My Secret Luxury: The Lady Cheeky Luxury Sex Toy Recommendations

logoLadyCheeky_pluralI was recently asked by the folks at My Secret Luxury to list a few of my favorite sex toys. I came up with this list and I thought I’d share. But … be sure to check out the other sexperts picks! The MamaSutra, Emerald, Shanna Katz, Cooper Beckett, The Redhead Bedhead, Rori of Between My Sheets and Drs. Steve & Vera Bodansky. I’m thrilled to be in such great company!

The Lady Cheeky recommends…

Jimmyjane FORM 2 Vibrator - I like my vibrator to have at least one stroooonnng setting and this delivers. I’ve traveled all over the country with mine and because it’s made impeccably, the FORM 2 takes a lick’ and keeps on ticking’!

We-Vibe 3 Vibrator - Many toys in one. Use it by yourself alone or with a dildo, use with your partner. The size is perfect for vaginal, g-spot, clitoral or anal stimulation. We-Vibe 3 has a remote AND is 40% stronger than the pervious versions.

Aneros Peridise Anal Set - Fantastic shape for men and women alike who enjoy anal play.

Aneros Evi Kegel Exerciser - I’ve said it before, “EVI is like a barbell for your lady bits.” The EVI is absolutely the BEST kegel exercisers on the market. I’ve actually drive with it in. It’s THAT comfortable.

Yes Butter Lubricant - I love this product because it’s all natural, lasts forever and has multiple uses. It’s my go to lube for sex, dry skin repair, lip balm and to tame flyaway hairs. How many things can you say that about?!?!

Tantus Purr Vibe Dildo - In my opinion, Tantus makes the best dildos around. Not only arew the shapes delicious, their commitment to manufacturing a pristine and safe producy makes me feel confiden about what I’m playing with.

Jimmyjane HELLO TOUCH Vibrator - Um. Wow. Because the vibration is attached to fingers, it makes “vibrator” masturbation more intimate and sensual. I simply love it.

Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit Vibrator - It’s a good size, great strength and…is made well. I’ve had mine for 5 years and it still looks new and works as well as it did when I bought it. Other brands either weren’t strong enough…or had too many bells and whistles and most often weren’t made as well.

Check out MY SECRET LUXURY at http://www.MySecretLuxury.com

 

“LADY CHEEKY’S SEX SATORI” from THE RUMPUS

 

Photo by Gene Reed

Photo by Gene Reed

BY   4/5/13

Orginally appeared on TheRumpus.net  

Tweet sex sites are a many splendored thing, opening doors to fluid identities that are both sexy and risk-free while erecting an emotional firewall to avoid real, personal rejection. My hackles go up whenever I think about technology replacing human touch, but when I met Lady Cheeky and heard her story of seeking and finding passion via tweet sex, I witnessed a brave new world where one woman’s sexuality was accessed in an accelerated way that involved wooing, teasing, and palpable passion.

“Lady Cheeky” is her Anglophile cybersex identity name, where she is a servant/vessel/wench. We met on the floor at Marilyn Friedman’s essay writing workshop, which I signed up for during a dark time. After dozens of agent rejections flooded my inbox for over a year, I longed to sit in a room with other writers again, hoping to inject my writing with joy by learning new literary tricks from veteran journalist, Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Our assignment was to tell the group what our essay was about and then say one more line declaring what our essay was “really” about.

Lady Cheeky’s wavy, Lucille Ball hair matched her bright red lips. Her curves punched out of her ’40s frock, as she told a hilarious topsy-turvy tale about role-playing on a True Blood-themed, Twitter-based direct message and tweet stream, which led her to start her smart and sexy websites where she met “Lord Byron,” hired a P.I. to check another lover out, and divorced her husband. She also overcame a rare sexual disorder; started a popular sensual images blog; began writing and publishing real-life erotica based on her new, passion-filled experiences; is in the process of working on a memoir; has a new story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s upcoming erotica anthology, The Big Book of Orgasm; and is currently speaking about body image and sensuality, as well as integrative sensuality.

Lady Cheeky’s story beneath the story was flesh and bone ache deriving from a phantom limb that was pummeled awake by HBO’s True Blood series. I wanted to know more about how True Blood was the springboard to becoming a sexually actualized woman, capable and deserving of passion.

