Jun 232014
 
Book Brevity: Book Reviews in 300 Words or Less

 

 Ernest Greene’s “Master of O” - IBook Brevity: Master of O  by Ernest Greene read a lot of erotica. A lot. I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to the crafting of a delicious sexy story and therefore, I’m very hard to please. In addition, BDSM is admittedly not my oeuvre, and I am usually looking at the ceiling and twirling my hair around my finger when there is any discussion of it, yet after reading the foreword by the author with insight as to his first experience reading the classic “Story of O,” well it had me more than intrigued.

Ernest Greene has spun a tale of instinctive, un-erasable sexual predilections and the lengths to which we will go to gratify its relentless scraping at our deepest id. Greene has re-imagined what was once the definitive story of “master & slave” into something more contemporary, savant, and in my humble opinion, more erotically entertaining and indulgent of the sybaritic senses than the original. Even though the world of BDSM had not been tantalizing to me, I was rapt within the sensual gluttony, so expertly woven within this compelling story, that it became a frequent theme of my sexual fantasies.

If one of the purposes of art (to put it simplistically) is to challenge the viewer an with an experience they wouldn’t normally be privy to, and then perhaps forever affect the way they perceive, even just a little bit, then Ernest Greene has created a work of art, as I am forever changed by the reading of “Master of O.”

I highly recommend the “Master of O” to anyone who is even slightly curious to peek into a world different from their own, as well as anyone who just wants a good, hot, explosively sexy read.

“Master of O” is available on Kindle at Amazon.com

 

BDSM Resources

Kink.com

SocietyofJanus.org

BDSM for Dummies Website

Sexuality.org

DominantGuide.com

Coming Out Kinky (Blog)

 

Books:

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Roleplay and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex by Nina Hartley

Jun 142014
 
20140516123531-5biggertextNObugs_nobackground

Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously!
Hanne Blank Believes That Your Body is Already Your Best Body Ever

BY ELLE CHASE – I don’t personally know Hanne Blank, but yet this scholar and author happens to be my body image guru/super-hero. Hanne, a doyenne of the Body Acceptance Movement, and has written two books on the subjectBig, Big, Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them), The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise, And Other Incendiary Acts, as well as many books of erotica.

“A survey of college students found that they would prefer
to MARRY 
an EMBEZZELER, DRUG USER, SHOPLIFTER,
or a BLIND person than someone who is FAT”¹

I have done a lot of research for my workshops, lectures, panels and talks on body acceptance, and the dearth of material that supports a positive, loving, non-shaming and totally realistic philosophy dealing with one’s body image is surprising and Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously!disappointing. Hanne Blank is the only writer on body image whose book I was not only easily able to find online, but I also found almost always in stock in brick and mortar chain bookstores like Barnes & Noble. What does this mean? This means that her books are popular enough to stock and re-order.

I think her next book,  52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever will be as popular as her other two, if not more. As a woman of size, having read her previous books on body image, I believe it’s essential to proliferate Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously!more respectful, intelligent, useful and supportive literature on body-image out there in the world.

In one woman’s informal experiment, it was estimated she was exposed to; 386, 170 negative messages about her body each year (and that’s without watching commercial TV). In fact, one study reports that women alone see 400-600 advertising images about physical appearance a day and, as stated by ‘Body Image and Advertising’ ³

“… by the time she is 17 years old, she has received over 250,000 commercial messages through the media. Only 9% of commercials have a direct statement about beauty, but many more implicitly emphasize the importance of beauty–particularly those that target women and girls. One study of Saturday morning toy commercials found that 50% of commercials aimed at girls spoke about physical attractiveness, while none of the commercials aimed at boys referred to appearance. Other studies found 50% of advertisements in teen girl magazines and 56% of television commercials aimed at female viewers used beauty as a product appeal. This constant exposure to female-oriented advertisements may influence girls to become self-conscious about their bodies and to obsess over their physical appearance as a measure of their worth.

The diet industry earns an estimated $40 billion dollars a year on our collective backs, hammering home that if we don’t look a certain way we are less desirable. For those of us affected by self-loathing, the negative messages we receive daily about our bodies every day from advertising alone feels like a losing battle to fight. In fact, it’s been reported, that;

“In America, overweight women suffer the preponderance of weight-based discrimination. They are not viewed as “normal human being[s] with normal needs, desires, virtues and vices” ² 

That’s not to say that men escape the mission creep self-hatred. In 2006, researchers for the University of San Francisco found that when college age men watched more than the average amount of TV and played more than the average amount of video games, they found those particular men were uncomfortable with at least one aspect of their body, which they directly correlated with having a less satisfactory sex life.

As I mentioned earlier, Hanne Blank is working on her latest book:  52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever! This is NOT a diet book. This is a book about accepting your body where it is at the moment and loving yourself NOW. Hanne Blank is raising money to fund this book project and there are only 4 DAYS LEFT with a little less than $400 to go to meet her goal. Donating to help get this book finished and in the marketplace is one of the most generous and life affirming, sex-positive, self loving acts you can perform, to encourage not just people of size, but ANYONE with a perceived body image issue they want to conquer.For me, Big, Big, Love serves as a virtual splash-of -cold-water on my face when I notice the negative self-talk nudge it’s way between the neutral and the positive, and I start to feel less worthy. NO ONE should ever feel that their worth is diminished, especially for their outward appearance. Hanne’s new book would make a huge difference to any person who is overwhelmed with self-hate, desperately looking for a book to help assuage his/her loathing. Imagine the feeling of relief someone might have (like I did) when they find this book online or on the bookshelves.

If I were fortunate enough to have the income to get Hanne Blank to her goal, I would do it without a second thought. However, because I’m not able to give financially (yet), I am asking the long-time or casual readers of this blog to donate  (if they have the capacity) whatever their budgets will allow, to help bring a book to marketplace. In a sea of “Bikini Body Workout Plan” (Seventeen) magazines and “The (insert trendy word here) Diet” books, don’t you think everyone could benefit from something to read that actually shows us that we are valuable human beings?

I’ve posted the video explanation for the IndieGoGo campaign below, but I really hope you click on the IndieGoGo site to read the full description and see how awesome this book will be. I hope you feel as grateful as I do, to have the opportunity to have a hand in bringing this book to those who need it.

To donate to the IndieGoGo campaign for

Hanne Blank’s 52 Weeks to Your Best Body Ever!

Click below:

Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously!

 You can learn more about Hanne Blank and buy her books at: www.HanneBlank.com

Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously! Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously! Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously! Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously! Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously! Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously! Hanne Blank says, You have a fantastic body. Seriously!

 

 

 

Glossary:

 ¹ Maine, M. (2000) Body Wars: Making Peace With Women’s Bodies, Carlsbad: Gurze Books.

² Goodman, W. (1995) The Invisible Woman: Confronting Weight Prejudice in America, Carlsbad: Gurze Books.

³ Source: Body Image and Advertising . 2000. Issue Briefs. Studio City, Calif.: Mediascope Press. Last revision was April 25, 2000.

Nov 202013
 
Bedded Bliss copy
MEETING KRISTINA WRIGHT
by Lady Cheeky

I met Kristina Wright in Washington DC last year when we were both reading stories at Rachel Kramer-Bussel’s special one-night only, In the Flesh Reading Series of erotica evening at CatalystCon East. We met in a common way one meets others at a convention …  walking through the convention hall on the way to the elevator after a session. She looked familiar so I smiled, hoping I looked familiar too and she could remind me where we met. She smiled back, looked at my badge and said “Lady Cheeky? I follow you.” Ever since Twitter became a “thing”  the phrase “I follow you” has become the modern version of complimentary social recognition. I looked at her badge and recognized her name, not as the prolific writer and anthologist that she is known as, but as someone which whom I had shared fun tweets in the past. I knew I liked her online and now meeting her in person, with her easy smile and warm poise, I liked her even more.

