dip, you have earned your stripes and deserve to have access to the power that orgasm can bring. But you’ve got to earn your chops and withstand the presumptions and assumptions about what it means for a woman to be sexual and then even worse, right when you want to konk them on the head and say “are your out of your friggin’ mind?”—you are going to educate. You are going to educate people into a new way— a way where sex without conditions does not mean sex without consciousness. In the same way it is not weakness that has one able to love unconditionally, it actually stems from strength, it is not desperation that has a woman sex unconditionally, it actually stems from power.

With this in mind, I thought I would give a little guide for the guys as to how to prepare to meet with a Turned on Woman. Sort of like when you are going to camp and they tell you how to prepare—this is How to Prepare to Fuck a Turned On Woman. Mind you, this is just how to prepare to fuck this turned on woman, but in holding up my end of the deal, the one where I make sure that you are brilliant and successful with me—here goes.

We can make this very easy. Set a time and show up on time. Both of us will be feeling a certain anticipation. We will be riding that edge of turn on and irritation. The more we can both stay inside the parameters we agree on in terms of logistics, the more we will develop trust and the more powerfully we can let go. I know how to manage sexual tension in my body, how to allow it to build and build. To a point. Often you hear about a woman being dramatic. Its not drama—it’s screech level anticipation. I want it to be that you show up and I am in the sweet spot—that line where I am having you and wanting you both. I cannot tell you how many guys “got lost on my way” coming over to have sex.

A context needs to be set because this is neither a bootie call nor a marriage ceremony. Alan Watts once said that life is far too serious to be taken seriously. This is as well. Again we are looking for a sweet spot where, on the one hand, we acknowledge that we are exploring together in the most charged, intense, potential that exists on the planet; and on the other, in the same way Suzuki Roshi says that enlightenment is just sitting—this is just sex. The experience begins when we agree to meet, and from that moment everything from wondering what I should wear for you to feeling a throb in my pussy when I imagine you being here, is part of it. I include everything, which makes it that much richer. It is like going to the symphony and being attuned to every note. Somehow doing this creates an experience of losing oneself. That is the ultimate experience that I am looking for with you—for each of us to lose ourselves and discover what is there when we do. =

For this reason I like it when you text or email me your thoughts, desires …… Read the rest on Nicole’s blog:  ORIGINAL POSTING FROM NICOLE DAEDONE’S WEBSITE HERE

 

 

Nicole Daedone is a sought-after speaker, teacher, and author who has spent her groundbreaking career redefining orgasm from a woman’s point of view. Starting with her fundamental belief that a woman’s sex is her power, she treats supposedly taboo subjects with unparalleled humor, intelligence, and insight.

Nicole is the author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Grand Central/Hachette, May 2011) and is the founder of OneTaste, a company that offers training in orgasm, communication, and man-woman relationships through online media and in-person coaching and courses. The practice at the heart of her work is called OM or Orgasmic Meditation. OM uniquely combines the tradition of extended orgasm with Nicole’s own interest in Zen Buddhism, mystical Judaism and semantics. Helping to foster a new conversation about orgasm—one that’s relevant and real—she has inspired thousands of students to make OM a part of their everyday lives.

Her work has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Post, the San Francisco Chronicle, and 7×7 Magazine, among others, and her writing has appeared in Tricycle magazine. She is also a featured speaker at the 2011 TEDxSF conference.

For more about OneTaste and OM, visit www.onetaste.us. Nicole’s blog appears at www.nicoledaedone.com.

Jan 032013
 

evi_4x6postcard-1Originally appeared in AVN Business Sep 24th, 2012 

LONG BEACH, Calif.—Evi, the revolutionary hands-free Kegel exerciser by health-conscious manufacturer Aneros, made its debut before an audience of sex experts, health advocates and discerning consumers at the CatalystCon conference in Long Beach, Calif., Sept. 14-16.

Evi was presented to CatalystCon attendees by Ducky Dolittle, a renowned sexpert of more than 20 years. Doolittle’s seminar, “Kegels and the Art of Orgasm,” offered conference attendees a guided tour of the female anatomy and the benefits of strengthening PC muscles, which control urine flow and contract during orgasm. A self-proclaimed “Kegel monster,” Doolittle offered her full endorsement of Evi, noting her personal mind-blowing experience with Aneros’ latest revolutionary design and subsequent partnership with the brand after personally contacting Aneros.

“It’s totally unique,” Doolittle said in her presentation of Evi. “Aneros understands the anatomy unlike any other company.”

CatalystCon organizer Dee Dennis stated, “I was thrilled Aneros chose CatalystCon to debut Evi. CatalystCon is about creating change, and I feel we created something groundbreaking by launching a product not at the traditional industry trade show, but instead with actual sex education, going right to those who will use Evi. The message Aneros sent by debuting Evi at CatalystCon was their first concern is not bottom line or sales, but the sexual health and well being of those who will be using Evi.”

The hands-free device is anatomically designed to fit all women and is made of a velvety smooth medical-grade silicone material guaranteeing users sensual stimulation while strengthening PC muscles. With correct insertion, Evi alternately stimulates the G-spot and clitoris with a simple Kegel exercise, essentially providing pleasurable incentives for Kegel fitness.

Firm enough to pivot and hold its shape while providing comfort, Evi delivers an inner fullness by adapting to the anatomical contours of a woman’s vagina. Contracting and relaxing pelvic floor muscles causes Evi to caress the anterior wall of the vagina known as the G-spot, while externally stimulating the clit. The pace and pressure can be controlled by rocking and twirling the hips, thus offering women versatile stimulation.

