Anais Nin and Henry Miller on Death and Dreams:
I stumbled upon the above clip of Anais Nin and Henry Miller in conversation recently and couldn’t stop watching it.
Two famous lovers, colleagues, icons, writers, discuss death and dreams in sometimes simple and at other times esoteric way. To me, this is a sapiosexuals dream – at least for THIS sapiosexual.
Two intellectual sages just having a random conversation … on a random Sunday afternoon … being filmed by a random person.
I consciously seek to participate in anything that fosters this kind of random in my life.
Like great sex, it makes me feel alive.
The kind of alive that keeps your brain buzzing for hours and hours after the conversation has ended. I feel my most creative, inspired and energized after a hearty thought provoking tête-à-tête. In fact, my sensuality is at it’s zenith at these times. My senses are more acute and open to textures, atmosphere, sound, flavor at these times. In fact, I find my vulnerability more available to me and because of that, more forgiving and beautiful.
All this zestful animation from a real, unfettered, uncompetitive, organic, intellectual exchange and welcoming of ideas, not only turns me on but enlivens me entirely and seasons every moment with it’s brain buzzing spirit. Other than sex this, is what makes me feel most alive …
Other than sex, what makes YOU feel the most alive? I look forward to reading your responses in the comments below. xox Elle
P.S. For more Anais Nin and Henry Miller on YouTube, click HERE
One of the most undeniable virtues of a true Sacred Seductress is the way she loves her flesh. A Seductress loves every inch of her self: smooth skin, dimpled skin, parts that stick out, parts that just don’t. It is all as beautiful as a sunrise to her. Because of the conviction in her self-love, the judgments one usually makes about a female body seem to slip away when they are in her presence. She is that powerful.
When I say sacred seductress, you might be wondering what I mean. Who I am talking about is you. As a woman who teaches seduction, people always assume that I teach things like one-liners and mind games. Hardly. These things are not seductive. They may have an instant effect of fascination or intrigue, but real seduction, true seduction, sacred seduction, comes from a much deeper place: a place of total, unapologetic authenticity. Seductive power and prowess is something we all possess. In my retreats it is never a matter of teaching a woman something new. It is a matter of giving her permission to remember.
One of the greatest myths we are fed about seduction is that in order to be successful you must achieve a “perfect” esthetic and body. What a crock of shit. A Seductress does not wait around for the “perfect body” to arrive in order to feel and know her full sensual and erotic power. She understands that sexy is something that lives inside of her, rather than outside. She sources her beauty from her ability to feel and just be, not how someone told her she should look. The things she is told she should be ashamed of she flaunts rather than hides. She treats them like the diamonds that they are: rare, beautiful, and perfectly imperfect.
Body hatred is an epidemic amongst women. We live in a culture that teaches us to believe that she must meet an impossible list of qualifications in order to feel “beautiful.” The tricky thing about this list of benchmarks however, is that there is not a woman alive who could even come close to meeting them all. For every woman who wishes her hips were smaller, there is a woman who wishes her hips were more round. For every woman who wishes her breasts were fuller, there is a woman wishing she could wear t-shirts without feeling self-conscious. It reminds me of the story “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” We are all striving so desperately to be perfect, sexy, beautiful, young; and yet it is this exact desperation to change what is already perfect that makes us all feel so downright ugly.
A Seductress transcends all of this by making the important distinction between true beauty, and learned beauty. Learned beauty is what we do when our sole purpose is to gain the approval of others based on what we have been told is beautiful. When we aim to achieve the beauty we have learned, we are dependent on external validation to convince us of our power and radiance. But a true Seductress knows with every fiber of her being that true beauty is eternal. It never leaves us. It does not change with our outfit or our hairstyle or our age. True beauty means that we need never pause in the mirror and ask ourselves “do I look beautiful right now?” True beauty needs never be questioned. It is a simple feminine truth.
This is a lesson that was not easily learned for me. As a woman who spent half her life unable to wear short sleeves for fear of exposing even her arms, I have come a long way baby. Everyday I recommit to choosing to see past the bullshit that tells me that unless I walk around in a photo shop pod, I have reason to doubt myself. I choose to honor, appreciate and revere the temple of my flesh. I adore my body, and I wish the same for you.
By Kitty Cavalier
I adore My Body.
It is so scrumptious and delicious, I just want to gobble myself up.
I love my legs. They are like the most elegant champagne flutes. I imagine that if they were a food, they would taste like ladyfingers drizzled with chocolate and whipped cream.