We struck up a conversation consisting mainly of repartee and conference chit-chat.  I learned that she was a writer (“I’m a writer too!”) and that she was reading a story at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s  In the Flesh Reading Series event that evening (“I’m reading at In the Flesh too!”) and I thanked the Goddesses above that I had someone cool to sit next to. Truth be told, I was terrified to be reading my story in front of people. I had impulsively volunteered to be a reader that day, intentionally too fast to let my fear dictate my decision. My story was true and still a little raw as I was supposed to meet the subject of my lust (and love) on this particular trip, but we had broken it off for the final time 3 days before. Now I was going to read an emotional, sexually explicit story to a roomful of erotic literary legends … not the least of which I had just unknowingly met in the elevator mentally assigning her as my “social anxiety buddy.” Poor Kristina didn’t know what she was in for.

That evening I entered the assigned ballroom and grabbed a seat. Kristina walked in shortly after and before I could commandeer her to sit next to me, she was already putting her jacket on the seat to my right.  We chit-chatted and I told her a bit about my fears of reading, being a newbie in this sea of cultivated wonders, of hoping my voice didn’t shake or I didn’t profusely sweat, cry or vomit enough as to be distracting. She laughed with me and comforted me … acknowledged her own uneasiness with reading and convinced me I would be fine and more importantly, safe.

The evening began as Rachel Kramer Bussel (a literary giant in her own right) introduced the authors and highly respected sex educators; Reid MihalkoJoan Price, Carol QueenEmerald … and then Kristina Wright. When Rachel read Kristina’sbio I was stunned. Only then did I realize I was basically sitting next to the Joyce Carol Oates of erotica.  Prolific, awarded, published in over 80 anthologies and the editor of countless others, it was clear Kristina was particularly respected and revered and as she read her story it was clear why. Kristina’s writing style is restrained enough to be classic and yet detailed enough to be captivating. For a writer of any genre, one needs to self edit, constantly making certain that every word earns its way in. This is a painstaking task and a part of writing that often discourages and separates the wheat from the chaff. This is especially true (in my humble opinion) of good erotica and romance writing as that category seems to sit at the children’s table of the literary world.

Erotica and romance writers need to be that much better, so as not to cement a stereotype of erotica as salacious pulp fiction. In erotic romance you not only have to be a good writer, adhering to all the rules of fiction writing standards for any genre, but you have to heighten it with explicit scenes of passion, desire, sensuality while keeping it real enough to relate to. Within this construct, a talented erotic romance writer must create dramatic concupiscent relationships that are at once believable AND thrilling AND hot. Kristina Wright does this in spades, weaving a story so simple, yet so occupied with genuine tactile emotion and texture, that even in a short story you come away with the unforgettable feeling you tangibly witnessed a personal moment in someone’s life.

Since that evening I have been a fan of Kristina Wright not only as a person but as a talent. And though we only spent that little time together and have since kept in touch on Facebook, I do consider her a friend. So it is with great pleasure that I participate in this blog tour for her latest anthology as editor,  Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After. Kristina has chosen riveting stories by talented authors with the surprising and refreshing theme of “hot monogamy.” Interwoven with tips and tricks to keep any partnership fresh and fevered, this is a unique compilation to say the least. I’m proud to be able to share with you an EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT from Bedded Bliss  (below) by Anya Richards.

            ***
Made To Last
By Anya Richards

The year from Hell stretched to two, and everything thatcould go wrong did.
For my husband and me sex wasn’t the answer, but it sure went a long way toward
helping us reconnect,remember what’s important and release some of thepent-up stress.
With a reaffirmation of the bonds we share,we were once more ready to face the world, together. 

It’s one o’clock in the morning, and I’m wide-awake. This isn’t anything new, unfortunately. Recently sleep has become an elusive, craved and yet frightening concept. It sometimes provides relief, sometimes makes things worse, as problems follow me into dreamland and continue their unrelenting torture.

Beside me, my husband sighs and rolls onto his side. From the tenor of his breathing I know he’s dead to the world, and annoyance flashes through me.How can he sleep so soundly, night after night, while I lie awake, my brain unable to shutdown long enough for me to nod off? But I know I’m not alone with my fears. All the signs of stress are there in him too. Just this evening I looked across the living room and caught him staring out the window, eyes unfocused, fingers tapping asharp, staccato rhythm on the arm of his chair. He’s usually calm, almost serene, just the type of man a high-voltage woman like me needs. He’s my anchor, the voice of reason when I’m tempted to go off the deep end. It hurts to see him obviously restless, with worry etching new lines into his beloved, beautiful face. Staring up into the darkness, I start cataloging our problems,the relentless cycle starting anew. Instantly the muscles in my neck tighten and my stomach knots. I try to think of something else—concentrate on the plot of my latest book—but within minutes I’ve somehow circled back to reality. Sometimes I think I’d feel better ifI could just cry, let it out, but that’s not my way. Tears have always been something to avoid, repress, fight. They’re a weakness I can’tallow myself. If I start I might not be able to stop, and that thought scares me more than any other. For me, that heralds the onset of madness.

As though sensing my terror, my husband moves closer, his arm settling across my stomach. That simple touch, the sensation of his warmth so close, brings a sob close to the surface and I’m forced to swallow it down. I don’t feel as though I deserve his affection right now. I have a sneaky suspicion the blame for our current problems rests squarely on my shoulders. Yet, it feels so good having him beside me. Instead of moving away I roll onto my side, facing away from him, and spoon closer.

READ THE REST (AND EVEN MORE HOT MONOGAMY EROTICA) IN
BEDDED BLISS: A COUPLE’S GUIDE TO LUST EVER AFTER

41o4oPDrMNL._SY344_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_

ABOUT BEDDED BLISS: A COUPLE’S GUIDE TO LUST EVER AFTER:

It’s fairly easy to fall in love (or lust), but keeping that passion hot and heavy after twenty years of marriage can get tricky. Kristina Wright has two toddlers and a red-hot marriage, and there’s no one better suited to helping other couples make lust last. Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After pairs hands-on advice for long-term lovers with steamy tales to inspire couples to enact their own erotic adventures. Each chapter begins with “sensual suggestions” for keeping in touch—literally! Read real advice and stories from couples, who have a combined total of a whopping 235 years of long-term relationship experience, and find out what works for them to keep their fires burning steady and hot.  Romance writer and editor Wright re-invents the sexuality genre, presenting a guide that simultaneously educates and entertains. Bedded Bliss is a treasure trove of resources for couples to ensure that monogamy will never again mean monotony.

 

779b779a67a20ad8986ce9.L._V153445420_SL290_

Kristina Wright (kristinawright.com) is an award-winning author whose erotic romance fictionhas appeared in over seventy-five anthologies. She is also the editor of several Cleis Press anthologies of romance, including BestErotic Romance 2013 and Duty and Desire: Military Erotic Romance. Kristina teaches both English and Humanities at the college level. She lives with her family in Chesapeake, VA.
images
120x240Lips15
Nov 202013
 
Bedded Bliss copy
MEETING KRISTINA WRIGHT
by Lady Cheeky

I met Kristina Wright in Washington DC last year when we were both reading stories at Rachel Kramer-Bussel’s special one-night only, In the Flesh Reading Series of erotica evening at CatalystCon East. We met in a common way one meets others at a convention …  walking through the convention hall on the way to the elevator after a session. She looked familiar so I smiled, hoping I looked familiar too and she could remind me where we met. She smiled back, looked at my badge and said “Lady Cheeky? I follow you.” Ever since Twitter became a “thing”  the phrase “I follow you” has become the modern version of complimentary social recognition. I looked at her badge and recognized her name, not as the prolific writer and anthologist that she is known as, but as someone which whom I had shared fun tweets in the past. I knew I liked her online and now meeting her in person, with her easy smile and warm poise, I liked her even more.