… To read the rest of the interview, CLICK HERE:logo-sm

Inside Her Sex: Documentary Looking For Subjects

cropped-logo-mast-wordpressnewA couple of months ago I was filmed for an upcoming documentary by Canadian filmmaker, Sheona McDonald that will be released next year. The working title is Inside Her Sex and explores how women’s sexuality is influenced by pornography and technology. It’s a huge subject but she’s interested in keeping it broad for now because the avenues are great and the people she’s  are meeting fantastic.
Sheona is always interested in talking to people who can provide insight on the subject  – authors, filmmakers, educators, activists, explorers, etc. - and is always up for suggestions on things to read and look at.
She is also interested in talking to women who are embarking, or have embarked on a significant journey of sexual discovery (whatever this may be) that they are willing to share. So, if you are interested or might know someone who is, please feel free to pass this request on with her contact info (below).

 

Sheona McDonald

sheona@dimestore.org

www.dimestore.ca

 

Check out their latest film:
www.cbc.ca/whendreamstakeflight

and also …

www.capturingashortlife.com
www.whendreamstakeflight.com

CatalystCon Speaker Spotlight: Lady Cheeky

Photo by Gene Reed

Photo by Gene Reed

Lady Cheeky is presenting Does This Panel Make Me Look Fat?: Body Image and Sexuality. Check out Lady Cheeky’s bio here.

How do you see yourself as a catalyst for change?

I think anyone is a catalyst for change who actively pursues being a part of the discussion about how to change an outmoded ideal. Hopefully, this pursuit never ends but becomes more passionate with each endeavor.

Who or what was a catalyst for you?

My blogs. Being able to express myself, unexpurgated gave me the freedom to make significant changes in my life.

What do you feel are some of the biggest challenges or concerns facing us in the field of sexuality right now?

Getting the meme out to the world that sexuality is as natural as breathing in a way that doesn’t seem preachy or “woo-woo” so that people from all walks of life can understand it.

Read the rest on the CatalystCon Blog

cconE-badge2dGet $10 off registration at CatalystCon East when you use code “LADYCHEEKY” at checkout!

Web: CatalystCon: Sparking Communication in Sexuality, Acceptance and Activism
Twitter: @CatalystCon
Facebook: CatalystCon

 

Big Think Interview With Barry Komisaruk A Conversation with Komisaruk, the Rutgers Psychologist and Author of the Book, “The Orgasm Answer Guide.”

Big Think Interview With Barry Komisaruk
A conversation with Komisaruk, the Rutgers psychologist and author of “The Orgasm Answer Guide.”

Question: Are men and women hard-wired to have the same sexual responses?

Barry Komisaruk: There was an interesting research study by Vance and Wagner that was done in 1975; it was a long time ago, but it was a very interesting study where they asked men and women to describe their orgasms in writing and then they removed all specific references to the genitals, so you couldn’t tell whether it was a man or a women — these were college students describing their orgasms — and then they gave the descriptions. Each one was about a short paragraph of the description of the orgasm. They gave the descriptions to sex therapists and various experts in sexuality, M.D.s, asking, “Can you tell which one is written by a male and which is written by a female?” The upshot of the experiment was that they couldn’t identify accurately whether the description of the orgasm was made by a man or a woman.

So on that basis, my conclusion and their conclusion is that the feelings of orgasm, when you remove the specific reference to the genitals or which difference between the the genitals and the sexes, that the feelings of the orgasm are indistinguishable from each other, between men and women.

Question: Why are some women unable to climax?

Barry Komisaruk: We don’t really know why some women can’t experience orgasms. I started out by some years ago trying to find women who don’t experience orgasms to study them in looking at their brain activity during genital self-stimulation and we identified one women and she — but she before she came to our lab she said she got a new boyfriend and now she’s had her first orgasm. So that did it for that experiment. We’re still looking and it is a very interesting question. We don’t really know. Certainly there are situations in which with peripheral nerve damage or diabetes, these can impede the neural transmission, the sensory nerves.

