Mar 212014

Kissing_hiresViolet Blue is responsible for my healthy vulva.

It’s true. Years ago, when reading her fantastic site, I came across an article she wrote on what women taste like. In it, she described how regular soap changes the pH in the vulva and can cause destruction of lactobacillus, the healthy bacteria your vulva needs to stay clean and healthy (vaginal pH = 3.8 – 4.5 vs. reg. soap pH = 7.0 – 14). I had been prone to infection and couldn’t figure out why (TMI?). Bingo! Changed my soap to all-natural and bacterial infections be gone! Violet, my vulva thanks you.

Violet Blue has accomplished a lot in her storied career; as a best-selling writer/journalist and educator, selling over 600,000 books for Cleis Press¹, being interviewed for; Oprah,  Newsweek, MSNBC, The Wall Street Journal, NPR and more,  as well as being the “go to” sex and tech columnist (those two go hand in hand right?)  for giant tech sites like ZDNET, CNET and CBS News and for her own sex site Tiny Nibbles. She has won awards, her best-selling books have been translated into eight languages and has been named by Forbes Magazine as a “Web Celeb.”


Her latest book / sex guide, ‘Kissing: A Field Guide,” conquers the simplest, but most definitive ‘tell’ of a good lover … the kiss.

There is nothing like the expectation, anticipation and excitement of a first kiss. For some, it’s the best part of what could become a hot romance, a sweet flirtation or a steamy night of unadulterated sex. However, you might think “who needs a guide on kissing? I mean, come on … isn’t it instinct?” Uh, not necessarily.

How many of us have found ourselves locking lips with someone who is sucking the entire bottom hemisphere of our face into their mouth or whose kiss was so anemic, you wonder if they kissed you at all? I know I certainly have and at the time, if I had ‘Kissing: A Field Guide,’ Violet Blue’s outstanding new book on the art of the kiss, I might’ve rapped it on the head of my date, shoved it into his hands, and sent him packing until he learned a thing or two.

Violet Blue considers your mouth a sex organ, and I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I could argue that only slightly behind the brain and the skin, the manifestation of a seductive kiss is an omniscient window into your partner’s ability to read your body language, for you to read your partner’s instinctive sensual starting point and for both of you to discover your combined sensual style.

As many of you know, I’m a huge proponent of getting back to the sensual side of sex, and what better primer for that than this field guide. Short, sweet and fun to read, you can finish it in a sitting, but the information will sit with you for a lifetime. Some of it you may already know, but I bet most of you (like me) haven’t thought about kissing in the way Violet Blue has. For instance, I never knew that kissing someone’s closed eyes was a “thing.” At least not so much as to warrant being mentioned in this comprehensive guide. How many types of kisses do you instinctively give, that you’ve never thought about before? You might be surprised to see it it mentioned and explored  further in this book. Including what you’d expect to see, like kinds of kisses, dos and don’t’s, techniques and of course, how to’s, you’ll also find; how to build tension, different types of make-out approaches, and even inspirational movie suggestions as homework.

This is a library basic for every sensualist or novice.  I loved this little gem of a book, which is relevant for teenagers all the way through centagenarians. I mean, who wouldn’t want to improve their kissing skills? With “Kissing: A Field Guide” you’ll go from good to great or from sexy to scintillating. You’ll never feel the need to practice on your hand again, and let’s face it – there are better things for your hand to do. ;)

Cleis Press and Violet Blue were generous enough to give Smut For Smarties an EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT for ‘Kissing: A Field Guide.’ Please to enjoy …