We struck up a conversation consisting mainly of repartee and conference chit-chat.  I learned that she was a writer (“I’m a writer too!”) and that she was reading a story at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s  In the Flesh Reading Series event that evening (“I’m reading at In the Flesh too!”) and I thanked the Goddesses above that I had someone cool to sit next to. Truth be told, I was terrified to be reading my story in front of people. I had impulsively volunteered to be a reader that day, intentionally too fast to let my fear dictate my decision. My story was true and still a little raw as I was supposed to meet the subject of my lust (and love) on this particular trip, but we had broken it off for the final time 3 days before. Now I was going to read an emotional, sexually explicit story to a roomful of erotic literary legends … not the least of which I had just unknowingly met in the elevator mentally assigning her as my “social anxiety buddy.” Poor Kristina didn’t know what she was in for.

That evening I entered the assigned ballroom and grabbed a seat. Kristina walked in shortly after and before I could commandeer her to sit next to me, she was already putting her jacket on the seat to my right.  We chit-chatted and I told her a bit about my fears of reading, being a newbie in this sea of cultivated wonders, of hoping my voice didn’t shake or I didn’t profusely sweat, cry or vomit enough as to be distracting. She laughed with me and comforted me … acknowledged her own uneasiness with reading and convinced me I would be fine and more importantly, safe.

The evening began as Rachel Kramer Bussel (a literary giant in her own right) introduced the authors and highly respected sex educators; Reid MihalkoJoan Price, Carol QueenEmerald … and then Kristina Wright. When Rachel read Kristina’sbio I was stunned. Only then did I realize I was basically sitting next to the Joyce Carol Oates of erotica.  Prolific, awarded, published in over 80 anthologies and the editor of countless others, it was clear Kristina was particularly respected and revered and as she read her story it was clear why. Kristina’s writing style is restrained enough to be classic and yet detailed enough to be captivating. For a writer of any genre, one needs to self edit, constantly making certain that every word earns its way in. This is a painstaking task and a part of writing that often discourages and separates the wheat from the chaff. This is especially true (in my humble opinion) of good erotica and romance writing as that category seems to sit at the children’s table of the literary world.

Erotica and romance writers need to be that much better, so as not to cement a stereotype of erotica as salacious pulp fiction. In erotic romance you not only have to be a good writer, adhering to all the rules of fiction writing standards for any genre, but you have to heighten it with explicit scenes of passion, desire, sensuality while keeping it real enough to relate to. Within this construct, a talented erotic romance writer must create dramatic concupiscent relationships that are at once believable AND thrilling AND hot. Kristina Wright does this in spades, weaving a story so simple, yet so occupied with genuine tactile emotion and texture, that even in a short story you come away with the unforgettable feeling you tangibly witnessed a personal moment in someone’s life.

Since that evening I have been a fan of Kristina Wright not only as a person but as a talent. And though we only spent that little time together and have since kept in touch on Facebook, I do consider her a friend. So it is with great pleasure that I participate in this blog tour for her latest anthology as editor,  Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After. Kristina has chosen riveting stories by talented authors with the surprising and refreshing theme of “hot monogamy.” Interwoven with tips and tricks to keep any partnership fresh and fevered, this is a unique compilation to say the least. I’m proud to be able to share with you an EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT from Bedded Bliss  (below) by Anya Richards.

            ***
Made To Last
By Anya Richards

The year from Hell stretched to two, and everything thatcould go wrong did.
For my husband and me sex wasn’t the answer, but it sure went a long way toward
helping us reconnect,remember what’s important and release some of thepent-up stress.
With a reaffirmation of the bonds we share,we were once more ready to face the world, together. 

It’s one o’clock in the morning, and I’m wide-awake. This isn’t anything new, unfortunately. Recently sleep has become an elusive, craved and yet frightening concept. It sometimes provides relief, sometimes makes things worse, as problems follow me into dreamland and continue their unrelenting torture.

Beside me, my husband sighs and rolls onto his side. From the tenor of his breathing I know he’s dead to the world, and annoyance flashes through me.How can he sleep so soundly, night after night, while I lie awake, my brain unable to shutdown long enough for me to nod off? But I know I’m not alone with my fears. All the signs of stress are there in him too. Just this evening I looked across the living room and caught him staring out the window, eyes unfocused, fingers tapping asharp, staccato rhythm on the arm of his chair. He’s usually calm, almost serene, just the type of man a high-voltage woman like me needs. He’s my anchor, the voice of reason when I’m tempted to go off the deep end. It hurts to see him obviously restless, with worry etching new lines into his beloved, beautiful face. Staring up into the darkness, I start cataloging our problems,the relentless cycle starting anew. Instantly the muscles in my neck tighten and my stomach knots. I try to think of something else—concentrate on the plot of my latest book—but within minutes I’ve somehow circled back to reality. Sometimes I think I’d feel better ifI could just cry, let it out, but that’s not my way. Tears have always been something to avoid, repress, fight. They’re a weakness I can’tallow myself. If I start I might not be able to stop, and that thought scares me more than any other. For me, that heralds the onset of madness.

As though sensing my terror, my husband moves closer, his arm settling across my stomach. That simple touch, the sensation of his warmth so close, brings a sob close to the surface and I’m forced to swallow it down. I don’t feel as though I deserve his affection right now. I have a sneaky suspicion the blame for our current problems rests squarely on my shoulders. Yet, it feels so good having him beside me. Instead of moving away I roll onto my side, facing away from him, and spoon closer.

READ THE REST (AND EVEN MORE HOT MONOGAMY EROTICA) IN
BEDDED BLISS: A COUPLE’S GUIDE TO LUST EVER AFTER

41o4oPDrMNL._SY344_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_

ABOUT BEDDED BLISS: A COUPLE’S GUIDE TO LUST EVER AFTER:

It’s fairly easy to fall in love (or lust), but keeping that passion hot and heavy after twenty years of marriage can get tricky. Kristina Wright has two toddlers and a red-hot marriage, and there’s no one better suited to helping other couples make lust last. Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After pairs hands-on advice for long-term lovers with steamy tales to inspire couples to enact their own erotic adventures. Each chapter begins with “sensual suggestions” for keeping in touch—literally! Read real advice and stories from couples, who have a combined total of a whopping 235 years of long-term relationship experience, and find out what works for them to keep their fires burning steady and hot.  Romance writer and editor Wright re-invents the sexuality genre, presenting a guide that simultaneously educates and entertains. Bedded Bliss is a treasure trove of resources for couples to ensure that monogamy will never again mean monotony.

 

779b779a67a20ad8986ce9.L._V153445420_SL290_

Kristina Wright (kristinawright.com) is an award-winning author whose erotic romance fictionhas appeared in over seventy-five anthologies. She is also the editor of several Cleis Press anthologies of romance, including BestErotic Romance 2013 and Duty and Desire: Military Erotic Romance. Kristina teaches both English and Humanities at the college level. She lives with her family in Chesapeake, VA.
Nov 122013
 
Rachel Kramer Bussel shows of her latest anthology, The Big Book of Orgasms.

What do cupcakes, Hello Kitty and sex have in common? The answer is best- selling erotica writer, editor and anthologist Rachel Kramer Bussel. Aside from being a talented and accomplished erotica writer in her own right, one is immediately attracted to her girly sense of whimsy, fawning over cupcakes and Hello Kitty anything, to her keen sense of the carnal and concupiscent. It’s this sexy and charming juxtaposition that makes Rachel  and her work so alluring.