It’s much rarer in the case of men. McKenzie reported that only a few, two or three, of the men they interviewed out of many hundreds could have orgasms by thought alone, but we have found a substantial number of women who can have orgasms just by thinking. We’ve studied them and are continuing to study them and it’s really very interesting. We measured their heart rate and blood pressure and pain thresholds, which pain thresholds go up during orgasm. In other words, we found that women become much less sensitive to pain during orgasm and also their pupils dilate. All those measures, the heart rate, blood pressure, pain thresholds, and pupil dilations, they are all about doubled during orgasm generated by genital self-stimulation.

What we found is that women – we had ten women in the laboratory who said they could have orgasms just by thought and we measured their physiological responses when they applied genital self-stimulation, actual physical stimulation, and then we compared it with when they said they had orgasms by though alone. The physiological responses were essentially the same. They were indistinguishable. In other words, those women were really having orgasms just by thinking. They had different ideas – we asked them what their thought process was to elicit the orgasm and some said they had erotic imagery, but others said they had pastoral imagery, like walking along the shore on a warm summer day. Other women have a much more abstract image such as imagining the energy moving up and down their body and producing the orgasm. So, there are big individual differences.

Now we’re looking at their brain activity in women who have orgasms by thought alone and we are seeing very great similarities between when they have orgasms by just thinking and orgasms when they do genital self-stimulation.

Question: Is there something psychological going on?

Barry Komisaruk: We’re starting to study men and it’s a very good question, but we don’t really know what the difference is. It seems to be much rarer in men than in women. One of the things we are finding, very new findings, is that when women think of different parts of their body, the thinking about those parts of the body activates the sensory cortex. There’s a map of the body on the sensory cortex. In other words, the fingers are in one place and the toes are represented in another place, the face is represented in another place, the genitals in another place. It’s all systematically laid out, very much like the body plan is laid out on the sensory cortex.

What we’re finding is that when women think about their finger being stimulated, or they think about their toe being stimulated, or they think about their clitoris being stimulated, or their nipple, that the corresponding part of the body, the representation of it in the sensory cortex, of those body parts is actually activated just as if they are really being stimulated physically. I think one of the interesting questions is whether, since women can think their genital systems into actual activity in the brain, can men do the same thing? If they can’t then that might be a way of understanding why women can have orgasms by thought alone. Are the activating their genital sensory representation, which then spreads to other parts of the brain? And can men not do that? We don’t really know. But we have the tools to investigate that.

Question: How is the brain related to female sexual response?

Barry Komisaruk: Well, it’s interesting that you ask that question because we are really dealing with that right now. Since we know that if you think about the clitoris, or think about the G-spot, or think about the cervix that the corresponding part of the brain map for those parts of the body, those become activated. So, one question is whether women who can think themselves to orgasm, do they think their genital activation that the brain representation of the genitalia into activity and does that spread to the other systems that are involved in orgasm, how do they do it? We want to understand how they do it normally and then the question is what if we ask women to think about the genitals more intensively? Or, will they be able to intensify the response in their genital sensory cortex, and will that spread to other parts of the brain, will that facilitate their orgasm? I think it could be very useful in women who say that they don’t experience orgasms; it could be useful in women with spinal cord injury who can’t feel their external genitals. Can they think their brain into greater activation and will that facilitate their orgasm?

That’s a question that we are currently dealing with our brain research. It’s a very important and interesting question and it could be therapeutically useful. One of the techniques that we’ve developed is to have the women in the scanner looking at their own brain activity in near real time. The question is, if we can see our own brain activity in near real time in specific regions, can we voluntarily increase the activity of that part of the brain just by thinking about it, just as we can think about moving our finger and we can move our finger? We can wiggle our finger. We don’t know what we do, we learned to do it as an infant because we got the feedback between what we see and what we do, maybe we can do something with the brain. If we see our own brain activity, maybe we can make a change and maybe that’s going to change the way we feel, or the way we move. So, this is a new technology of near real time brain imaging with unlimited frontiers. We don’t really know how far we can go with that. But it’s a new approach.

Recorded on October 29, 2009 on www.bigthink.com   

“The Orgasm Answer Guide.” by Barry Komisaruk can be purchased on Amazon.com