Making the First Move

The first kiss is often a make-or-break deal, where both of you find out if all this excitement is really what it’s cracked up to be. If the object of your desire doesn’t make the first move, getting up the courage to initiate the kiss is important, but equally crucial is how you kiss him the very first time. Your technique is everything here, because it communicates much more about you than words and gives him a direct indication of the passion that’s got you all fired up. It’s debatable whether you should French-kiss (with your tongue) when you kiss someone the very first time. Certainly, at the moment of contact, your tongue should remain within your mouth—but how the kiss progresses past that point is a matter of assessing the direction and flow of the kiss. If you press lips and are overcome with passion and crazy desire, you’ll find your tongues dancing within moments, seemingly without any permission from your brain. When that happens, you just have to go with it. And if your first kiss turns out to be the kind where he passionately grabs you and you both uncontrollably start dancing the tongue tango, no one will blame you for not following any first-kiss “rules.” But unless you’re crawling all over each other like love weasels on a hot summer night, keep that tongue in check until you’ve kissed three or four times, or until you‘ve been open-mouth kissing for several minutes.

First Kiss Do’s and Don’ts:

  • Do smile a lot, even while kissing.
  • Do keep eye contact.
  • Do make sure you have nice breath.
  • Do remember to come up for air.
  • Do start slow.
  • Do begin with small movements of the lips, head, body, and hands.
  • If you make the first move, do pull back after the first kiss to gauge his or her response.
  • Do keep your lips soft and the muscles relaxed—not hard or tight.
  • Do keep your tongue in your mouth (see above).
  • Do linger for a moment after the kiss. Especially for a smile.
  • Do pay attention to where your noses are going and avoid a collision.
  • Don’t approach the kiss with your mouth open.
  • Don’t worry if you collide! Laugh and move in again slow.
  • Don’t jam your tongue in his mouth.
  • Don’t slobber!
  • Don’t make yummy noises—yet.
  • Don’t make overly loud kissing or “smacking” noises.
  • Don’t let your hands wander.
  • Don’t start off with bites or suction.
  • Don’t rush—savor this moment, even if you’re nervous.
  • Don’t worry about what you look like.
  • Don’t attempt this kiss if you’re not feeling well.
  • Don’t finish the kiss abruptly, even if you don’t like it.
  • Don’t forget to breathe!



Violet_Blue_2007-06-02Violet Blue is the second most popular sex blogger in the U.S. Her blog, Tiny Nibbles (, gets 100,000 visitors a day. She has sold over 600,000 books and is Cleis Press’s number-one selling author. She currently lives in San Francisco, California

You can follow Violet Blue on …

Twitter: @VioletBlue  & @TinyNibbles   Facebook:   Web:

¹Thank you to Cleis Press for sending me ‘Kissing: A Field Guide’ by Violet Blue, in exchange for my honest review.

 Review by: Elle Chase

Feb 082013

575482_605174409498301_1794244505_nBy Sarah Stefanson      Originally published on


Chances are good that you are not using one of the best tools in your sexual arsenal to its full potential. This secret weapon is your mouth. We’re not just talking about oral sex here, although you should be giving her oral pleasure on a regular basis if you want to be a good lover, and we’re going to go beyond kissing on the mouth in this article, which you should have mastered by now if you want to kiss her anywhere else.

Your mouth can be applied to various other parts of her body by kissing, licking, nibbling, biting, and sucking. Anywhere you touch her with your hands will most likely feel even better when stimulated by a warm, wet mouth. When it comes to kissing women, some of their favorite places are obvious, while others are frequently overlooked.


The ears are an often-neglected area of the body that can be the site of intense pleasure for her and using your mouth is the best way to stimulate them. Gentle nibbling on the earlobe is a reliable way to send shivers down her spine, but you should also try lightly brushing your lips against her ear, which will rouse the soft, fine hairs there creating waves of tingly pleasure.

Back of the neck

One of the easiest and most dependable ways to get her in the mood is to place your mouth on the back of her neck. This works especially well if you take her by surprise. When she’s at the sink doing dishes or working on the computer, approach her quietly from behind, sweep her hair off the back of her neck and kiss her there. She will soon forget her task and want more.


