Jul 192014
 
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After Pornified – How Women Are Transforming Pornography and Why It Really Matters

A Book Review, by Lady Cheeky: Originally published on EvolvedWorld.com

What do you think about when you hear the word “pornography”?  In the United States at least, that word usually conjures up images of brightly tanned, women on their knees and overly built men with perma-erections in various states of orgasmic euphoria.  Pornography has classically been made by and for a male consumer base summarily ignoring the female audience that was always assumed to not be interested in sexually based entertainment. It’s interesting to note though, that 40 million Americans visit porn sites regularly and 1 in 3 of those viewers are women, (probably more if you figure that a lot of women would be too shy to admit to it).  However, with the ever-increasing demographic of women who enjoy porn on a regular basis this old-fashioned image may need to make way for a new paradigm of pornography, Feminist or “Re-visioned” Porn.

In the new book AfterPornified: How Women Are Transforming Pornography & Why It Really Matters (from Zer0 Books) by Anne G. Sabo, Ph.D., Ms. Sabo catalogs  and explains the history and the need for Feminist Porn.

the great thing about porn affecting us is that it can actually have a good effect on us.  Re-visioned and transformed feminist porn proves my point.  Re-visioned porn can change the way we think about and practice sex in positive ways, just as mainstream porn has affected the way we picture and practice sex in negative ways”.

By highlighting and examining revolutionary feminist porn filmmakers and their work, Ms. Sabo delineates how each artist brings their unique vision and aesthetic to their films and how that impacts the world of erotic filmmaking geared toward women.  She also speaks with these illustrious filmmakers, Candida Royalle, Erika Lust and Lisbeth Lyngoft to name a few and interviews them about their vision and their process. Ms. Royalle, for example, outlines (with great sub-categories) two essential elements one must incorporate in a good feminist sex flick:

1. High cinematic production value and

2. Progressive sexual-political commitment.

Ms. Lyngoft also throws her hat in the ring with her must have list, one of which is “To create a powerful female character who is determined and who goes with her desires”. This seems to be the main current that runs through the feminist porn genre; giving the female lead agency over her own body and desires.

Breaking down scenes from classic feminist porn films and then dissecting why they change the landscape of the pornographic film business is a unique and fascinating aspect of Ms. Sabo’s book. It’s almost as if the reader is being schooled in sexuality & feminist theory and practice by an intelligent and noted scholar. In fact, Ms. Sabo is an academic-cum-public educator who has researched feminist pornography for over a decade and is a noted expert in her field. The reader benefits from her expertise by covering topics that range from pushing the limits with progressive porn to  music video porn all written with intelligence and aplomb. As a fantastic plus, Ms. Sabo finishes off her book with a healthy appendix of filmmakers, websites, women-oriented sex shops, and progressive sex film awards and festivals to further quell your new lust for more feminist porn.

 

Ms. Sabo has done her research and it shows in this illuminating and detailed treatise on the re-visioned/feminist porn movement. This book is a goldmine for all sex-positive women and men who at least believe that there is nothing wrong with porn that a little balance can’t fix or even the steadfast feminist who wants to broaden his/her knowledge base on the issues of sexual agency of women in adult film. The casual reader will also find something to take away from this book, a new respect for the women of porn and a newly minted image when they next hear the word “pornography” brought up in conversation.

After Pornified: How Women Are Transforming Pornography and Why It Really Matters (from Zer0 Books): is available on AMAZON and AMAZON UK

 

 

Dec 112013
 
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Originally published on 12/4/13  sabrinamorgan.tumblr.com

We have a real problem with our sex educators and writers getting booted off of sites like Facebook and LinkedIn, and having their funds frozen by processors like PayPal, because of these companies’ refusal to touch the erotic. Specifically, perceived status as a (current or former, as PayPal clarified to me in a phone call) sex worker or association with erotic materials (such as an erotica Tumblr; let’s not even start on porn) is license to shut down our educators.

This is being unevenly applied. If you’re a male sex educator, or are commonly read as masculine, you are less likely to have this issue because of the false assumption that men aren’t sex workers. (Male sex educators and sex workers still have this issue, to be clear.) If you’re a female sex educator, or are perceived as one, you are more likely to be assumed to be a sex worker.