I love my arms. I love the way they taper delicately at the wrist. I love their shape as I hold onto the subway rail. I love the way my muscles flex as I sway from side to side.
I love my breasts; they are like the ripest plum, hanging on a vine in Tuscany, warm from the sun.
I adore my hips. Their curves, the way I can grab the flesh on the bone. They give me a sense of home, like a crisp, brown Christmas turkey cooked with butter under the skin. Yum.
I love my Belly. I love the roundness of it. I love how authentically feminine it is. I love having it massaged in a warm bath with oil underwater.
I LOVE my shoulders, my clavicle, and my décolleté. My clavicle is like an Olympic ice skater. Graceful, elegant. A perfect ten. My décolleté; smooth like the frosting on top of a birthday cake. My shoulders, like marble pillars in the Sistine Chapel, holding everything together with strength, grace and beauty.
I love my hair. Like warm amber honey. Smooth, lustrous, sensuous.
I love my face. My eyes, like looking down an endless beach. My lips, like perfect velvet pillows you just want to sink into. My skin, like the creamy froth on top of a cappuccino.
I love being a woman.
I love being me.
In the words of Doris Day, “I enjoy being a girl.”
Kitty comes to LA April 11-13th bringing her signature event:
The Seduction Experience, a 3-day immersion into sacred seduction.
Check her out. KITTY CAVALIER
This time I’ll be at the luscious KAMA SUTRA CLOSET on Main Street!
Who says you have to be skinny to have the best sex of your life?
Whether it’s media and advertising images of “perfect” bodies or snarky comments about our weight, fat-shaming is all around us, and it can get in the way of our sexual confidence and pleasure. In this workshop, which combines lecture and discussion, body-positive educator Lady Cheeky talks about attitudes (both external and internal) that can hold us back from great sex and specific challenges we face as plus-sized lovers. You will learn skills – from communication tools to the best toys, techniques and positions – to help you embrace your sexuality and have big, beautiful sex.
Join us to:
* overcome fat-shaming
* be more compassionate and nicer to ourselves
* build sexual confidence feel confident and sexy
* find toys and positions that work best for your body
* learn about resources for ongoing support
Beverages and snacks provided by hosts
$10* (all proceeds go to the speaker)
*attendees receive a $10 Kama Sutra Closet gift certificate at this workshop, good towards anything in the stores
To reserve your space, use this link:
Last year, Emergency Contraceptive Pills otherwise known as “The Morning After Pill” was approved by the FDA for over the counter (OTC) sales beginning in August 2013. Since then, there has been some confusion as to how to get it and who can get it in different states. In fact, one state, Oklahoma this over the counter policy has been blocked pending the outcome of litigation. So try not to forget to take your pill in Oklahoma.
How is a responsible vagina owner supposed to know what the policy is in her state? There’s conflicting information even with the most specific of Google searches and a difference of opinion among pharmacists that I’ve asked over the last six months. It’s been very confusing to say the least.
Thank goodness for The Guttmacher Institute whose mission statement is all about promoting reproductive health.
In their latest brief released this month, The Guttmacher Institute provides s a grid of 35+states Emergency Contraception policy. Regardless, if you are in need of Emergency Contraception and you’re under 17 years of age, make sure you call your pharmacy ahead of time to make certain they have Plan B One Step in stock and to find out their age restrictions (if applicable).
So, what if your best friend was in need of Emergency Contraception (EC) or “back-up birth control” would you know what to tell her? Would you know what kind to advise her to get and which is the most appropriate in her circumstance? EC can be a confusing maze to navigate, I’m going to try and break it down as best I can:
First, a few things you might want to be aware of:
1) Emergency Contraceptive Pills (ECP’s) can be purchased and used by people across the gender spectrum as people who don’t identify as female may still be able to get pregnant.
2) If you think you may already be pregnant, ECP’s, will not terminate the pregnancy nor has it been shown that taking an ECP would harm the fetus.
3) Even after taking an ECP you CAN get pregnant. If you have unprotected sex right away, use another method, like a condom, just in case.
4) Some people can have certain side effects like nausea, cramps, headache, etc.
5) Your next period may come sooner or later than expected
6) Some medications and/or alternative medicinal supplements may interfere with the effectiveness of not only your regular birth control pill, but your ECP.
7) The sooner you take an ECP the better they work.