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WIN a copy of The Big Book of Orgasms from Cleis press!
CLICK THE BOOK ABOVE!

Her latest (and some say greatest) anthology The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories (available in paperback and Kindle from Cleis Press) was just released this month. Not even half way through November and The Big Book of Orgasms has already  been able to glean enthusiastic reviews from readers and reviewers alike. This accomplishment has made me extra enthusiastic because I am lucky enough to have written one of those 69 Sexy Stories. You can read an excerpt from my true tale HERE. Perhaps the best part of this new anthology is it’s bite size portions of scream worthy stories (no more than 1200 words each) that make your entire body pulsate and sing.

There are some super-stars of erotica between those covers including: Emerald, Tess Danesi, Stella Harris and Rachel Kramer Bussel herself as well as some newbies (like myself). The Big Book of Orgasms is 351 pages tightly packed into a snug 7″ x 5″ paperback package you can carry in your pocketbook, perhaps fodder for 69 of your own sexy orgasms.

I asked Rachel to give me a list of her five favorite sex toys and a lube. Since one of her favorite sex toys IS lube, I decided to leave it at that. It’s an eclectic and sexy mix. Would you expect anything else from the Empress of Erotica?

RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL’S FIVE FAVORITE SEX TOYS:

Hitachi Magic Wand – my favorite, must have, go to vibrator. I use it to get off and to relax and also sometimes for back pain.

Tantus Pelt Paddle – though really all their silicon paddles pack a wonderful punch. I can’t take them all the time but when I get spanked with them it’s a special treat.

Crave Droplet Necklace – I love anything that I can multitask with, and this necklace is beautiful, makes me feel a little naughty when I wear it since I know I’m wearing something that can vibrate, and makes me feel like I can whip it off at any time and put it to good use. I also like that it’s small but strong.

Juliette Cuffs de Luxe – I’m a sucker for silk, and these feel and look amazing.

BabeLube by Babeland Lube! Last but not least, lube is the sex toy I use the most often and for the most variety of sexual activities. Main one I use is BabeLube, I’m not tied to it but like the pump bottle.

 WIN A COPY OF THE BIG BOOK OF ORGASM FROM

SMUT FOR SMARTIES AND CLEIS PRESS!

ENTER HERE!!!!

 

magic-wand

Hitachi Magic Wand

PELT-PADDLE

Tantus Pelt Paddle

Droplet_necklace

CRAVE Droplet Necklace

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Juliette Cuffs De Luxe

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BabeLube

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rachel Kramer Bussel:

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York-based author, editor, blogger and event organizer. She has written for numerous publications, including Alternative Press, CNN.com, The Daily Beast, The Frisky, Gothamist, The Hairpin, Huffington Post, Inked, Jezebel, Lemondrop, Mediabistro, The Nervous Breakdown, New York Post, New York Observer, New York Press, Playgirl, The Root, Salon, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York, The Village Voice, xoJane and Zink. She has edited 40+ anthologies for Alyson Books, Avon Red, Cleis Press, Pretty Things Press, Ravenous Romance and Seal Press, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, Suite Encounters: Hotel Sex Stories, Going Down, Irresistible, Women in Lust, Orgasmic, Fast Girls, Passion, Obsessed, Bottoms Up, Spanked, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, Gotta Have It, The Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and 2012, Best Sex Writing 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2012, and 6 of her anthologies have won Gold IPPY (Independent Publisher) Awards for Erotica and Sexuality/Relationships. She has contributed to over 100 anthologies, including Susie Bright’s Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006 and X: The Erotic Treasury, as well as The Sexual State of the Union and Yes Means Yes.

Rachel conducts reading and erotic writing workshops worldwide, and including Chicago, Las Vegas, London, Minneapolis, New York, Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Toronto. She has presented, spoken and taught at conferences including Dark Odyssey, Erotic Authors Association, Sex 2.0, and SXSW. For five years, she hosted In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series in New York City, which featured 300 readers, including Kevin Allison, Jonathan Ames, Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Kerry Cohen, Jessica Cutler, Mike Daisey, Mike Edison, Stephen Elliott, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, HoneyB (Mary Morrison), Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Diana Joseph, Jillian Lauren, Neal Medlyn, Scott Poulson-Bryant, Julie Powell, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, M.J. Rose, Susan Shapiro, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Jo Weldon, Susan Wright, and Zane, among others. Rachel holds a bachelor’s degree in political science and women’s studies from the University of California at Berkeley.

 

Sep 182013
 
41GI6v4esPL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_SX342_SY445_CR,0,0,342,445_SH20_OU02_

“Love Me Tender”

by JT Leroy

I think about you taking me somewhere else. Somewhere were you can tie me up and hang me. I think about getting in your car and driving somewhere. I know we are going some place where you can really punish me. I think about us driving there and feeling like nobody else knows. Folks might just think we’re just friends or Father and son. And while we’re in the car driving we can be any of those things. And I kind of don’t want that to end. I think about getting there and you telling me to take off my clothes. You hardly talk to me. I just know we’re going to go further. You have a bag filled with things. There is a hook and pulleys and I know some of what is coming.

You tell me how I am here only to satisfy you. You tie my hands, tie my feet to a leg spreader. You attach me hands to the hook above me. You put a blindfold on me and a gag. You hoist me into the air.

I am hanging naked, swinging.

I dream of you cutting me, finely with a razor. I dream of you burning me with your cigarette. I’ve watched you drag on so many times. I would like to be hanging there while you smoke, and watch you slowly bring the lit end closer and closer to my flesh. I dream of you whipping me till your arms are tired. This isn’t just something I think sounds good and I couldn’t do or take. I’ve done stuff like this all before. Pushed it really far. The difference is, they never hold me after. They do not care. They didn’t know me, know me emotionally, the way you do. I dream of you hitting me with your hand and fist. I think of you telling me how you need to punish me, discipline me. I think of you letting me know that while I’m visiting you, I can be punished at any time. We could be standing, cooking food and you could suddenly backhand my face. I won’t know when it is coming.

It can all be very gentle and loving. Just like a dream.

 

41GI6v4esPL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_SX342_SY445_CR,0,0,342,445_SH20_OU02_Best Fetish Erotica Edited by Cara Bruce can be won by signing up for the Smut For Smarties Email List!

 

Best Fetish Erotica Edited by Cara Bruce

 Get your kink on.

A stunning array of top writers on the subject of sex get their kink on in Best Fetish Erotica. These explicit stories of obsessive desire unlock the door to the world of erotic fetishes, from Susie Bright’s encounter with a sleazy furry in “Selfish Fetish,” to Jerry Stahl’s confessional “Girdle Boy,” to Alison Tyler’s fascination with knives in “Blades” (which gives new meaning to the term “edge play”), and the nonstop provocation of “Man and Woman: A Study in Black and White” by Rachel Resnick.

Those who have a fetish find sexual energy in places that others miss—and in Best Fetish Erotica, editor Cara Bruce unspools the tantalizing attractions of spanking, corsets, rubber, crossdressing, spike heels, cigarette smoke, fast cars, money, and much more.

“A collection of heady, smart and edgy stories that open the door to the world of erotic fetishes. Twenty expert authors delve into fetishes that range from the commonplace to the lurid, and serve up stories that combine literary craftsmanship with explicit sex—with a twist, of course.” —Good Vibrations

“Cara Bruce is San Francisco’s hippest young erotica writer.” —San Francisco Examiner

“Cara Bruce’s writing is as good as it gets.” —PlayboyTV

CARA BRUCE is the editor of several erotic anthologies including Best Bisexual Women’s Erotica, Viscera: An Anthology of Bizarre Erotica, and Horny? San Francisco and is the publisher ofEmbraces: Dark Erotica. Her short stories have been published in numerous anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2001, The Unmade Bed, The Oy of Sex, and Best Lesbian Erotica 2000.