If you’ve thought that working strictly as a sex educator meant that sex worker stigma wasn’t your issue, let this be a wake-up call. Unless we take pleasure out of sex education – which is a losing game – we will keep having our platforms knocked out from under us due not only to discomfort with sex, but discomfort with the erotic pleasure principle, and with the possibility of sex work.

Educators such as Nina Hartley, Buck Angel, and Jessica Drake use porn as a platform to reach many who might not otherwise seek out sex and pleasure education. Lots of sex educators have backgrounds in the erotic professions that inform their work as sex educators. When we’re too scared to defend sex work, because it’s not our battle, because there’s a legal gray area we’re scared to touch, we’re saying it’s okay to let the sex workers – our front-line sex educators – take the bullets as long as we get to play the game. And we get to play the game only as long as we play it safe.

Playing it safe means being afraid to show what it is that we’re teaching. Playing it safe means we can’t make our material too erotic or explicit or we’ll lose our billing. Playing it safe means knowing our client needs to see a sex worker but being afraid to make the referral because of what it might mean for us professionally.

We all do it. And we can all be braver. Because it is our fight. Sex work is under assault because it’s both sex and work. When we work in sex, however we work in sex, we brush up against that stigma. If we want sex to be taken seriously on our watch, we have to commit to standing up for access to sex education and health, for pleasure, and for treating all of the sexual professions with respect.

images-2Sabrina Morgan is a sex worker’s rights advocate as well as a sex educator and relationship coach. Fascinated with the places where society and sexuality intersect, she began practicing kink-focused work in 2005 and has been speaking and presenting workshops on dating, sexuality, and the intersection of sex, gender, and human rights issues since 2009.

Her work as a professional switch allowed her to work with others’ sexuality in a very personal way, giving her a deft sensitivity to the needs of those exploring new facets of their sexual selves and an understanding of the importance of sex and relationship education for adults.

A firm believer in continuing education for all adults exploring sex and relationships, she has presented at SXSW, the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit 2013, Toronto’s Playground Conference 2012 & 2013, CatalystCon East and West 2012 & 2013, Momentum 2011 & 2012, BIL 2012, the San Francisco Sex Worker Fest, and Sex 2.0 2009 & 2010. She offers group workshops, distance classes, and has shot educational videos for both Kink Academy and Passionate U.

Individual and couples’ coaching is available through her site.

Nov 192013
 
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This made me cheer a little in my mouth.

Burlesque Dancer, Amanda Trusty, depicts her body image journey through her art and makes us all a little bit

better for it.

On November 22, 2013, Amanda will be interviewed on The Today Show in New York City at 8am EST. Her

viral burlesque video to Katy Perry’s Roar has been featured on Huffington Post and Jezebel. Watch the powerful statement she makes (in the above YouTube video)

photo

Continue to follow Amanda’s popular blog on eating, performing, and what it’s like to live in a body controlled by the entertainment biz here: Trust Me, I’ve Been There

Nov 122013
 
Rachel Kramer Bussel shows of her latest anthology, The Big Book of Orgasms.

What do cupcakes, Hello Kitty and sex have in common? The answer is best- selling erotica writer, editor and anthologist Rachel Kramer Bussel. Aside from being a talented and accomplished erotica writer in her own right, one is immediately attracted to her girly sense of whimsy, fawning over cupcakes and Hello Kitty anything, to her keen sense of the carnal and concupiscent. It’s this sexy and charming juxtaposition that makes Rachel  and her work so alluring.

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WIN a copy of The Big Book of Orgasms from Cleis press!
CLICK THE BOOK ABOVE!

Her latest (and some say greatest) anthology The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories (available in paperback and Kindle from Cleis Press) was just released this month. Not even half way through November and The Big Book of Orgasms has already  been able to glean enthusiastic reviews from readers and reviewers alike. This accomplishment has made me extra enthusiastic because I am lucky enough to have written one of those 69 Sexy Stories. You can read an excerpt from my true tale HERE. Perhaps the best part of this new anthology is it’s bite size portions of scream worthy stories (no more than 1200 words each) that make your entire body pulsate and sing.

There are some super-stars of erotica between those covers including: Emerald, Tess Danesi, Stella Harris and Rachel Kramer Bussel herself as well as some newbies (like myself). The Big Book of Orgasms is 351 pages tightly packed into a snug 7″ x 5″ paperback package you can carry in your pocketbook, perhaps fodder for 69 of your own sexy orgasms.