WHAT EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTIVES ARE NOT:
1) Emergency Contraceptives are NOT meant to be birth control. EC’s should not be used in place of standard birth control methods and ONLY as a back up incase you forget your daily pill, forget to insert your ring, the condom breaks, etc.
2) Emergency Contraceptives are NOT the same thing as the “abortion pill.” Emergency Contraceptives work by delaying ovulation. The “Abortion Pill” or RU-486, otherwise known as the brand Mifeprex works by literally terminating an early pregnancy.
3) EC’s will NOT protect you from HIV/AIDS or STI’s. End of story. Always use a barrier method such as a male or female condom if you want to protect yourself from infection.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff. Here’s a some basic information that might make choosing what kind of Emergency Contraception works best for you (or your best friend), easier. Of course, don’t take my word for it … always read the full directions and contraindications that come with any medicine to make certain that the drug is safe for you:
NAME: Plan-B One Step - Emergency Contraception Pill
AVAILABLE: Over the counter without a prescription or proof of age*
KIND: Levongestrel/Progestin based meds
WHAT IS IT?: Levongestrel is the effective ingredient in this ECP. It works by suppressing ovulation and therefore inhibiting fertilization. Plan B-One Step is the only form of ECP that is currently available for sale to anyone, regardless of age or gender over the counter at a pharmacy without a prescription. There are generic options, Next Choice, My Way, One Dose, Postinor (which will soon be available at your pharmacy) but these are currently only available from your doctor, clinic or other health care provider and only if you are 17 years old or older.*
If your pharmacy or health care provider gives you ECP’s which contain 2 pills (usually Next Choice or even an older version of Plan B), take both pills together. The Association of Reproductive Health Professionals (ARHP) recommends that you take the pills immediately and at the same. This method has been proven safe and effective by the ARHP and numerous studies.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: You need to take this within 3 days/72 hours of unprotected sex. In fact the sooner you take it, the more effective it is, as each day you wait the potentcy declines. Taking Plan B et al after 3 days/ 72 hours, the product cannot be guaranteed to work effectively (although it has been known to work for up to 120 hours/5 days).
If you have a BMI of 25 or over, or weigh more than 155- 165 lbs, this may not the Emergency Contraceptive for you. Recent studies done in Europe have shown that the efficacy of the pill wanes for women beyond this measurement, in fact it the risk of pregnancy is three times greater than with women under a BMI of 25, which sucks, because about half of the fertile women in the U.S. fall into this range.
Used as instructed Plan B and other Levongesterel based ECP’s have an 88% effective rate.
WHAT IS IT?: You do need a prescription for ella, but that is relatively easy to get from a health care provider, Planned Parenthood or even ella’s own website. KwikMed.(which ella’s website will direct you to) will allow people
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: You do not need to show proof of any age to get a prescription from one of their doctors online, and overnight ella to you. ella is the only ECP that is approved to be taken up to 5 days after unprotected sex, and it’s effectiveness is the same on the fifth day as it is on the first. This is great news, as sperm can live up to 5 days inside the body. ella is also considered to be more effective than the over the counter Plan B One Step or Levongestrel ECP’s.
ella does have a weight/BMI warning and though it’s a little more forgiving than other ECP’s. For ella to be effective you must not have a BMI over 35 or have a weight (approx.165 lbs or more). If you weigh over 175 lbs. contraceptive efficacy is reduced if you weigh 165 or more and was not effective in women weighing 176 or more.
NAME: The Yuzpe Method (Combined Birth Control Pill Method)
AVAILABLE: Prescription from healthcare provider
KIND: Progestin & Estrogen
The Yuzpe Method is taking a combination of certain monthly birth control pills in specific amounts and in a specific order. This method can be up to 75% effective, if taken as instructed within 72 hours of unprotected sex. You need to see your healthcare provider before you try this one, as only certain birth control pills are viable for emergency contraception.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:
You will need to use a back-up method, like condoms to guard yourself against pregnancy, especially if your usual method of birth control is the pill.
