Take Charge Of Your Own Orgasm

By Lady Cheeky

In this fast food culture, women’s sexual release is often relegated to the back of the bus.  Nowhere is this more evident than in the female orgasm and how it’s attained.

As a woman who went on a sexual discovery journey I learned a few things on the way about orgasms in general and orgasms for women specifically. For instance, an orgasm should be thought of  not as the climax of a specific act, but should include the act itself. Candice Holdorf, columnist for The Orgasmic Life and elephant journal has a definition of orgasm that really resonated with me. Candice explains:

“… orgasm is pulsing breath of life that births every moment. Orgasm is the chilly tickle on the edge of my skin as my lover draws his tongue from the edge of my ear to the tip of my nipple. It’s the warm flush in my face and genitals when I reveal a taboo desire.  It is the fire of my hunger and the blazing force that opens me to pleasure.”

This definition of orgasm refers to all-encompassing act where a woman …

To continue, click here >> Take Charge Of Your Own Orgasm.

*graphic courtesy of OneTaste

Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman – Nicole Daedone – TEDxSF

Nicole Daedone is a sought-after speaker, author, and educator focusing on the intersection between orgasm, intimacy, and life. She is the founder of OneTaste, a cutting-edge company bringing a new definition of orgasm to women. The practice at the heart of her work is called OM or Orgasmic Meditation. OM uniquely combines the tradition of extended orgasm with Nicole’s own interest in Zen Buddhism, mystical Judaism and semantics. Helping to foster a new conversation about orgasm —one that’s real, relevant, and intelligent—she has inspired thousands of students to make OM a part of their everyday lives.

Nicole graduated from San Francisco State University with a degree in semantics and gender communication. She went on to found the popular avant garde art gallery 111 Minna Gallery in SoMa before moving on to OneTaste. Nicole is the author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Grand Central/Hachette, May 2011) and has appeared on ABC’s Nightline. Her work has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Post, the San Francisco Chronicle, and 7×7 Magazine, among others, and her writing has appeared in Tricycle magazine. In his #1 New York Times Bestseller The 4-Hour Body Timothy Ferriss calls the OM practice “required education for every man on the planet.”

For more about OneTaste and OM, visit http://onetaste.us. Nicole’s blog appears at http://nicoledaedone.com. Twitter: @NicoleDaedone  Twitter: @OneTaste Facebook: Nicole Daedone  OneTaste Facebook: OneTaste

5 Tips For Performing Outstanding Cunnilingus

By Jennifer Miller   Originally published on LA Weekly AFTER DARK on 11/1/12 

Last week, we delved deep into how to give a fantastic blow job. This week, it’s the ladies’ turn — we turned once again to Kristen Tribby of The Pleasure Chest to help us figure out exactly what to do when mouth meets vagina.

Here, some tips for going down on your woman with the best of them:

1. Please stop pointing your tongue
We don’t want to name names, but lots of people out there go straight for sword-tongue when they start giving a woman head. Please do not do that.

“Most women do not like a pointy, hard tongue on the clit,” said Tribby. “Try flattening your tongue and using broad strokes.”

Repeat after me: broad strokes. BROAD STROKES. The hard, jabbing tip of your mouth-muscle is giving nobody an orgasm any time soon.

2. Go ahead and use your hands
In my experience, most cunnilingus-providers aren’t afraid to shove a finger or two up in there while going down. Which is great. Tribby suggests curling two fingers up towards her belly button once they’re inserted, and using a “firm ‘come hiher’ motion” to stimulate the g-spot.

But! Fingering her isn’t the only way to incorporate your hands.

“You can also use the labia to massage the clit by gently pressing the lips together and kneading the clit between your fingers,” said Tribby. “Putting firm pressure on the mons pubis (the mound) and incorporating circular motions will also help to awake the nerves.”

3. To toy or not to toy (to toy!) 
There’s a misconception (I hope it’s a misconception, anyway) that men out there are intimidated by sex toys. Nothing can replace a real, human dick, so don’t worry. But that doesn’t mean a good toy can’t help with oral, especially because – well, you probably can’t get your dick up there at the same time, and sometimes it’s nice to have penetration that doesn’t involve a fingernail.

Tribby says that the most popular toy amont the Pleasure Chest staff is the Pjur Wand, because it’s “perfectly designed for accessing the G-Spot..it’s also slender enough to stay out of your mouth’s way.”

4. Stay the course, a.k.a. pay attention
There’s nothing worse than when your partner has found a really super rhythm with you, they’re licking away, and then suddenly they decide that because you’re so into it they should start going as fast and hard as humanly possible just when you’re about to come.

Instead, if you’re doing something that has your woman writhing with pleasure, just fucking keep doing it. You will know she’s writhing with pleasure by the fact that she is writhing. In order to notice that, though, you’ll have to get out of your own head (ha) and focus on her movements.

“Often, when women want more they will thrust their hips towards your mouth,” said Tribby. “Once you found the movement that works, repetition is key.”

5. Forget what you learned in high school
If what you learned in high school is that forming the letters A-Z with your tongue is the way to make a woman come, I regret to tell you that you’ve been woefully misinformed.