Early reviews of Evi report strengthened PC muscles and intense orgasms marked by involuntary vaginal contractions, to which Evi responds by elongating the experience and often leading to female ejaculation. For newbies, Evi by Aneros offers a valuable tool for gauging PC muscle strength, while encouraging fitness with rewarding results during each use.

Sex Blogger and sex-positive activist Lady Cheeky said, “I was interested in Evi primarily for its Kegel focus. I found Evi provided me with a comfortable, and dare I say, enjoyable workout for my pelvic floor muscles. Once inserted, my Kegels were immediately engaged and intuitively clasped onto Evi, making the Kegel exercise itself thought-free. Extremely comfortable, I could walk, sit, and drive, all the while knowing Evi was secure and doing its job. Evi is like a barbell for your lady bits!”

“We attend a lot of conferences and have interacted with a lot of sponsors, and we’ve never been as impressed as we were with Aneros at CatalystCon,” stated EvilSlutopia.com co-founders and Executive Editors Lilith and Jezebel. “The fact they chose CatalystCon for the Evi launch says a lot about them as a company and their dedication to sex positivity and sex education …We’ve never seen any sponsor treat the conference organizer so well or be so genuinely nice, helpful, and professional and just overall fucking awesome to everyone.”

At the conclusion of Doolittle’s presentation of Evi at CatalystCon, a raffle sent several enthusiastic winners home with an Evi of their own—however, discarded packaging in the women’s bathroom suggested some women couldn’t wait to take Evi for a spin.

The demand for Evi also is evident on its dedicated Facebook page at Facebook.com/eviByAneros.

For more information on Evi by Aneros, or to enter a raffle to win an Evi, visit Aneros.com/evi/.

 

Jan 032013
 

evi_4x6postcard-1Originally appeared in AVN Business Sep 24th, 2012 

LONG BEACH, Calif.—Evi, the revolutionary hands-free Kegel exerciser by health-conscious manufacturer Aneros, made its debut before an audience of sex experts, health advocates and discerning consumers at the CatalystCon conference in Long Beach, Calif., Sept. 14-16.

Evi was presented to CatalystCon attendees by Ducky Dolittle, a renowned sexpert of more than 20 years. Doolittle’s seminar, “Kegels and the Art of Orgasm,” offered conference attendees a guided tour of the female anatomy and the benefits of strengthening PC muscles, which control urine flow and contract during orgasm. A self-proclaimed “Kegel monster,” Doolittle offered her full endorsement of Evi, noting her personal mind-blowing experience with Aneros’ latest revolutionary design and subsequent partnership with the brand after personally contacting Aneros.

“It’s totally unique,” Doolittle said in her presentation of Evi. “Aneros understands the anatomy unlike any other company.”

CatalystCon organizer Dee Dennis stated, “I was thrilled Aneros chose CatalystCon to debut Evi. CatalystCon is about creating change, and I feel we created something groundbreaking by launching a product not at the traditional industry trade show, but instead with actual sex education, going right to those who will use Evi. The message Aneros sent by debuting Evi at CatalystCon was their first concern is not bottom line or sales, but the sexual health and well being of those who will be using Evi.”

The hands-free device is anatomically designed to fit all women and is made of a velvety smooth medical-grade silicone material guaranteeing users sensual stimulation while strengthening PC muscles. With correct insertion, Evi alternately stimulates the G-spot and clitoris with a simple Kegel exercise, essentially providing pleasurable incentives for Kegel fitness.

Firm enough to pivot and hold its shape while providing comfort, Evi delivers an inner fullness by adapting to the anatomical contours of a woman’s vagina. Contracting and relaxing pelvic floor muscles causes Evi to caress the anterior wall of the vagina known as the G-spot, while externally stimulating the clit. The pace and pressure can be controlled by rocking and twirling the hips, thus offering women versatile stimulation.

Early reviews of Evi report strengthened PC muscles and intense orgasms marked by involuntary vaginal contractions, to which Evi responds by elongating the experience and often leading to female ejaculation. For newbies, Evi by Aneros offers a valuable tool for gauging PC muscle strength, while encouraging fitness with rewarding results during each use.

Sex Blogger and sex-positive activist Lady Cheeky said, “I was interested in Evi primarily for its Kegel focus. I found Evi provided me with a comfortable, and dare I say, enjoyable workout for my pelvic floor muscles. Once inserted, my Kegels were immediately engaged and intuitively clasped onto Evi, making the Kegel exercise itself thought-free. Extremely comfortable, I could walk, sit, and drive, all the while knowing Evi was secure and doing its job. Evi is like a barbell for your lady bits!”

“We attend a lot of conferences and have interacted with a lot of sponsors, and we’ve never been as impressed as we were with Aneros at CatalystCon,” stated EvilSlutopia.com co-founders and Executive Editors Lilith and Jezebel. “The fact they chose CatalystCon for the Evi launch says a lot about them as a company and their dedication to sex positivity and sex education …We’ve never seen any sponsor treat the conference organizer so well or be so genuinely nice, helpful, and professional and just overall fucking awesome to everyone.”

At the conclusion of Doolittle’s presentation of Evi at CatalystCon, a raffle sent several enthusiastic winners home with an Evi of their own—however, discarded packaging in the women’s bathroom suggested some women couldn’t wait to take Evi for a spin.

The demand for Evi also is evident on its dedicated Facebook page at Facebook.com/eviByAneros.

For more information on Evi by Aneros, or to enter a raffle to win an Evi, visit Aneros.com/evi/.

 

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