WHAT IS IT? Paragard, is a copper IUD (intrauterine device) which does not contain any hormones. Paragard is, by far, the most effective option for anyone who needs Emergency Contraception, or as a regular means of contraception regardless of weight. The copper IUD 99-100% effective—meaning it prevents at least 99 out of 100 pregnancies that normally would have occurred. Paragard it can be inserted up to 5 days after unprotected sex with the same effectiveness on Day 5 as on Day 1. No other IUD on the market works as Emergency Contraception - Mirena and Skyla, cannot be used as an emergency contraceptive. ParaGard is the only copper IUD available in the U.S. and prevents pregnancy for up to 10-12 years after insertion.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Some women experience cramping, heavy and longer periods and have spotting in between periods after the IUD is inserted, but for most women, this usually goes away within 2-3 months as your body adjusts to the IUD. It’s important to note, that other hormone containing IUD’s, like Skyla & Mirena cannot be used for emergency contraception. Also, something to consider with the copper IUD is that some women report that their periods have a slightly heavier flow than they’re used to and that cramping can be more pronounced than before.
Women who might not be a candidate for an IUD would be women who are allergic to copper, women with abnormalities of the uterine cavity (ie; T-shaed uterus), inflammation/infection of the pelvis or cervix, some types of endometriosis or a rare disorder called Wilson’s disease that stops the body from getting rid of copper. However, you should always check with your medical provider if you have any concerns about your candidacy for an IUD. When getting your IUD inserted, ask your doctor if he/she will be using an analgesic to ease the discomfort, if not you can certainly askParaguard does not stop your period. In fact it can give you longer periods. However, it’s the perfect choice for women who are sensitive to hormones, who want sexual spontenaity, women who want their natural menstrual cycle and it’s a birth control method that is easily reversible.
*** If you’re a trans man who takes hormones, you should talk with your doctor and see what they recommend when it comes to taking emergency contraception. Unfortunately, right now there isn’t enough research that tells us how hormonal EC will affect you, so your best choice may be the non-hormonal ParaGard IUD.
More on Emergency Contraception:
Bedsider has an EC search with locations providing EC if you’re not sure where to get it in your area.
New rules for Emergency Contraception: CLICK HERE
To find out where to get contraception, CLICK HERE
* This chart from the Guttmacher Institute shows what most individual states allow regarding OTC sale of Emergency Contraceptives CLICK HERE
To see a video on how ECPs work, see below:
Not 2 Late: www.not-2-late.com
Most recent published paper on Emergency Contraception by Princeton: http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/ec-review.pdf
Planned Parenthood – Weight and EC:
Healthcare in Our Hands: http://ecotc.tumblr.com
Guttmacher Institute on EC as of 2/14: http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_EC.pdf
Bedsider.org on EC: http://bedsider.org/methods/emergency_contraception#alternatives_tab
Quick YouTube video from AsapSCIENCE:
SEX IS BACK is a sex-positive storytelling campaign gathering video testimonials from people of all genders, orientations and walks of life. With this project, we want to demonstrate the sheer diversity of human sexuality. We hope you’ll be as inspired, aroused, moved and entertained as we have been. In March 2013 at CatalystCon East, The Pleasure Chest was set up in conference room with a digital camera, lights and a directive: to ask people about their sex lives for their SEX IS BACK project. I took part, as did a lot of way more fascinating, interesting people including some of the sex-positive community’s most illustrious icons like; Tristan Taormino, Maria Falzone, Jessica Drake, Buck Angel and Megan Andelloux. It’s affirming and inspiring in so many ways to hear how others, discovering their kinky side, lost their virginity, had an embarrassing sex mishap, the best sex tips and accept who they are. Mine is below, but there’s even more sexy goodness on the SEX IS BACK site so check it out: SEX IS BACK
Ken Melvoin Berg … (swoon) … Ken Melvoin Berg …
I don’t break out the West Side Story for just anyone so you can probably guess I have a big, ol’ stupid, sloppy, dippy, awkward, sapiosexual, carnal college crush on Ken Melvoin-Berg. The kind of crush that makes even the most vivacious of personalities, clam -up, giggle and blush when he’s around. I thought I should come clean, right up front, before I go on and on about him, and before you finish his favorite things (you’ll see why). This way we’re all on the same page, and you can experience his list like I did, for the first time (giggle/blush) except I doubt you will giggle and blush at the end.
Ken Melvoin-Berg is one of the most interesting people you’ll come across. He is a sex-educator, entrepreneur, author, business owner, lecturer, consultant, co-host, psychic, psychic detective and proud Chicagoen. Yep, all those things. I met Ken Melvoin-Berg at the same time I met his fiancee/partner, the incomparable sex educator, Sunny Megatron last year, right before they gave a G-spot and Female Ejaculation class at a the famous BDSM/Fetish shop, The Stockroom in Los Angeles. I’ve been smitten with both of them ever since.