“A big misconception is that people should write the alphabet with their tongue,” said Tribby. “This is silly, because when you’re concentrating on letters in your head, you’re not paying attention to her signals in the moment.”  Tribby suggests creating suction around the clit, as if it were the head of a penis, and always using a flat tongue to go back and forth.

Keep these rules handy, and you will have a happy lady on your hands. And in your mouth (COULD NOT RESIST).

Aneros Kegel Exerciser, Evi Praised by Sex Educators (Look for my quote!)

By Ariana Rodriguez - Monday, Sep 24, 2012

LONG BEACH, Calif. — Evi, a hands-free Kegel exerciser by health-conscious manufacturer Aneros, made its debut at the CatalystCon conference in Long Beach, on Sept. 14-16.

For more information on Evi by Aneros, or to enter a raffle to win an Evi, visitAneros.com/evi/.

Evi was presented to CatalystCon attendees by Ducky Dolittle, a sexpert of more than 20 years.  Doolittle’s seminar, “Kegels and the Art of Orgasm” offered conference attendees a guided tour of the female anatomy and the benefits of strengthening PC muscles, which control urine flow and contract during orgasm. A self-proclaimed “kegel monster,” Doolittle offered her full endorsement of Evi, noting her personal mind-blowing experience with Aneros’ latest design and subsequent partnership with the brand after personally contacting Aneros.

“It’s totally unique,” Doolittle said in her presentation of Evi.  “Aneros understands the anatomy unlike any other company.”

CatalystCon organizer Dee Dennis stated, “I was thrilled ANEROS chose CatalystCon to debut Evi.  CatalystCon is about creating change, and I feel we created something groundbreaking by launching a product not at the traditional industry trade show, but instead with actual sex education, going right to those who will use Evi.  The message Aneros sent by debuting Evi at CatalystCon was their first concern is not bottom line or sales, but the sexual health and well being of those who will be using Evi.”

The hands-free device is anatomically designed to fit all women and is made of medical grade silicone material guaranteeing users stimulation while strengthening PC muscles. With correct insertion, Evi alternately stimulates the G-spot and clitoris with a simple Kegel exercise, essentially providing pleasurable incentives for Kegel fitness, the company said.

Firm enough to pivot and hold its shape, while providing comfort, Evi is described as delivering a delightful inner fullness by adapting to the anatomical contours of a woman’s vagina.  Contracting and relaxing pelvic floor muscles causes Evi to stroke the anterior wall of the vagina known as the G-spot, while externally stimulating the clit.  The pace and pressure can be controlled by rocking and twirling the hips, thus offering women versatile stimulation.

According to the company, early reviews of Evi report strengthened PC muscles and intense orgasms marked by involuntary vaginal contractions, to which Evi responds by elongating the experience and often leading to female ejaculation.  For newbies, Evi by Aneros serves as a tool for gauging PC muscle strength, while encouraging fitness through pleasure.

Sex blogger and sex-positive activist Lady Cheeky said, “I was interested in Evi primarily for its kegel focus.  I found Evi provided me with a comfortable, and dare I say, enjoyable workout for my pelvic floor muscles.  Once inserted, my kegels were immediately engaged and intuitively clasped onto Evi, making the kegel exercise itself thought-free.  Extremely comfortable, I could walk, sit, and drive, all the while knowing Evi was secure and doing its job.  Evi is like a barbell for your lady bits!”

“We attend a lot of conferences and have interacted with a lot of sponsors, and we’ve never been as impressed as we were with Aneros at CatalystCon,” EvilSlutopia.com co-founders and executive editors Lilith and Jezebel said.  “The fact they chose CatalystCon for the Evi launch says a lot about them as a company and their dedication to sex positivity and sex education…We’ve never seen any sponsor treat the conference organizer so well or be so genuinely nice, helpful, and professional and just overall fucking awesome to everyone.”

At the conclusion of Doolittle’s presentation of Evi at CatalystCon, a raffle sent several enthusiastic winners home with an Evi of their own — however, discarded packaging in the women’s bathroom suggested some women couldn’t wait to take Evi for a spin.

You can find out more about the EVI by Aneros on http://www.aneros.com/evi/

Big Think Interview With Barry Komisaruk A Conversation with Komisaruk, the Rutgers Psychologist and Author of the Book, “The Orgasm Answer Guide.”

Big Think Interview With Barry Komisaruk
A conversation with Komisaruk, the Rutgers psychologist and author of “The Orgasm Answer Guide.”

Question: Are men and women hard-wired to have the same sexual responses?

Barry Komisaruk: There was an interesting research study by Vance and Wagner that was done in 1975; it was a long time ago, but it was a very interesting study where they asked men and women to describe their orgasms in writing and then they removed all specific references to the genitals, so you couldn’t tell whether it was a man or a women — these were college students describing their orgasms — and then they gave the descriptions. Each one was about a short paragraph of the description of the orgasm. They gave the descriptions to sex therapists and various experts in sexuality, M.D.s, asking, “Can you tell which one is written by a male and which is written by a female?” The upshot of the experiment was that they couldn’t identify accurately whether the description of the orgasm was made by a man or a woman.