I asked Rachel to give me a list of her five favorite sex toys and a lube. Since one of her favorite sex toys IS lube, I decided to leave it at that. It’s an eclectic and sexy mix. Would you expect anything else from the Empress of Erotica?

RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL’S FIVE FAVORITE SEX TOYS:

Hitachi Magic Wand – my favorite, must have, go to vibrator. I use it to get off and to relax and also sometimes for back pain.

Tantus Pelt Paddle – though really all their silicon paddles pack a wonderful punch. I can’t take them all the time but when I get spanked with them it’s a special treat.

Crave Droplet Necklace – I love anything that I can multitask with, and this necklace is beautiful, makes me feel a little naughty when I wear it since I know I’m wearing something that can vibrate, and makes me feel like I can whip it off at any time and put it to good use. I also like that it’s small but strong.

Juliette Cuffs de Luxe – I’m a sucker for silk, and these feel and look amazing.

BabeLube by Babeland Lube! Last but not least, lube is the sex toy I use the most often and for the most variety of sexual activities. Main one I use is BabeLube, I’m not tied to it but like the pump bottle.

 WIN A COPY OF THE BIG BOOK OF ORGASM FROM

SMUT FOR SMARTIES AND CLEIS PRESS!

ENTER HERE!!!!

 

magic-wand

Hitachi Magic Wand

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Tantus Pelt Paddle

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CRAVE Droplet Necklace

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Juliette Cuffs De Luxe

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BabeLube

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rachel Kramer Bussel:

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York-based author, editor, blogger and event organizer. She has written for numerous publications, including Alternative Press, CNN.com, The Daily Beast, The Frisky, Gothamist, The Hairpin, Huffington Post, Inked, Jezebel, Lemondrop, Mediabistro, The Nervous Breakdown, New York Post, New York Observer, New York Press, Playgirl, The Root, Salon, San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York, The Village Voice, xoJane and Zink. She has edited 40+ anthologies for Alyson Books, Avon Red, Cleis Press, Pretty Things Press, Ravenous Romance and Seal Press, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, Suite Encounters: Hotel Sex Stories, Going Down, Irresistible, Women in Lust, Orgasmic, Fast Girls, Passion, Obsessed, Bottoms Up, Spanked, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, Gotta Have It, The Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and 2012, Best Sex Writing 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2012, and 6 of her anthologies have won Gold IPPY (Independent Publisher) Awards for Erotica and Sexuality/Relationships. She has contributed to over 100 anthologies, including Susie Bright’s Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006 and X: The Erotic Treasury, as well as The Sexual State of the Union and Yes Means Yes.

Rachel conducts reading and erotic writing workshops worldwide, and including Chicago, Las Vegas, London, Minneapolis, New York, Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Toronto. She has presented, spoken and taught at conferences including Dark Odyssey, Erotic Authors Association, Sex 2.0, and SXSW. For five years, she hosted In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series in New York City, which featured 300 readers, including Kevin Allison, Jonathan Ames, Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Kerry Cohen, Jessica Cutler, Mike Daisey, Mike Edison, Stephen Elliott, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, HoneyB (Mary Morrison), Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Diana Joseph, Jillian Lauren, Neal Medlyn, Scott Poulson-Bryant, Julie Powell, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, M.J. Rose, Susan Shapiro, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Jo Weldon, Susan Wright, and Zane, among others. Rachel holds a bachelor’s degree in political science and women’s studies from the University of California at Berkeley.

 

Jul 272013
 

By Cristy Lytal      For the LA Times -July 27, 2013, 8:00 a.m. – calendar@latimes.com

Working Hollywood

Antonia Crane’s 20 years of experience as an exotic dancer and sex worker helped her become the expert consultant for the film “Afternoon Delight,” about a sex worker. (Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times / July 28, 2013) – Shot at Sheila Kelly’s “S” Factor Studios in Hollywood, CA

 

Not only does Antonia Crane know her way around a movie set, she also knows her way around a stripper pole. As someone with experience as an exotic dancer, Crane served as an expert consultant for Film Arcade’s “Afternoon Delight,” which stars Kathryn Hahn as a bored housewife who befriends a young sex worker played by Juno Temple.