Known in the sex education world as a consummate professional with expertise in all things kinky and sexy. Ken has a natural showmanship that feels part professorial and part carnival barker … and I mean that as a compliment. He is a sapiosexual’s dream, waxing philosophic on some erudite topic one minute and talking about Wartenberg Wheels whilst he twists his handle-bar mustache the next. This fully tatted, clown sex lovin’, PT Barnum of Sex Education and it doesn’t stop there. Ken co-hosts a web series on (what else) sex with Sunny called “Outside the Box with Sunny Megatron” on Inside Adult, he owns the lauded Weird Chicago Tours, where visitors and residents alike can enjoy excursion ranging from Chicago Ganster Tours to a Red Light District Tour. Ken has also co-written a book on Weird Chicago paranormals that you must check out. Yup, a renaissance man of the fringe. If you ever get a chance to check out Ken and Sunny’s sex ed classes, you should because they are as entertaining as they are informative … and they are VERY informative.
So here we go … 5 sex toys and a lube from the salacious and sexy, Ken Melvoin-Berg:
1. Fun Factory Cobra Libre: This is the best #1 go-to toy for men. The only problems with it are that people think it’s a space age vacuum cleaner and has a steep learning curve in understanding its uses. It seems short, but like my favorite game, just the tip is all you need. Turn on your favorite porn and the dual motors and rock out with your cock out.You can give yourself a handy or just grind itno it to get off. It is like a concave hitachi for people with cocks.
2. Tenga Fliphole Black If you ever wondered what Cthulhu’s vagina looks like, take off the outer case and open up. When it’s put back together apply your favorite lube, stick cock in hole, press the three buttons to massage your willy, repeat and blast your baby batter into the fliphole.
3. nJoy Pure Wand #1 Greg from nJoy invented this because he is a brilliant engineer and a perverted man, just like me. It’s the best multi-purpose toy on the market, You can get someone’s g-spot off and make her squirt, get your own p-spot massaged, and use it in hand-to-hand combat as a bludgeoning weapon.
4. Cal Exotics Silicone Jack Rabbit Ring: This toy is a slice of heaven, wrapped in bacon and dipped in chocolate. It has two motors that are strong enough to get you hard in seconds. Rest your flaccid man-meat on the ears like an armrest for wiener. In a few seconds, BOING! Boner city baby. Then use it during vaginal/anal penetration and the ears can actually stimulate both of you at once. Two birds, one stone. It’s the best cock ring on the market and a must have for all people with cocks.
5. Lady Cheeky This scarlet haired temptress from the land of fuck is not really a toy, unless she wills it so. She can give the most amazing swirly things on your cock with her mouth, play your balls like a percussionist for a Mozart symphony, fuck you until your drained of all fluids, or at least that what it’s like in my head.
… and a lube
Wicked Ultra Chill Silicone Lube: For dudes, lube is a toy. Wicked silicone lube is the best lube ever!! Silicone lube is mana from heaven. It is hypoallergenic, vegan, pH balanced as to not hurt your cock, lady parts or ass. The temperature additive is unlike any other, it won’t freeze your junk off like a polar vortex. Instead it’s like a cool breeze that whispers ,”Cum for me man-beast!” to your cock.
You can get more Ken Melvoin-Berg at:
and here’s his latest piece on Sunny’s website about Service Topping from the Bottom
… and check out Ken and Sunny talk about clown sex on the Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast,
Click on the pic!
The above photo of Sunny and Ken and the top photo of Ken by Outer Focus Photo/Brigette Sullivan
Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day again (sigh). For some it’s just another day of the week, for others it reminds them of how alone they are and yet for some frisky couples, it can be the sexiest holiday they celebrate all year. But for us cynics, we like to remind ourselves of the dubious origins of Valentine’s Day and its dark and stupid past. Some speculate that the “roman-tic” Romans, got drunk and naked between February 13th and 15th celebrating the Feast of Lupercalia. They danced, and ate and drank, then killed dogs and goats. Subsequently, they beat their women with the hydes of those dogs and goats, in a misguided attempt at making those women more fertile. Believe it or not, women actually lined up for this honor. Of course AFTER the beatings there was a Lupercalia Social, a matchmaking raffle where these newly coupled couples, would couple for a couple of days.
Oh those knuckleheads! The fun they must’ve had!