 

CLEIS PRESS publishes provocative, intelligent books across genres. Whether literary fiction, human rights, mystery, romance, erotica, LGBTQ studies, sex guides, pulp fiction, or memoir, you know that if it’s outside the ordinary, it’s Cleis Press. Read an interview with Cleis Press founders Felice Newman and Frédérique Delacoste, and check out this Bay Area Reporter article on our new Publisher, Brenda Knight!

 

Jun 142013
 
Travel photography Netherlands North Holland sex and prostitution in Amsterdam

masturbation-featureWhen I finally discovered my sensuality at age 40, I couldn’t stop masturbating. I touched myself morning, noon and night. In front of the TV, while I was on the phone, laying in bed next to my (soon to be ex) husband. I even did it while waiting in an interminable line in the drive-thru for In-n-Out Burger. I couldn’t be stopped. The fortuitous  day I discovered I had a sex drive, and it needed to be taken out of the garage, was the beginning of a beautiful, intimate and HOT relationship with myself. In the past when I pleasured myself I had always used my fingers and exclusively on my clit. But this new “discovery” had rendered my fingers and right arm tired and sore, so I decided a branching out into the world of vibrators was in store.

Here I was, 40 years old and living in the big city of Los Angeles and I had never been to a sex shop for anything other than a laugh (“Omigod! They had a giant rubber fist!”). But now I was horny with a right arm that nearly needed a sling and something had to be done… and QUICK. My sister-in-law had spoken about her “rabbit” and how it was her only outlet for orgasm since she purchased it. Done. “A rabbit it is!” I thought, and I toddled off to the famous Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood.

I-RABBITThe Pleasure Chest had a stellar reputation for having voluminous product as well as being more educational than just your average brick and mortar sex toy store. And since I needed more than ‘penis pasta’ as a gag gift for a bridesmaid I thought this was the perfect choice … and I was right. That day, with the sage help from The Pleasure Chest employee, I came home with the Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit, and I couldn’t have been more pleased.

Since then, I’ve discovered how important it is to uncover new ways to pleasure myself. If I had been satisfied with using my trusty fingers the rest of my life, I wouldn’t have experienced the tantalizing orgasms that the rabbit brought me. In case you find yourself in a similar situation, I thought I would lend a … (echem) … “hand” and give you some pointers. Here are some of my tips to get to know your body a bit better and some types of toys that showed me different ways to cum.

TOUCH:  First of all, I highly encourage women everywhere to touch, caress and fondle themselves. Your body craves touch and if you’re not getting it anywhere else, you need to provide it. Even if you are getting it somewhere else, exploring your body is essential to knowing your sexual and sensual self.

Start by dragging your fingers slowly over your shoulders like you’re hugging yourself. Give yourself that comforting feeling while you pay attention to how your skin reacts. Touch your hips, your stomach, your nipples, your neck your thighs … take note of what areas are more sensitive than others and explore those a little more. I highly promote spending a lot of time on those areas of your body that you feel negatively about. We ALL have them and owning their shapes and curves … making those parts feel loved and not shamed is part of a necessary regimen for owning your body in all it’s uniqueness and beauty.

SEX TOY 101: BASICS:  Whether it’s a vibrator, a dildo or a vibrating dildo there areTravel photography Netherlands North Holland sex and prostitution in Amsterdam many choices out there. If you have no idea what you think you’ll like, ask a trusted friend or do what I did and go to a local, brick and mortar, sex-positive, sex toy shop and ask one of the staff (see some of my favorites around the country below, or click here >> The Redhead Bedhead’s comprehensive list ). These local shop employees are often well-trained, not just in what their store carries but they are usually sex educators in their own right and also happen to know what their customers tend to like and recommend.

If it’s your first time buying a sex toy, start with something that has the potential to become your “go to toy,” a toy that will never fail in your time of need, a trusty swain that will always come when called and never leave you high and dry (ok, enough with the puns). Always make certain your toy is ‘phalate-free‘ (phalates are a harmful chemical sometimes used in the production of “jelly like” sex toys) and always, always, always buy some lube.

3579-a-pjur-toy-lubeUsing a sex toy without lube, is like riding a horse without a saddle … painful, bumpy and you’re invariably sore the next day. Check with the salesperson about what lube is recommended with the toy you’re purchasing and get a nice big bottle. Personally, I like Pjur Toy Lube or my handy jar of The Butter.

SEX TOY 202: EXPERIMENTATION:  One of my favorite axioms is “how do you know what you like if you don’t know what you don’t like?” This idea always frees me up to try new and unique toys that I might never consider. Take the WeVibe3 for instance. It’s essentially marketed as a couples toy, and while I was between lovers when I bought it, I thought I might see how it worked on me … solo. I was glad I did. I manipulated that toy in so many different ways I thought I would break it. Thank God, I couldn’t destroy that thing if I tried. The motor was STRONG and was fantastic for clitoral orgasms. I tried it inside of me, in my ass, inside of me AND in my ass at the same time … soon it became one of my favorite toys to get off. Had I not be open to trying something new, I never would have purchased it.

126762443_power-bullet-g-wisteria---g-spot-vibrator-color-lavenderI even discovered my g-spot using a sex toy! Using an angled vibrating device called The Slimline and a vibrating bullet on my clit, I was able to orgasm in a way that was completely new and joyously different than anything I had felt before. This was the most intense orgasm I’ve felt to date and all because I ventured past what I would normally would have in buying a sex toy.

B455

The same goes for the vibrating butt plug. Butt plugs TERRIFIED me, but I knew that when I was with a lover and he massaged my anus and sometimes slipped a finger in during sex, it drove me over the edge. I took a deep breath and took the … uh … plunge. Because I felt the fear and did it anyway, I have experiencedincredible and unique orgasms I never would have had on my own. In fact, because I got comfortable with anal penetration by myself first, I felt more comfortable trying it when I did have a partner. My new partner found it sexy. I found it pleasurable. We had a GREAT time. Everybody wins!

SEX TOY 303: EVERYDAY ITEMS AND MORE:  I’ve also explored using things you might not consider “toys,” like hot tub jets, water from a garden hose and my partner’s thigh to name a few, all in an effort to discover different ways to cum and different methods to do it.

If you are still unsure or embarrassed or just feel like you don’t know where to turn there are plenty of ways you can become familiar with masturbation without leaving the comfort of your own home.

BOOKS:  I really found Sherri Winston’s Women’s Anatomy of Arousal Unknownand Betty Dodson’s Sex For One: The Joy of Selfloving to be extremely helpful and inspirational. If you have any shame attached to pleasuring yourself these books gently guide through the process like a good friend. If you are an experienced masturbator, these books might guide you in different pleasurable directions.

DVD/INTERNET: I recently was sent the whole set of Unknown-2jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex on DVD. I was very pleased to see one of the topics was Female Masturbation. It’s explicit, educational and HOT! There are also a couple of sites I recommend of real people (not actors) masturbating which shows you how everyone is different and pleasures themselves in different ways. Dodson and Ross (a more clinical approach) and I Feel Myself and Beautiful Agony, both of which show amateur/real women getting off. The last two are artfully and simply shot and erotic to watch.

At the end of the day it’s up to you to discover your pleasure zones and what does and doesn’t turn you on. Masturbation is, as Woody Allen put it “sex with someone you love,” but it’s also a gateway to adventure with your current or future partner. Our bodies were built to experience sexual pleasure. Now that you have the tools, why not see how much pleasure you can find in your body!