Crane, 41, started dancing at age 3. The daughter of a lawyer and a paralegal, she grew up in Humboldt County, playing in the redwood forest, skiing, camping, horseback riding and cheerleading. She earned a spot in an honors program at College of the Redwoods before transferring to Mills College, where she began reading postmodern feminist theory. The sex-positive feminism of Kathy Acker, Judith Butler and others — combined with a need for cash — inspired her to launch her unconventional career as an exotic dancer, which she saw as a form of performance art.

“It’s empowering to women in a lot of ways,” she said. “I mean, it’s the best blue-collar gig out there in terms of the money that you get and the hours spent. And so you can really have a life for yourself outside the strip club.”

Since then, she’s shimmied and strutted at more than a dozen strip clubs over the last 20 years, on and off. She’s taken detours as a counselor for homeless youth, receptionist at an entertainment law firm, personal assistant to a fashion designer and waitress.

Crane earned her MFA in creative writing from Antioch University, and she teaches young wordsmiths at UC San Diego and at Woodcraft Rangers, which offers after-school programs for inner-city teens. She also contributes a sex column to the Rumpus, an alternative pop culture website, and has penned a forthcoming memoir titled “Spent.”

“There’s a lot of judgment from the world about someone who has clocked many years as an exotic dancer or whatever,” she said. “What would be empowering is if that changed.”

Solo way, duo way: Crane met Jill Soloway, writer-director of “Afternoon Delight,” at a literary reading in San Francisco a few years ago, and they started going on walks. “She drew on my experience to help her figure out the criteria to create authenticity of how sex workers are portrayed in her screenplay,” said Crane. They often returned to the question: Does a sex worker have a responsibility to a client’s wife or girlfriend? “I don’t really have a clear-cut answer,” said Crane. “But the great thing about ‘Afternoon Delight’ is that it’s the woman that goes into the secret world and has a connection with a dancer that is not within the acceptable parameters of her marriage.”

PLEASE READ THE REST AT: LA TIMES – ENTERTAINMENT

Jul 272013
 

By Cristy Lytal      For the LA Times -July 27, 2013, 8:00 a.m. – calendar@latimes.com

Working Hollywood

Antonia Crane’s 20 years of experience as an exotic dancer and sex worker helped her become the expert consultant for the film “Afternoon Delight,” about a sex worker. (Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times / July 28, 2013) – Shot at Sheila Kelly’s “S” Factor Studios in Hollywood, CA

 

Not only does Antonia Crane know her way around a movie set, she also knows her way around a stripper pole. As someone with experience as an exotic dancer, Crane served as an expert consultant for Film Arcade’s “Afternoon Delight,” which stars Kathryn Hahn as a bored housewife who befriends a young sex worker played by Juno Temple.

Crane, 41, started dancing at age 3. The daughter of a lawyer and a paralegal, she grew up in Humboldt County, playing in the redwood forest, skiing, camping, horseback riding and cheerleading. She earned a spot in an honors program at College of the Redwoods before transferring to Mills College, where she began reading postmodern feminist theory. The sex-positive feminism of Kathy Acker, Judith Butler and others — combined with a need for cash — inspired her to launch her unconventional career as an exotic dancer, which she saw as a form of performance art.

“It’s empowering to women in a lot of ways,” she said. “I mean, it’s the best blue-collar gig out there in terms of the money that you get and the hours spent. And so you can really have a life for yourself outside the strip club.”

Since then, she’s shimmied and strutted at more than a dozen strip clubs over the last 20 years, on and off. She’s taken detours as a counselor for homeless youth, receptionist at an entertainment law firm, personal assistant to a fashion designer and waitress.

Crane earned her MFA in creative writing from Antioch University, and she teaches young wordsmiths at UC San Diego and at Woodcraft Rangers, which offers after-school programs for inner-city teens. She also contributes a sex column to the Rumpus, an alternative pop culture website, and has penned a forthcoming memoir titled “Spent.”

“There’s a lot of judgment from the world about someone who has clocked many years as an exotic dancer or whatever,” she said. “What would be empowering is if that changed.”