Later on Emperor Claudius II killed two martyrs by the name of Valentine on February 14th. The Catholic Church, not to waste an opportunity to stick it to “the man”, named February 14th “St. Valentine’s Day” … a day of remembrance. Truly, it was one of the most passive aggressive moves against the government in history.
At the same time, in another part of the world, a people called the Normans were celebrating “Galatin’s Day,” a day of celebrating (not beating, but celebrating) women and love. Later, the Pope (Gelasius) eventually merged the Feast of Lupercalia aka Valentine’s Day … and you know, “Galatin” sounded like “Valentine” … you get the picture.
Now, because of some ancient domestic assaultive rituals, willy-nilly capital punishment and, of course the Catholic Church, we have a whole 24 hours in which we celebrate the delights of being in love and the multi-billion dollar industry it spawned. It makes perfect sense, right? Are you turned on yet? Good.
What’s my point? Good question. I guess it’s that we should feel grateful that we celebrate the modernized version, and not the original Feast of Lupercalia. And to further drive a forced, non-sequitur segue home, I will help you have fun on this holiday of candy and musical Justin Beiber Valentine’s Day cards, with my own list of what I think are the bee’s knees of Valentine’s Day gifts for you and your honey. I promise you, it will be better than dead goats and public hangings:
Sex in the Shower Valentine’s Day Gift Box: Sex in the shower always looks great in the movies. There’s no mascara running down the gal’s face, her partner’s hair is always perfect and they NEVER seem to have to negotiate odd angles, slippery tubs, application of lube or a condom or placement of limbs. This is precisely why I do not have sex in the shower … unless I’m too drunk to care. But, behold! Someone has thought about all those issues and made products to facilitate your lovemaking in the shower, like, suction footrests and handles that don’t budge, Suction cups with straps to hold on to so you can balance or engage in a little “restraint,” there’s also a friction’ loofah with a vibrator in it! you get all of that and more in this well-priced Valentine’s Day Gift Box. Seriously, what are you waiting for? SportSheets Sex in the Shower Valentine’s Gift Box / $99.95
jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: I don’t know about you but I like my sex education sexy. Thank goodness Wicked feels the same way, they have a fantastic sex educational DVD series with famed adult film star and sex educator, jessica drake called, jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex. Watching this series of instructional DVD’s on fellatio, threesomes, anal sex, positions and more is like watching porn AND learning something. We all know that porn is NOT real sex, but in jessica drake’s comprehensive collection, she speaks to couples about what they like in the sac and then those same couples demo the acts in full HD. If your partner is a little shy about porn or even talking about sex, this might be a way to go. Get one title or the whole series, either way you can’t go wrong. jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex available on DVD
Liberator Whirl & Throe: Sex is fun … and it’s more fun when you can try different positions with ease. I’ve loved my Liberator Wedge for awhile now, but I just got the Whirl. The great thing about the Whirl is that it’s basically a bolster pillow, but made with super firm, furniture grade foam. Bend over it for doggie-style, put it under your hips for oral, straddle and lay on top of it for anal, under the knees to support your back and your partner on top – there are many different ways to use the Whirl. The best part? It comes in a bunch of colors to match your bed so it matches most spaces. The Liberator ‘Throe’ is a sexy water-proof throw to put under you two when you’re having sex. It protects any surface from the mess and clean up that can sometimes come from a night of lovin’. When you’re done toss it in the washer instead of your sheets! The Throe looks like any other luxe blanket and also comes in a multitude of colors to match your aesthetic. Place them both on your bed and no one will be the wiser, they just look just like any other decorator pillow and a throw! Liberator Whirl & Throe $80.00/ $90.00
*Note: Sugar is not good for the vagina. As tempting as it is, I urge you NOT to insert a chocolate dildo or any other sugar-laden confection into one.
Last year, I was lucky enough to be on Sex Educator, Sunny Megatron’s show for Inside Adult, “Outside the Box with Sunny Megatron.” We reviewed glass dildos, sweated our asses off in the barely air-conditioned studio and laughed … a lot. But that’s not how I first met Sunny …
I met Sunny Megatron for the first time when I went to The Stockroom, a kink and BDSM focused sex shop in Los Angeles. I had come to see her and her partner Ken Melvoin-Berg, give a G-spot and Female Ejaculation Workshop that I had heard would be second to none. I was NOT disappointed. The class would be a first for me – live, in person squirting! Sunny and Ken demonstrated female ejaculation on a real woman with a vagina and I got a front row view. After their class, we did what everyone does after a live squirting demonstration … we went out for cocktails (see pic >>).