Sex-Positive, Brick & Mortar Sex Toy Shops Around the Country:

  1. The Pleasure Chest  - Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Chicago, New York
  2. The Stockroom - Los Angeles
  3. Good Vibrations – San Francisco & Boston
  4. The Smitten Kitten – Minneapolis
  5. Babeland – Seattle & New York City
  6. SheBop – Portland

And a super shout out and wet kiss with tongue to the website She-Vibe, who continuously provides not only a fantastic selection of toys but great illustrations as well!

For more, check out The Redhead Bedhead for a more complete list (plus, she has a fantastic blog!)

Disclosure: The Stockroom, Good Vibrations, are affiliates of LadyCheeky.com. The only item in this article that was sent to me free of charge was the jessica drake DVD on Female Masturbation. All of my recommendations in the above blog post are honest representations of my personal opinions.

 

 

 

Jun 142013
 
Travel photography Netherlands North Holland sex and prostitution in Amsterdam

masturbation-featureWhen I finally discovered my sensuality at age 40, I couldn’t stop masturbating. I touched myself morning, noon and night. In front of the TV, while I was on the phone, laying in bed next to my (soon to be ex) husband. I even did it while waiting in an interminable line in the drive-thru for In-n-Out Burger. I couldn’t be stopped. The fortuitous  day I discovered I had a sex drive, and it needed to be taken out of the garage, was the beginning of a beautiful, intimate and HOT relationship with myself. In the past when I pleasured myself I had always used my fingers and exclusively on my clit. But this new “discovery” had rendered my fingers and right arm tired and sore, so I decided a branching out into the world of vibrators was in store.

Here I was, 40 years old and living in the big city of Los Angeles and I had never been to a sex shop for anything other than a laugh (“Omigod! They had a giant rubber fist!”). But now I was horny with a right arm that nearly needed a sling and something had to be done… and QUICK. My sister-in-law had spoken about her “rabbit” and how it was her only outlet for orgasm since she purchased it. Done. “A rabbit it is!” I thought, and I toddled off to the famous Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood.

I-RABBITThe Pleasure Chest had a stellar reputation for having voluminous product as well as being more educational than just your average brick and mortar sex toy store. And since I needed more than ‘penis pasta’ as a gag gift for a bridesmaid I thought this was the perfect choice … and I was right. That day, with the sage help from The Pleasure Chest employee, I came home with the Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit, and I couldn’t have been more pleased.

Since then, I’ve discovered how important it is to uncover new ways to pleasure myself. If I had been satisfied with using my trusty fingers the rest of my life, I wouldn’t have experienced the tantalizing orgasms that the rabbit brought me. In case you find yourself in a similar situation, I thought I would lend a … (echem) … “hand” and give you some pointers. Here are some of my tips to get to know your body a bit better and some types of toys that showed me different ways to cum.

TOUCH:  First of all, I highly encourage women everywhere to touch, caress and fondle themselves. Your body craves touch and if you’re not getting it anywhere else, you need to provide it. Even if you are getting it somewhere else, exploring your body is essential to knowing your sexual and sensual self.

Start by dragging your fingers slowly over your shoulders like you’re hugging yourself. Give yourself that comforting feeling while you pay attention to how your skin reacts. Touch your hips, your stomach, your nipples, your neck your thighs … take note of what areas are more sensitive than others and explore those a little more. I highly promote spending a lot of time on those areas of your body that you feel negatively about. We ALL have them and owning their shapes and curves … making those parts feel loved and not shamed is part of a necessary regimen for owning your body in all it’s uniqueness and beauty.

SEX TOY 101: BASICS:  Whether it’s a vibrator, a dildo or a vibrating dildo there areTravel photography Netherlands North Holland sex and prostitution in Amsterdam many choices out there. If you have no idea what you think you’ll like, ask a trusted friend or do what I did and go to a local, brick and mortar, sex-positive, sex toy shop and ask one of the staff (see some of my favorites around the country below, or click here >> The Redhead Bedhead’s comprehensive list ). These local shop employees are often well-trained, not just in what their store carries but they are usually sex educators in their own right and also happen to know what their customers tend to like and recommend.

If it’s your first time buying a sex toy, start with something that has the potential to become your “go to toy,” a toy that will never fail in your time of need, a trusty swain that will always come when called and never leave you high and dry (ok, enough with the puns). Always make certain your toy is ‘phalate-free‘ (phalates are a harmful chemical sometimes used in the production of “jelly like” sex toys) and always, always, always buy some lube.

3579-a-pjur-toy-lubeUsing a sex toy without lube, is like riding a horse without a saddle … painful, bumpy and you’re invariably sore the next day. Check with the salesperson about what lube is recommended with the toy you’re purchasing and get a nice big bottle. Personally, I like Pjur Toy Lube or my handy jar of The Butter.

SEX TOY 202: EXPERIMENTATION:  One of my favorite axioms is “how do you know what you like if you don’t know what you don’t like?” This idea always frees me up to try new and unique toys that I might never consider. Take the WeVibe3 for instance. It’s essentially marketed as a couples toy, and while I was between lovers when I bought it, I thought I might see how it worked on me … solo. I was glad I did. I manipulated that toy in so many different ways I thought I would break it. Thank God, I couldn’t destroy that thing if I tried. The motor was STRONG and was fantastic for clitoral orgasms. I tried it inside of me, in my ass, inside of me AND in my ass at the same time … soon it became one of my favorite toys to get off. Had I not be open to trying something new, I never would have purchased it.

126762443_power-bullet-g-wisteria---g-spot-vibrator-color-lavenderI even discovered my g-spot using a sex toy! Using an angled vibrating device called The Slimline and a vibrating bullet on my clit, I was able to orgasm in a way that was completely new and joyously different than anything I had felt before. This was the most intense orgasm I’ve felt to date and all because I ventured past what I would normally would have in buying a sex toy.

B455

The same goes for the vibrating butt plug. Butt plugs TERRIFIED me, but I knew that when I was with a lover and he massaged my anus and sometimes slipped a finger in during sex, it drove me over the edge. I took a deep breath and took the … uh … plunge. Because I felt the fear and did it anyway, I have experiencedincredible and unique orgasms I never would have had on my own. In fact, because I got comfortable with anal penetration by myself first, I felt more comfortable trying it when I did have a partner. My new partner found it sexy. I found it pleasurable. We had a GREAT time. Everybody wins!

SEX TOY 303: EVERYDAY ITEMS AND MORE:  I’ve also explored using things you might not consider “toys,” like hot tub jets, water from a garden hose and my partner’s thigh to name a few, all in an effort to discover different ways to cum and different methods to do it.

If you are still unsure or embarrassed or just feel like you don’t know where to turn there are plenty of ways you can become familiar with masturbation without leaving the comfort of your own home.

BOOKS:  I really found Sherri Winston’s Women’s Anatomy of Arousal Unknownand Betty Dodson’s Sex For One: The Joy of Selfloving to be extremely helpful and inspirational. If you have any shame attached to pleasuring yourself these books gently guide through the process like a good friend. If you are an experienced masturbator, these books might guide you in different pleasurable directions.

DVD/INTERNET: I recently was sent the whole set of Unknown-2jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex on DVD. I was very pleased to see one of the topics was Female Masturbation. It’s explicit, educational and HOT! There are also a couple of sites I recommend of real people (not actors) masturbating which shows you how everyone is different and pleasures themselves in different ways. Dodson and Ross (a more clinical approach) and I Feel Myself and Beautiful Agony, both of which show amateur/real women getting off. The last two are artfully and simply shot and erotic to watch.