Solo way, duo way: Crane met Jill Soloway, writer-director of “Afternoon Delight,” at a literary reading in San Francisco a few years ago, and they started going on walks. “She drew on my experience to help her figure out the criteria to create authenticity of how sex workers are portrayed in her screenplay,” said Crane. They often returned to the question: Does a sex worker have a responsibility to a client’s wife or girlfriend? “I don’t really have a clear-cut answer,” said Crane. “But the great thing about ‘Afternoon Delight’ is that it’s the woman that goes into the secret world and has a connection with a dancer that is not within the acceptable parameters of her marriage.”

PLEASE READ THE REST AT: LA TIMES – ENTERTAINMENT

Jun 242013
 
stoya-censored

By Alyssa Royse from her blog Just Alyssa on 6/11/11

I love bodies. I love both men’s and women’s bodies. I love my body. I have always loved Stoya’s body, hers especially. (And her amazingly pale skin, dark hair, pouty lips…. ) And, like many women, I look at all the bodies in the media, and I never see my own body. I often joke that I am built like a 16 year-old boy, which doesn’t fit in either Madison Avenue or The Valley’s idea of sexy. I have always wanted to see my body reflected back at me in a way that tells me that society deems it beautiful. (We all want that, even those of us who “know” better.)

Stoya on the cover of Richardson Magazine, As photographed by Steven Klein. So, imagine my shock when the new issue of Richardson Magazine, which is essentially high-art porn and graphic discussion of sex and sexuality, featured Stoya on the cover. As I’ve never seen her before. She’s always been very traditionally feminine. Super slender, but soft and curvy. Not any more. She is now sporting six-pack abs, defined deltoids and the kind of sinewy muscles you’d expect on a, well, on a guy. Or on me. Imagine my shock when I saw a body that looks like mine on the cover of a magazine. And imagine my shock when I realized that my first response was one of disappointment. I didn’t really like it.

WHAT THE FUCK? How could I not like it? In an attempt to figure out what was going on in my mind, I took my laptop into my room, took off all my clothes and stood in front of the mirror to compare our bodies. Yup, pretty much the same.

Me, August 2010, feeling strong and sexy, if not traditionally feminine.

Me, August 2010, feeling strong and sexy, if not traditionally feminine.

So what’s going on in my head? Could it be as simple as that she has pubic hair, something I can’t stand? Nope, not that simple.

Could it be some deep-rooted self-loathing that I wasn’t aware of? I don’t think so, I genuinely love my body, and have a damned good relationship with it.

After thinking about it, I came up with some ideas that may tap into something much larger when it comes to porn, sexuality, and even our relationships with our lovers.

1. Porn may be more about aspiration than validation. That may seem obvious, but it’s novel to me. I have often said that I can’t stand watching porn in which the women have fake breasts, because it’s just ridiculous, they don’t seem real. The women, not the breasts. Or women with tons of make-up, unless it’s all artsy. Or super cheesy greasy body-building men, because they are just as fake. I, generally, enjoy more natural, real bodies, even though that also means that they are a little heavier, or softer or….

Seeing Stoya with my body was just too real. It left me nothing to aspire too. Or for. There was no fantasy, it was just reality as I know it.  If I wanted to fantasize about my real life, that would leave me with a messy house, unpaid bills, a string of immature men and batteries that die too quickly. No thanks.

2. I want you to be what I want you to be, and I don’t want you to change. This one, obviously, sucks to realize. But I think this may plague us in our real relationships, not just our relationships with porn stars. Stoya, to me, has always been this Porcelain Doll fantasy creature who was delicate and feminine, as soft and smooth as a statue whose satin patina was earned by centuries of admirers rubbing a lucky spot. When she suddenly became something else, I didn’t want her any more.

God that sucks. I am disappointed in myself for this one. I am a little mad at her for leaving me alone in the fantasy that I created for her. What right does she have to self-actualize? To become stronger? To not fill my fantasies?

Yup, relationships die of that kind of narcissism. Mine, not hers.

stoya-censoredSo I look again at Stoya. She’s hotter than ever. She looks strong in every way, the look in her eye says, “this is me, can you handle it,” rather than “I’ll be your fantasy.”

If I met her in the real world, I’d be blown away by her strength and beauty and sex appeal. I’d judge a man by whether or not he found her attractive, because her sexiness is of a much more imposing sort now. It’s raw and powerful. And there is nothing sexier than a man who TRULY finds strong, powerful women sexy.