From then on out, my brain crush on Sunny (and her dreamy partner Ken) became embarrassing. I believe there was Facebook stalking involved. Luckily, my obsession didn’t scare them off and they agreed to do a “Smutty Smarty of Sex.” First Sunny … next week Ken.
Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Ms. Sunny Megatron!
This is a difficult assignment. Five toys. ONLY five? Do you know how long I agonized over my five toys? It was so hard to narrow down! I know, I know #FirstWorldProfessionalMasturbatorProblems, right?
1. Wahl 2 Speed Massager: It’s ugly. It’s clunky. It plugs in the wall. It’s the inexpensive “muscle massager” *wink wink* you bought as a gift for your grandma that one Christmas. Now, years later, after you’ve figured out what people really use it for, you can’t look grandma square in the eye ever again. If you did look grandma in the eye, you’d notice she has a permanent gleam in it because the Wahl is one of the best *cough cough* “massagers” out there. I’d choose a Wahl over a Hitachi Magic Wand any day. My clit has never been happier. Either has your grandmother’s.
2. Reflections Serenity Glass G-spot Wand: This is the less expensive, very close cousin of the Njoy Pure Wand. When my hands are full of lube and lady juice, I find this toy a little easier to hold onto than its stainless steel counterpart. It also feels slightly more ergonomic to me. The Serenity is the very first toy I ejaculated with– it helped me become the dirty, squirty girl I am today! Bonus is, it can also be used as a prostate toy for man butts. I dig it so much I gave one to Lady Cheeky to review too.
3. Jack Rabbit Silicone Cock Ring: I can’t stand vibrating cock rings. Can’t. Stand. Them. They don’t vibrate enough nor do they maintain contact with my vulva enough during sex to even matter. This ring is so powerful it turns my partner’s entire cock into an intense vibrator. The rabbit ears are long enough to touch my clit and vulva constantly during every thrust. Best yet, the penised partner wearing it feels amazing sexytime things too. Double win!
4. Jimmy Jane Form 2: My clit LOVES this toy! It’s the most powerful non-plug in external vibrator I’ve tried. The Form 2 is perfect for me because it’s small, easy to hold/control, rechargeable, water proof and has a travel lock for orgasms on the road. You can throw it in your luggage (or purse) and not have to worry about it turning itself on making the TSA think you have an explosive device in your bags. Well, technically it is an explosive device . . . if you’re talking explosive orgasms! *rim shot* (I know that was a cheesy joke but at least I didn’t bring your grandmother into it again.)
5. Mystim Tension Lover TENS Unit + Groovy George Dildo attachment: Most people think of this as a BDSM toy. It can be used for that but I prefer to use it on myself for pure pleasure. I set the electricity on the toy to mimic the feeling of suckling on my clit and, at the same time, the inserted dildo contracts and releases my vaginal muscles just like an orgasmic contraction. This is a “kick back and have a hands free orgasm . . . or five” kind of toy. Plus all the wires and electricity make me feel like a mad scientist which is uber hot. SCIENCE!
And a Lube . . .
Wicked Sensual Care: I’m a lube snob. Only paraben free, top of the line stuff for me. I stick with premium brands like Sliquid or Uberlube. Then I discovered Wicked. Vegan, PH balanced, dermatologist approved, etc. They even won an AVN award this year for the Best Lubricant Manufacturer. Whether silicone or water based, they all feel GREAT! I’m so in love with the entire Wicked Sensual Care Collection that I want to marry it.
Sunny Megatron is a pleasure advocate, sex blogger, sexpert, adult sexuality educator and accidental superhero.
Along with her partner, Ken Melvoin-Berg, she is one of the infamous Northwestern Fucksaw Four and is the proud owner of that fucksaw heard around the world.
On any given weekend you can find Sunny hosting Red Light District Sex Tours and bachelorette parties for Weird Chicago Tours. Sunny guest lectures at universities and teaches at public and private venues across the country.
George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”. Never has this been more apropos than in communicating our sexual desires to our partner. Let’s face it, telling your lover that you would like him to kiss you more gently or maybe even spank you a little harder, can be a bit intimidating, to say the least. However, letting your partner know what you want and what you enjoy is part of having a healthy and fulfilling sex life. So unless you want to be pigeonholed into the same kind of sex for the rest of your relationship, take heed fearless frends! Here are a few suggestions to lead your partner in the right direction.