There are few things more personal than kissing a woman on the face. Your warm, fuzzy feelings for her can be expressed by placing sweet, light kisses on her cheeks, forehead, jaw line, even her nose and closed eyelids. But don’t lick her face. Just don’t. It’s icky, not sexy. No biting either. Her face should be treated with tenderness and reverence.


While her clothes are still on, one of the most intimate places you can lay some kisses is along her collarbone. A woman’s exposed collarbone is sexy and your mouth on it makes her think of your mouth on more private parts of her body. So start off with kisses there before you move on to places you can’t reach while she’s fully clothed.


Her hips are more sensitive than you would guess. It could be because they are so close to the center of her physical pleasure. Whatever the reason, kissing, licking and nibbling at her hips will send currents of delight down to her toes and up to the top of her head. Don’t neglect this place she wants your mouth to be.


Putting your mouth on her breasts can be intensely sexy, but doing it wrong can turn her right off. Kissing, licking and sucking are all recommended and even some gentle biting can be acceptable as long as you take it easy. Her breasts are delicate, so don’t forget that you have to treat them appropriately. Unless she’s into hardcore S&M, hard sucking and biting are no-nos. Her breasts should not have bruises when you are done with them. Also, remember that her nipples are not the only parts that need some attention. Use your mouth all over her breasts for maximum effect.

No-go areas

No matter where your mouth ends up, it’s probably going to make her feel good. However, there are a couple body parts you should always get permission to apply your mouth to before exploring, including her feet and her bum. Some girls simply aren’t into having your mouth in these sensitive areas, so ask her before you go there. On the other hand, some girls would enthusiastically welcome some toe sucking or some tongue action down below. Find out where she stands and use your mouth accordingly.

Sarah Stefanson is a writer, editor and advice columnist for a variety of online magazines on subjects as varied as sex, relationships, fashion, women’s issues, travel, and autos. She and her boyfriend live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, where they are both working on novels.

Sep 082012


by The Sex Health Line

Women like to be touched on special places (not the ones, that you think). Our idea is to tell you which exactly are those areas.

After long research amongst psychologists has become clear, that women have secret areas, where they love to be touched. If you find them, this means green light for all men. The results of this exciting research are published in the American magazine Men’s Fitness. The steps, which we offer are not presented in any specific order, we’re just pointing them out:

First Step! You Must:
Slide your tongue from her bellybutton to THAT place (you know!). During all that time, touch and massage her thighs, especially on their inner side.


The zone between the love handles and the belly, with an intelligent stimulation directs the blood flow to the area, that promises that you’ll have a good time.

Second Step! You Must:

Stroke her back. Her back is very sensitive. If you touch her slowly and tenderly on her back, while having sex, she’ll feel very aroused.

If you slide your hands gently from her back to her butt – know that you’ve hit the bullseye.

Third Step! You Must:

Never let the sheets to be dirty. That’s valid for YOU too! Use a deodorant!


The smell receptors in her nose, and her center of pleasure in the brain are connected in a direct interaction. So don’t hope that your woman will like the smell of a real man, who smells like he has just finished running a marathon.

Fourth Step! You Must:

Listen! Your mind is the most important sex organ in the human body. Make sure there is romantic music. First, find out what the woman enjoys. Not all enjoy classical music, so do some research.


Studies show, that music can activate the same brain structures, that are active during sex.

Fifth Step! You Must:

Kiss her on the back side of her knees.


Every inch of the skin contains more than 2,500 receptors. So you can’t afford to ignore any inch. Keep in mind, that skin, that’s not in direct contact with the sun is very sensitive.

Sixth Step! You Must:

Gently massage her feet. After that massage each toe separately, paying a lot of attention to the middle finger, which has direct connection with the female sexual organs.


The lower part of the feet contains receptors, which influence the blood pressure, and the production of pleasure hormones.

Originally posted on The Sex Health Line

I concur with ALL of these tips BTW! xo LC

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