At the end of the day it’s up to you to discover your pleasure zones and what does and doesn’t turn you on. Masturbation is, as Woody Allen put it “sex with someone you love,” but it’s also a gateway to adventure with your current or future partner. Our bodies were built to experience sexual pleasure. Now that you have the tools, why not see how much pleasure you can find in your body!

Sex-Positive, Brick & Mortar Sex Toy Shops Around the Country:

  1. The Pleasure Chest  - Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Chicago, New York
  2. The Stockroom - Los Angeles
  3. Good Vibrations – San Francisco & Boston
  4. The Smitten Kitten – Minneapolis
  5. Babeland – Seattle & New York City
  6. SheBop – Portland

And a super shout out and wet kiss with tongue to the website She-Vibe, who continuously provides not only a fantastic selection of toys but great illustrations as well!

For more, check out The Redhead Bedhead for a more complete list (plus, she has a fantastic blog!)

Disclosure: The Stockroom, Good Vibrations, are affiliates of LadyCheeky.com. The only item in this article that was sent to me free of charge was the jessica drake DVD on Female Masturbation. All of my recommendations in the above blog post are honest representations of my personal opinions.

 

 

 

Jan 072013
 
tumblr_m6ijz9zb3H1r3s0uho1_500

I loved this when I first read it and recently went back to it again. So smart. -LC

By Nicole Daedone  Originally published on her blog www.NicoleDaedone.com on 8/8/12

This is what I have come to understand. There is absolutely zero context for men to know how to fuck a Turned On Woman—meaning a woman who is free, who is capable of what I call Unconditional Sex; sex that is not saddled with “conditions” such as promises of wedding proposals, dishwashers, babies. A woman who owns her sex and does not need to use it for barter, who has the wealth and luxury—both energetic and emotional—to use it for her pleasure.

A man I’ve been seeing said, “Yeah, we (men) don’t know what to do because that kind of woman is like a unicorn”.

Sex has been the purview of men, and as such its uses have mostly been masculine. Not a problem in and of itself, but in my opinion a woman’s touch is needed in the arena of what it “means.” I see a polarization of sorts, where, running from sex-as-gravely-significant or sex-for-procreation, the masculine veers way to the other end of the scale: devoid of any emotion, connection or caring; wanton, gluttonous. The only reasons for a woman to engage would be (a) desperation, (b) the “god-given” woman’s agenda (to snag a man in her snare) or, worst of all, (c) that she approaches sex “like a man.” In the present context it is absolutely impossible that a woman could maintain her femininity; still like to yield and surrender; want deep connection and love sex… with—gasp!—more than one person. (Oh, and not be salacious and therefore open to anything from BDSM and gang bangs.) Within the game as it exists, this is a total non-sequitur.

We lack gradients, we live in an either/or perspective. Either a woman’s legs are locked and closed and safe and healthy or else they are open to just about anything flying in there. In the present context it is unthinkable that a woman could both practice discernment and feed her beast. I suppose that it is assumed that she is too fragile to tame the thing. And I suppose this is because we underestimate the power of love as the most powerful trainer.

One of the responses I get most often is that it is intimidating to be with a woman who is facile in the arena of sex. Not “thank god,” not “finally we can see what this thing can do,” but “how do I compare to other guys?” Which leads me to believe that men are not liberated sexually either. Their prowess only goes so far, it is in the hunt, but the having, the devouring is beyond both sexes. There is a hungry ghost rattling around the male psyche that rarely gets exposed. When it does, it goes something like this: I am good at wanting, craving, reaching, begging, but when the food is placed on my table, for some reason I am incapable of eating it. Part of the conditioning of the male psyche is that for a man to admit that he didn’t pounce, it would mean that he was of all things a “pussy,” the worst thing for a man to be, and her sexual appetite makes her a harlot, too man-like—put your negative connotation here—the worst thing she could be.

What I am getting is that we are in one of those Chinese finger locks, both are stuck, each hoping the other has the solution. Yes, the solution is to stop pulling away from each other. It is to stand in the face of this orgasm and brave our various sets of conditioning in order to enter and meet inside of it.

As far as I can tell the biggest challenge for women is a sense of hopelessness that it will ever be “any good”, that it will ever be sex from her native land, the kind where her body can open and she can lose herself. Time and again I hear, he’s too rough, he’s too fast, he doesn’t have enough attention. When I ask these women if they show these men what to do or slow them down, they sink into the paralysis of learned helplessness with an underlying preemptive anger. (And the unconscious fear of being the deer who suddenly turns and tells the lion how to take this meal to the next level.) The assumption is that a man doesn’t want to learn. And I would say, yes, learning occurs in the brain as physical pain. Yes learning is hard. No one likes it. And ultimately it is the only thing that brings us gratification. And I sincerely have never met a man who was not open to suggestion—sometimes they feel clumsy and stupid and try to hide it with bravado (like we all do), but with care and communication, they do have a deep desire.

The biggest challenge I see that men face is the “what is in it for me” mentality, which is devastating in the arena of sexuality. Great for business, bad for orgasm. The daemon which is a fundamental sexual energy, the necessary element of self-seeking that takes her, has run a bit rampant in the conditioned psyche of man such that no matter how much he grabs, he never gets his. That is the real nature of a hungry ghost. The conditioned psyche of men in this culture is that they can grab and grab but they cannot ingest. The daemon has got a hold of them and they are doing its bidding and it will never be gratified. This is why we see masculine driven sex in this culture as empty calories; that devoid of emotion, it is based solely on consumption but not nourishment. And it is a catch-22 in that the constant craving for more that in turn leads toward self seeking prevents the actual nourishment that would bring gratification.

Women hold the counter-pose or the antidote. But dammit, we won’t administer it. We won’t administer it because to do so we would need a place to plug the IV into and that would be straight into the vein of sex. And all the things that would signify about us that we are unwilling to claim. But this isn’t mere weakness or petulance. It lies in the fact that one’s capacity to stand in truth, to not lose oneself in a sea of opinions, to live essentially in an autonomous mind, a room of one’s own, is a result of contacting one’s own daemon as one does through… you got it… orgasm. Again, catch 22— she does not have the muscle to steer sex into the arena of what she likes and wants because she is not having the sex she wants which would develop that muscle. In other words, women do not have the power surging thorough them to withstand judgment about their sex and so do not bring the “other half” of sex, that would nourish both, into the equation.

579178_10152237903185494_755372263_nBut someone’s gotta give. You can’t go to the gym to look good enough to go to the gym. At some point you just gotta face the fact that it is going to hurt. Guys, it is going to screw with your masculinity but you are going to have to be with a woman who is facile enough in the sexual arena, free of all of the signifiers that make you a man, like the agreement to play chaste and subservient. And you are going to have to reward these women for giving you an education that hurts in the receiving. And that will require you to postpone the “getting yours” because in this case “yours” is the receiving of this education which is more a marathon than a sprint and will result in you shifting into a mindset that goes from mere quantity to quality, which ultimately nourishes you and quells the craving or converts it into depth.

And women friends, you are just going to have to withstand the throwing of tomatoes. What is the alternative? Keep your orgasm tamped down for another thousand years because you were unwilling to be called a few names or forego the illusion of there ever being a savior. Yes, there is a savior and guess what— you are it. You are here to save sex from the devastating state it’s in, unless porn, and weird sex where you have to use foreign words like yoni, or medicalized sex replete with medication, is your thing.