So on that basis, my conclusion and their conclusion is that the feelings of orgasm, when you remove the specific reference to the genitals or which difference between the the genitals and the sexes, that the feelings of the orgasm are indistinguishable from each other, between men and women.

Question: Why are some women unable to climax?

Barry Komisaruk: We don’t really know why some women can’t experience orgasms. I started out by some years ago trying to find women who don’t experience orgasms to study them in looking at their brain activity during genital self-stimulation and we identified one women and she — but she before she came to our lab she said she got a new boyfriend and now she’s had her first orgasm. So that did it for that experiment. We’re still looking and it is a very interesting question. We don’t really know. Certainly there are situations in which with peripheral nerve damage or diabetes, these can impede the neural transmission, the sensory nerves.

It’s much rarer in the case of men. McKenzie reported that only a few, two or three, of the men they interviewed out of many hundreds could have orgasms by thought alone, but we have found a substantial number of women who can have orgasms just by thinking. We’ve studied them and are continuing to study them and it’s really very interesting. We measured their heart rate and blood pressure and pain thresholds, which pain thresholds go up during orgasm. In other words, we found that women become much less sensitive to pain during orgasm and also their pupils dilate. All those measures, the heart rate, blood pressure, pain thresholds, and pupil dilations, they are all about doubled during orgasm generated by genital self-stimulation.

What we found is that women – we had ten women in the laboratory who said they could have orgasms just by thought and we measured their physiological responses when they applied genital self-stimulation, actual physical stimulation, and then we compared it with when they said they had orgasms by though alone. The physiological responses were essentially the same. They were indistinguishable. In other words, those women were really having orgasms just by thinking. They had different ideas – we asked them what their thought process was to elicit the orgasm and some said they had erotic imagery, but others said they had pastoral imagery, like walking along the shore on a warm summer day. Other women have a much more abstract image such as imagining the energy moving up and down their body and producing the orgasm. So, there are big individual differences.

Now we’re looking at their brain activity in women who have orgasms by thought alone and we are seeing very great similarities between when they have orgasms by just thinking and orgasms when they do genital self-stimulation.

Question: Is there something psychological going on?

Barry Komisaruk: We’re starting to study men and it’s a very good question, but we don’t really know what the difference is. It seems to be much rarer in men than in women. One of the things we are finding, very new findings, is that when women think of different parts of their body, the thinking about those parts of the body activates the sensory cortex. There’s a map of the body on the sensory cortex. In other words, the fingers are in one place and the toes are represented in another place, the face is represented in another place, the genitals in another place. It’s all systematically laid out, very much like the body plan is laid out on the sensory cortex.

What we’re finding is that when women think about their finger being stimulated, or they think about their toe being stimulated, or they think about their clitoris being stimulated, or their nipple, that the corresponding part of the body, the representation of it in the sensory cortex, of those body parts is actually activated just as if they are really being stimulated physically. I think one of the interesting questions is whether, since women can think their genital systems into actual activity in the brain, can men do the same thing? If they can’t then that might be a way of understanding why women can have orgasms by thought alone. Are the activating their genital sensory representation, which then spreads to other parts of the brain? And can men not do that? We don’t really know. But we have the tools to investigate that.

Question: How is the brain related to female sexual response?

Barry Komisaruk: Well, it’s interesting that you ask that question because we are really dealing with that right now. Since we know that if you think about the clitoris, or think about the G-spot, or think about the cervix that the corresponding part of the brain map for those parts of the body, those become activated. So, one question is whether women who can think themselves to orgasm, do they think their genital activation that the brain representation of the genitalia into activity and does that spread to the other systems that are involved in orgasm, how do they do it? We want to understand how they do it normally and then the question is what if we ask women to think about the genitals more intensively? Or, will they be able to intensify the response in their genital sensory cortex, and will that spread to other parts of the brain, will that facilitate their orgasm? I think it could be very useful in women who say that they don’t experience orgasms; it could be useful in women with spinal cord injury who can’t feel their external genitals. Can they think their brain into greater activation and will that facilitate their orgasm?

That’s a question that we are currently dealing with our brain research. It’s a very important and interesting question and it could be therapeutically useful. One of the techniques that we’ve developed is to have the women in the scanner looking at their own brain activity in near real time. The question is, if we can see our own brain activity in near real time in specific regions, can we voluntarily increase the activity of that part of the brain just by thinking about it, just as we can think about moving our finger and we can move our finger? We can wiggle our finger. We don’t know what we do, we learned to do it as an infant because we got the feedback between what we see and what we do, maybe we can do something with the brain. If we see our own brain activity, maybe we can make a change and maybe that’s going to change the way we feel, or the way we move. So, this is a new technology of near real time brain imaging with unlimited frontiers. We don’t really know how far we can go with that. But it’s a new approach.

Recorded on October 29, 2009 on www.bigthink.com   

“The Orgasm Answer Guide.” by Barry Komisaruk can be purchased on Amazon.com