I look at her picture and I’m almost scared of her. It’s not the approachable and easy sexiness that I am used to from her. It’s like a dare, a challenge. It’s a little scary.

I look at me. And for the first time I think I feel what I know so many men feel when they encounter me when my internal fires are lit. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the words, “too intense,” “too much,” and “I’m not ready” uttered by men I have loved, been loved by and wanted to keep loving and being loved by.

And there I am, naked, on the cover of this magazine. It hurt. I got it.

I got comfortable with it.

Perhaps this is the “me” that I needed to see reflected. Not the shape of the body, but the intensity of the stand and the stare. The still strength.

This is not how people have traditionally defined sexy. This is a woman who is strong as hell, and not in a “trying to be a guy” way. Not in an unnatural way. Not in a seductive way. She is just standing in her own power and letting people react how they want, unconcerned, unassuming and yes, uninviting. Because her sexuality, it turns out, isn’t anyone else’s business, and she doesn’t need you in it.

Credit where credit is due, the photo was taken by Steven Klein who is a ridiculously talented photographer who does largely editorial portrait work. But the power, that’s all her.

Now, when I look at the cover, I realize that it is aspirational. More than anything I’ve ever seen.

That’s what naked power is. And it’s sexy as hell. Strength, and sexiness, comes from the inside. The outside is just a container, and sometimes, it can’t be contained.

IF YOU ARE OVER 18 AND CAN LEGALLY LOOK AT NAKED PICTURES OF BODIES (as if anyone can stop you and it’s anyone else’s business,) here is a very buff Stoya very much in the buff.

Alyssa-RoyseAlyssa Royse is freelance writer, speaker and sex-educator living in Seattle with her boyfriend and their 3 daughters. She co-hosts Sexxx Talk Radio on The Progressive Radio Network and is the co-founder of NotSoSecret.com, a site dedicated to empowered women’s sexuality. She can also be found on her eponymous blog, where she pontificates about food, family, politics and the Seattle rain. Twitter: @AlyssaRoyse  Website: Just Alyssa  TEDx: Your Sexuality: Ask & Tell  Progressive Radio Network: SexxxTalk Radio

Other writing by Alyssa Royse: 
Nice Guys Commit Rape Too – xoJane
The Danger In Demonizing Male Sexuality – The Good Men Project

May 272013
 

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Sex educators, writers and porn stars share their favorite adult Tumblrs  

WebBY   Originally published on Salon.com, SATURDAY, MAY 25, 2013  

Earlier this week, in light of worries that Yahoo’s purchase of Tumblr would mean an end to porn on the micro-blogging platform, I reviewed its most popular adult blogs. I slogged through hours of explicit material — all for you. But then, the sophisticated porn-oisseurs among you were like: Who needs this plebe porn? Show us the best!

Alright, I hear you. But there is only so much of the Internet — even the pornographic Tumblr Internet — that one woman can cover, so I called in some expert help from porn stars, journalists and sexperts. The result is a wildly eclectic bunch of blogs featuring everything from porn superstar Stoya to the indifferent cats of amateur porn. There is something in here for everyone — even if you don’t consider yourself a pornophile.

Lady Cheeky

This blog brands itself as “a curated sensual images site that focuses on sensuality, positive body image, sexual pleasure and beautiful photos depicting desire and passion.” Its tagline: “smart is sexy.” Michael Thomsen, a sex writer, recommends it because of “the looping GIFs of isolated gestures during sex,” he says, “like a stroke of the hand just playing into infinity, or else like pulling down someone’s underwear while their hips rise in anticipation.” It’s this “pretty straightforward, vanilla stuff that often gets rushed over in long-form porn but [which] captures a little more honest and relatable part of sex than just fuck videos,” he says. That’s the magic of GIFs, Thomsen argues: “[They're] the perfect format for getting around the paradox of needing sex on film to be maximally visual, which also makes it maximally unnatural and mechanistic.”

Read the rest >> HERE

May 272013
 

Unknown-1

Sex educators, writers and porn stars share their favorite adult Tumblrs  

WebBY   Originally published on Salon.com, SATURDAY, MAY 25, 2013  

Earlier this week, in light of worries that Yahoo’s purchase of Tumblr would mean an end to porn on the micro-blogging platform, I reviewed its most popular adult blogs. I slogged through hours of explicit material — all for you. But then, the sophisticated porn-oisseurs among you were like: Who needs this plebe porn? Show us the best!