THE DIRECT APPROACH: You might want to begin the conversation by telling him about something you really like that he or she does (or you two do together) sexually and then suggest the new idea. For instance, “I’ve been thinking about how exciting it is when you give me a little swat on my rear during sex” then add, “I think I might like it if you wanted to tug at my hair a bit too”. During sex can also be great time to show your lover what he’s doing that gets your toes curling. A well placed “yes, just like that” or, a simple “I love how you’re moving” will guide them in the right direction. Don’t be shy to express your pleasure. I guarantee this positive reinforcement will not only turn him on but will give him a more specific map of your erogenous zones.
SHOW, DON’T TELL: Certified Sex Educator and author of How To Be A Great Lover, Lou Paget (www.LouPaget.com) suggests you try doing unto your partner what you would have her do unto you. For example, if her kiss could use some improvement, Lou suggests you start by kissing her the way you like to be kissed, perhaps anchoring your hands seductively on her neck so you can guide her in ways that please you, then ask her “show me what it feels like to be kissed by me.” Or, maybe her touch can be too rough? Feel free to take her hand and direct it in the way that pleases you, giving her approving glances as she follows your lead. It goes without saying; your positive reinforcement when she successfully mimics your movements will be all the affirmation she needs to happily continue.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS: Think about it, when you bond with new friends you like to discover what you like to do together. Why should it be any different with your partner? People learn better by doing … so … DO! For instance, if the idea of role-playing gets you going, talking about those fantasies are much easier once you’ve done it. Almost all the couples I’ve spoken with love it when their partner shares taking the lead with sex. Start with something fun and sexy you two can laugh about later. Maybe you have a thing for firemen? Surprise him by dressing up in something red and “hot” and fireman’s hat … put on a fake fireplace DVD and coyly ask “Where’s the fire?” Cheesy? Yes. But cheesy can be fun and nothing relaxes people more than a good-natured laugh. Suggest that next time he might play the fireman and “rescue” you (wink-wink). Voila! You’ve shown him your fantasy and basically had a conversation without having a conversation!
INTIMATE EDUCATION: Maybe your welled-up sexual desires have to do with being more experimental with the sex you two have? Maybe it has to do with creating more intimacy during sex? Ask him to read a book with you that explores your sexuality as a couple. Maybe it’s erotica or maybe it’s instructional … whatever floats your boat. Each night (in bed) you read one or two chapters, discuss it and how it might or might not apply to you and your sex life. This is the perfect occasion to discuss likes, dislikes and even maybe’s. It’s also a great opportunity to get you both talking about what turns you on, your fantasies and some techniques you want to try. Excellent reads to start with are: The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover by David Deida, the aforementioned How To Be A Great Lover by Lou Paget and Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex by Nina Hartley. If erotica is more your thing, there’s a ton to choose from. I have a particular fondness for The Big Book of Orgasms:69 Sexy Stories by Rachel Kramer Bussel (I have a story in it), and anything by Kristina Wright and Anais Nin.
GO LITE: Last but not least, try the lighter version of your desire and see how he/she reacts. If you’re interested in trying a little bondage, holding his hands over his head while you’re on top to see if he likes the feeling of surrender. Maybe whip out the sleep mask before you introduce the idea of a blindfold? If she responds positively you can mention that maybe next time she’d like to feel her hands bound by a something silky? A plush paddle? Handcuffs? Interested in trying Tantra but think he might be intimidated by it’s mystical reputation? What could be more innocuous than breathing? Look up some simple tantric breathing exercises and choose one that works for you (e.g.; The Fire Breath). Suggest that the two of you do this exercise before foreplay to “get in the zone.” Just by easing a simple action into your routine, you might be surprised how happy he will be to oblige … and how eager he’ll be to please.
If your partner is resistant to any of your ideas, let them know that your only hope is that you might make sex between you two more intense, fun and even more intimate. After all, relationships take work and this is the most fun and scintillating type of “work” your relationship will ever have do. Regardless, at the end of the day it’s important to remember that fantasies and exploring your sexual desires are an essential part of a healthy sex life. The more comfortable you are with your own sensuality and sexuality, compliments and translates how you are in the bedroom. Respecting and expressing your partner’s needs in a responsible and loving way build a persons sexual confidence. Never forget that YOU are in charge of your own sexuality and you deserve an exciting, sensual and communicative sex life!
A version of this story originally appeared on www.EvolvedWorld.com.
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