Here’s where you start. You admit you want it. Then you determine that are going to make it good. Not that you are going to hope and pray beyond all hope that this guy will be the one to magically “get it.” You are going to insure beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is brilliant and successful. You are going to make it through the dip. The dip is where everyone quits. It’s what Organic Chemistry is to medical school: the class that filters out about 80 per cent of students because it is so challenging. And the dip in terms of your orgasm is your willingness to withstand judgment about being a Turned On Woman. If you can make it through that dip, you have earned your stripes and deserve to have access to the power that orgasm can bring. But you’ve got to earn your chops and withstand the presumptions and assumptions about what it means for a woman to be sexual and then even worse, right when you want to konk them on the head and say “are your out of your friggin’ mind?”—you are going to educate. You are going to educate people into a new way— a way where sex without conditions does not mean sex without consciousness. In the same way it is not weakness that has one able to love unconditionally, it actually stems from strength, it is not desperation that has a woman sex unconditionally, it actually stems from power.

With this in mind, I thought I would give a little guide for the guys as to how to prepare to meet with a Turned on Woman. Sort of like when you are going to camp and they tell you how to prepare—this is How to Prepare to Fuck a Turned On Woman. Mind you, this is just how to prepare to fuck this turned on woman, but in holding up my end of the deal, the one where I make sure that you are brilliant and successful with me—here goes.

We can make this very easy. Set a time and show up on time. Both of us will be feeling a certain anticipation. We will be riding that edge of turn on and irritation. The more we can both stay inside the parameters we agree on in terms of logistics, the more we will develop trust and the more powerfully we can let go. I know how to manage sexual tension in my body, how to allow it to build and build. To a point. Often you hear about a woman being dramatic. Its not drama—it’s screech level anticipation. I want it to be that you show up and I am in the sweet spot—that line where I am having you and wanting you both. I cannot tell you how many guys “got lost on my way” coming over to have sex.

A context needs to be set because this is neither a bootie call nor a marriage ceremony. Alan Watts once said that life is far too serious to be taken seriously. This is as well. Again we are looking for a sweet spot where, on the one hand, we acknowledge that we are exploring together in the most charged, intense, potential that exists on the planet; and on the other, in the same way Suzuki Roshi says that enlightenment is just sitting—this is just sex. The experience begins when we agree to meet, and from that moment everything from wondering what I should wear for you to feeling a throb in my pussy when I imagine you being here, is part of it. I include everything, which makes it that much richer. It is like going to the symphony and being attuned to every note. Somehow doing this creates an experience of losing oneself. That is the ultimate experience that I am looking for with you—for each of us to lose ourselves and discover what is there when we do. =

For this reason I like it when you text or email me your thoughts, desires …… Read the rest on Nicole’s blog:  ORIGINAL POSTING FROM NICOLE DAEDONE’S WEBSITE HERE

 

 

Nicole Daedone is a sought-after speaker, teacher, and author who has spent her groundbreaking career redefining orgasm from a woman’s point of view. Starting with her fundamental belief that a woman’s sex is her power, she treats supposedly taboo subjects with unparalleled humor, intelligence, and insight.

Nicole is the author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Grand Central/Hachette, May 2011) and is the founder of OneTaste, a company that offers training in orgasm, communication, and man-woman relationships through online media and in-person coaching and courses. The practice at the heart of her work is called OM or Orgasmic Meditation. OM uniquely combines the tradition of extended orgasm with Nicole’s own interest in Zen Buddhism, mystical Judaism and semantics. Helping to foster a new conversation about orgasm—one that’s relevant and real—she has inspired thousands of students to make OM a part of their everyday lives.

Her work has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Post, the San Francisco Chronicle, and 7×7 Magazine, among others, and her writing has appeared in Tricycle magazine. She is also a featured speaker at the 2011 TEDxSF conference.

For more about OneTaste and OM, visit www.onetaste.us. Nicole’s blog appears at www.nicoledaedone.com.

Nov 142012
 
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By Lady Cheeky

Originally Posted on Tuesday, November 13 2012 - www.EvolvedWorld.com

In this fast food culture, women’s sexual release is often relegated to the back of the bus.  Nowhere is this more evident than in the female orgasm and how it’s attained.

As a woman who went on a sexual discovery journey I learned a few things on the way about orgasms in general and orgasms for women specifically. For

instance, an orgasm should be thought of  not as the climax of a specific act, but should include the act itself. Candice Holdorf, columnist for The Orgasmic Lifeand elephant journal has a definition of orgasm that really resonated with me. Candice explains:

“… orgasm is pulsing breath of life that births every moment. Orgasm is the chilly tickle on the edge of my skin as my lover draws his tongue from the edge of my ear to the tip of my nipple. It’s the warm flush in my face and genitals when I reveal a taboo desire.  It is the fire of my hunger and the blazing force that opens me to pleasure.”

This definition of orgasm refers to all-encompassing act where a woman can fully take advance of and surrender to all the pleasures that lead up to her climax. But how can we achieve this heightened state?

Give Yourself Permission

I’m not being patronizing. As women we do it all, we are breadwinners, mothers, students, career women and a lot more. We do so much for others on a daily basis that we sometimes forget that it is just as important (if not more so) to nurture ourselves with as much care. When you are in the position to be receiving an orgasm, whether it’s by yourself or with a partner, take a moment to recognize that this is your time. Give yourself permission to accept the love and the pleasure that comes with such an intimate act. Relax into the moment with deep breaths and stilling your mind. Concentrate on how your partner is touching you (or you are touching yourself.) Allow the glorious feelings that come with this directed touch to reverberate within and use it as an opportunity to connect on a deeper level with yourself and/or your partner i.e. your needs, your pleasure zones, your relaxation.  This is a time to connect intimately with your partner and even with yourself.

orgasm_faces

 

Let Your Senses Guide You

Your senses are your best friend in orgasm, they communicate with you by their degree of intensity. Don’t forget about them and let them happen. Pay attention to what they are telling you. Do you get goose bumps when she flicks her tongue on your belly button? Do you get wet when he kisses your neck? Do you flinch with pleasure when you massage your mons? Your body’s various levels of response to certain stimulation is information about how you like to cum and it’s not all physical either. What your partner whispers in your ear can lead to a visceral response as well. Even the music you play or pure silence punctuated with your own breathing and moans could be something that excites you. Whatever it is, make note of it and communicate it with your partner later (or show him by moans and groans while he’s doing it) or if flying solo, make a mental note for yourself for next time.

Set The Stage

Respect the time you’ve set aside for orgasm and make certain you don’t inadvertently set yourself up to fail.  If you’re anxiously awaiting a call from work in an hour, chances are you won’t be able to fully relax into your body and be present. Make sure you honor this time and set the stage for an intimate and sexy rendezvous with yourself and/or your partner. Do candles get you in the mood? Light ‘em up! Does Enya make you feel sultry? Pop her in the iPod. Maybe you feel sexy naked or like to lounge about in just a bra? Perhaps you like to be in the dark or in a freshly made bed? Whatever it is, don’t be stingy. This is YOUR time and you should make it count.

Try Something New And Different

Something I have been interested in exploring lately is Orgasmic Meditation, or “OMing” for short. OMing is a mindfulness practice where the object of focus is the clitoris. Developed by Nicole Daedone, author ofSlow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, OMing is an exercise done in its entirety with a partner (although it can be practiced on one’s own) and promotes the slow massaging of the clitoris and surrounding vulva. The apparent result is a blissfully languorous indulgence for the woman where all attention is placed on making her feel good, becoming more intimately connected as a couple as well as extending the “sensory peak” that precedes climax. As someone who likes to practice what she preaches, this is my new “taking charge of my own orgasm” goal. Having explored many different ways to achieve a diverse fare of orgasms, I look forward to trying this practice and reporting back my results. Wish me luck!

All in all, the basic message here is to remain open and self-aware. Men and women both deserve to take advantage of all the pleasure human body is capable of. Besides being enjoyable, orgasm is a natural and free way to achieve stress relief, a built-in mood equalizer and just plain fun! Explore your potential and allow yourself the freedom to come … and come … and come!

 

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