Alright, I hear you. But there is only so much of the Internet — even the pornographic Tumblr Internet — that one woman can cover, so I called in some expert help from porn stars, journalists and sexperts. The result is a wildly eclectic bunch of blogs featuring everything from porn superstar Stoya to the indifferent cats of amateur porn. There is something in here for everyone — even if you don’t consider yourself a pornophile.

Lady Cheeky

This blog brands itself as “a curated sensual images site that focuses on sensuality, positive body image, sexual pleasure and beautiful photos depicting desire and passion.” Its tagline: “smart is sexy.” Michael Thomsen, a sex writer, recommends it because of “the looping GIFs of isolated gestures during sex,” he says, “like a stroke of the hand just playing into infinity, or else like pulling down someone’s underwear while their hips rise in anticipation.” It’s this “pretty straightforward, vanilla stuff that often gets rushed over in long-form porn but [which] captures a little more honest and relatable part of sex than just fuck videos,” he says. That’s the magic of GIFs, Thomsen argues: “[They're] the perfect format for getting around the paradox of needing sex on film to be maximally visual, which also makes it maximally unnatural and mechanistic.”

Read the rest >> HERE

Jan 222013
 
tumblr_m5asknvCUc1qeuufeo1_500

I posted this picture recently on my blog, Lady Cheeky (see below) . Underneath the photo I typed the word “Gorgeous.” When I blog my photos, I do it rather quickly as I only blog the images I, personally think are sexy. I don’t always comment on photos I post, but when I do it’s because a word or a feeling comes to mind and I add the comment as effortlessly as I would if I were having conversation.

On this day, again without thinking, I posted the comment “GORGEOUS” on this sensual photo of a very zaftig woman laying on her side with a naked man behind her. I thought the image was beautiful and the body, with all it’s texture and curves was gorgeous. Even though my porn site is body-positive, I still get the regular lookie-loos that just want to see the graphic images. That’s fine, I like them too. To each his/her own. But when comments attacking someone’s size, either skinny or large, deluge my in-box, it always makes me roll my eyes and sigh. Today wasn’t the first time I received un-kind words regarding a photo I posted. But today I recognized a change in how I see them.

When I’ve receive these blistering notes, I don’t get angry, I don’t get offended, I don’t get depressed or antagonistic or vindictive. I never feel attacked, less-than or judged. And because I also share some of the characteristics of the picture I posted, I could sit here in self-hate and use the rapacious insults to validate all that I think is wrong with me.  In fact, in the past I would have. But instead, I feel like a climber that has reached the top of a small but difficult mountain, looking out to azure skies and tree-topped valleys upon the vast landscape which holds the secret of my next trek.

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Today, when I see these comments in my in-box I feel validated and liberated and secure because I know that I’ve overcome thinking of my round, soft and curvy body as less desirable, less sensual and less important than the average-sized women I used to compare myself to. I feel free from the drama in my head of constantly worrying if my lover will walk out the door when he sees my stomach … naked without the Spanx binding it in. Feeling confident that I am attractive because I feel sexy in my own skin “knowing” of who I am as a woman is the payoff of years and years of hard inner and practical work.

Today, when I post a gorgeous photo of a nude woman, laid out in all her vulnerable, sexy nakedness … a woman who resembles me much more than a traditionally sized woman, I no longer take in the “fatty” or the “whale” or “the lazy whore needs to go to the gym” comments because for every nasty comment gets lodged at me for what I personally think is gorgeous, I get a comment like this: “That picture that you said “Gorgeous” I have almost the same body as her. It made me smile.”

THAT made ME smile and made my day. It reminded me of a quote by Mary VonEbner-Eschenbach: “In youth we learn; In age we understand.”  Today in my Oprah “Aha moment” I see that no matter how small your contribution is to pursue a purpose you believe in (for me, my little blog) you still have the capacity to make a stranger smile and even potentially piss-off the ignorant at the same time. And that makes my younger-self feel weightless and my present self feel very, very grateful for the capacity to finally understand.

 

 

 

 

 

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