Violet Blue is responsible for my healthy vulva.
It’s true. Years ago, when reading her fantastic site www.TinyNibbles.com, I came across an article she wrote on what women taste like. In it, she described how regular soap changes the pH in the vulva and can cause destruction of lactobacillus, the healthy bacteria your vulva needs to stay clean and healthy (vaginal pH = 3.8 – 4.5 vs. reg. soap pH = 7.0 – 14). I had been prone to infection and couldn’t figure out why (TMI?). Bingo! Changed my soap to all-natural and bacterial infections be gone! Violet, my vulva thanks you.
Violet Blue has accomplished a lot in her storied career; as a best-selling writer/journalist and educator, selling over 600,000 books for Cleis Press¹, being interviewed for; Oprah, Newsweek, MSNBC, The Wall Street Journal, NPR and more, as well as being the “go to” sex and tech columnist (those two go hand in hand right?) for giant tech sites like ZDNET, CNET and CBS News and for her own sex site Tiny Nibbles. She has won awards, her best-selling books have been translated into eight languages and has been named by Forbes Magazine as a “Web Celeb.”
Her latest book / sex guide, ‘Kissing: A Field Guide,” conquers the simplest, but most definitive ‘tell’ of a good lover … the kiss.
There is nothing like the expectation, anticipation and excitement of a first kiss. For some, it’s the best part of what could become a hot romance, a sweet flirtation or a steamy night of unadulterated sex. However, you might think “who needs a guide on kissing? I mean, come on … isn’t it instinct?” Uh, not necessarily.
How many of us have found ourselves locking lips with someone who is sucking the entire bottom hemisphere of our face into their mouth or whose kiss was so anemic, you wonder if they kissed you at all? I know I certainly have and at the time, if I had ‘Kissing: A Field Guide,’ Violet Blue’s outstanding new book on the art of the kiss, I might’ve rapped it on the head of my date, shoved it into his hands, and sent him packing until he learned a thing or two.
Violet Blue considers your mouth a sex organ, and I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I could argue that only slightly behind the brain and the skin, the manifestation of a seductive kiss is an omniscient window into your partner’s ability to read your body language, for you to read your partner’s instinctive sensual starting point and for both of you to discover your combined sensual style.
As many of you know, I’m a huge proponent of getting back to the sensual side of sex, and what better primer for that than this field guide. Short, sweet and fun to read, you can finish it in a sitting, but the information will sit with you for a lifetime. Some of it you may already know, but I bet most of you (like me) haven’t thought about kissing in the way Violet Blue has. For instance, I never knew that kissing someone’s closed eyes was a “thing.” At least not so much as to warrant being mentioned in this comprehensive guide. How many types of kisses do you instinctively give, that you’ve never thought about before? You might be surprised to see it it mentioned and explored further in this book. Including what you’d expect to see, like kinds of kisses, dos and don’t's, techniques and of course, how to’s, you’ll also find; how to build tension, different types of make-out approaches, and even inspirational movie suggestions as homework.
This is a library basic for every sensualist or novice. I loved this little gem of a book, which is relevant for teenagers all the way through centagenarians. I mean, who wouldn’t want to improve their kissing skills? With “Kissing: A Field Guide” you’ll go from good to great or from sexy to scintillating. You’ll never feel the need to practice on your hand again, and let’s face it – there are better things for your hand to do.
Making the First Move
The first kiss is often a make-or-break deal, where both of you find out if all this excitement is really what it’s cracked up to be. If the object of your desire doesn’t make the first move, getting up the courage to initiate the kiss is important, but equally crucial is how you kiss him the very first time. Your technique is everything here, because it communicates much more about you than words and gives him a direct indication of the passion that’s got you all fired up. It’s debatable whether you should French-kiss (with your tongue) when you kiss someone the very first time. Certainly, at the moment of contact, your tongue should remain within your mouth—but how the kiss progresses past that point is a matter of assessing the direction and flow of the kiss. If you press lips and are overcome with passion and crazy desire, you’ll find your tongues dancing within moments, seemingly without any permission from your brain. When that happens, you just have to go with it. And if your first kiss turns out to be the kind where he passionately grabs you and you both uncontrollably start dancing the tongue tango, no one will blame you for not following any first-kiss “rules.” But unless you’re crawling all over each other like love weasels on a hot summer night, keep that tongue in check until you’ve kissed three or four times, or until you‘ve been open-mouth kissing for several minutes.
First Kiss Do’s and Don’ts:
- Do smile a lot, even while kissing.
- Do keep eye contact.
- Do make sure you have nice breath.
- Do remember to come up for air.
- Do start slow.
- Do begin with small movements of the lips, head, body, and hands.
- If you make the first move, do pull back after the first kiss to gauge his or her response.
- Do keep your lips soft and the muscles relaxed—not hard or tight.
- Do keep your tongue in your mouth (see above).
- Do linger for a moment after the kiss. Especially for a smile.
- Do pay attention to where your noses are going and avoid a collision.
- Don’t approach the kiss with your mouth open.
- Don’t worry if you collide! Laugh and move in again slow.
- Don’t jam your tongue in his mouth.
- Don’t slobber!
- Don’t make yummy noises—yet.
- Don’t make overly loud kissing or “smacking” noises.
- Don’t let your hands wander.
- Don’t start off with bites or suction.
- Don’t rush—savor this moment, even if you’re nervous.
- Don’t worry about what you look like.
- Don’t attempt this kiss if you’re not feeling well.
- Don’t finish the kiss abruptly, even if you don’t like it.
- Don’t forget to breathe!
PURCHASE ‘KISSING: A FIELD GUIDE, BY VIOLET BLUE’
Violet Blue is the second most popular sex blogger in the U.S. Her blog, Tiny Nibbles (www.tinynibbles.com), gets 100,000 visitors a day. She has sold over 600,000 books and is Cleis Press’s number-one selling author. She currently lives in San Francisco, California
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¹Thank you to Cleis Press for sending me ‘Kissing: A Field Guide’ by Violet Blue, in exchange for my honest review.