May 082014

I got to cross this off of my 2014 wish list!  I love me some Sex Nerd Sandra, (really, who doesn’t?) So when Sex Nerd Sandra called me, and asked if I could come in that afternoon to record a podcast, I had to squelch a nerdy, audible ‘chirp’ of delight.

We recorded 2 shows; one on ‘Big Beautiful Sex’ and another that came from a conversation Sandra and I were having about me taking a break from dating. The other half of this current episode of the Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast is her conversation with brilliant, sex-positive therapist, Kate Loree, LMFT who shares her insightful opinions on dating and making good choices. I learned a lot from listening to Kate, and I know you will too. So, even if you’re sick of me, check out Sandra and Kate’s half of the podcast you’ll be glad you did I promise. :)

Please to enjoy, HERE




For more on Sex Nerd Sandra:                                                For more on Kate Loree, LMFT:

Web:                                             Web:

Twitter: @SexNerdSandra                                                        Email:

Facebook:                  Facebook:


Mother’s Day Weekend 20% off site-wide sale.


Apr 242014
Originally Posted on  
images-3As usual, I drifted off to the True Crime channel at 3a.m. after stripping for 13 hours straight then L and I slept in a double bed in the Motel 6 off Highway 111 to save some dough. L sleeps exactly like me; I don’t even hear her breathe. She’s stiff and still and silent. We are like a couple of bruised dead dolls slathered with anti-aging eye cream, fantasizing about stalkers and sociopaths teeming in the parking lot below us, after our purses stuffed with stripper bills. But for once, that Motel 6 was quiet.

Our room was hot and stuffy in the morning and the door was stuck, so I used the wall for leverage and pulled hard. Outside, snow-capped mountains towered against a pristine blue sky. Palm trees lined a packed parking lot. I thought I recognized a customer from the club the night before, walking his dog on the lawn. He called me “Humboldt” all night then in a drunken stupor, asked me to be his Valentine.

Stripping has never flattered my real romantic relationships. It makes them look like fat neglect machines, poking holes in my pincushion heart. While guys in strip clubs shower me with easy, unconditional adoration, my real relationships are tense and difficult. Lately, I’ve been filling up my empty wallet and my emotional well with knee-jerk marriage proposals from strangers. I’m not saying it’s right, but I’m grateful to have found Desert Showgirls; at least, my ego is.

L is my stripper spirit guide. She knows where to go and I listen, pack my survival kit and hit the trail. Years ago, she swore by New Orleans, so after a bloody Mongol fist fight broke out at an Italian restaurant (that also illegally allowed us to strip) near Pasadena, I borrowed $200 for a one-way plane ticket and spent the next three years falling madly in love with NOLA and the clubs that embraced me there. Ever since then, I follow L’s lead. The best place to strip in LA is not in LA at all but near Palm Springs in a nondescript strip mall. Desert Showgirls is the Snickers Bar of strip clubs: Generic and dark on the outside, creamy gold mine on the inside. And like most places of ill repute, it’s near an adult video store and shares a parking lot with a suspiciously vacant cigar shop and a very good Mexican restaurant that keeps unpredictable hours.

A strip dancer performs for customers at the Mons Venus strip club in Tampa

Unlike San Francisco, dancing in LA has always sucked. After dropping the drunken girls off at their overpriced apartments in Hollywood, I wondered why I didn’t go put on a skirt and wait tables at Swingers instead. Actually, I knew why. I’m a terrible waitress, but a great stripper. The two jobs are similar but different. Both jobs require being nice to rude, demanding people and having superb listening skills. But, I have no instinct for that perfect balance of timing and attention to detail when it comes to serving food. However, I am acutely aware of other hungers: the desire to be desired and the need to be heard. And In twenty years of stripping, I’ve always been a night girl, never a day shift girl, but now I see the benefit of being the one girl on the floor at noon. Day shift guys are different. They seem sadder, sneaky and more stoned which can attract a strange breed of clientele, like Jerry, the man who cried while I gave him a lap dance.

No matter what time of day, strip clubs invite a heightened sense of suffering and affection, kind of like kissing the hand of someone dying; meeting their suffering head on and dancing with it, like last Saturday, when Jerry cried during our lap dance.

In issue #441 of The Sun, Janna Malamud Smith recalls psychoanalyst Jonathan Lear’s belief that we are “finite erotic creatures.” Meaning, we dangle on a tight rope between our “expansive desire and our inevitable death.” We Strippers shimmy to that tune. We experience the world through erotic movement and connection and that movement is towards our death.

Antonia AcraneAn older dude in a bright red sweatshirt kept calling me “honey.” He followed me around the empty club, so I had to deal with him.
It was about 4p.m. and he was shitfaced.
“Honey,” he growled. “I’m sixty-four years old. I’ve been to clubs all over the world. I saw Jim Morrison perform in public for the first time.”

“Oh yeah? Where was that?”

“The Rainbow Room. He was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Performing in public. What’s the matter, Honey. You too cool to dance for me?”

“I’m about to go on stage right now,” I lied. “You like Pink Floyd? Led Zeppelin or the Stones?”

“Oh, Miss Attitude is too cool, huh.”

A petite brunette finally joined me on the floor. I told her Jerry was looking to spend some money. She refused to talk to him. He stunk. He was rude. He was shitfaced.

“I’ll dance for him, so he’ll leave,” I said and pulled him into the VIP area, slightly worried he didn’t have enough cash on him to pay me.

He grabbed my hands when I took his glasses off his head.
“What is wrong with you?” I whispered, my mouth brushed his ear.

“I love women. Been married four times and they always leave me.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“I cheat. I get bored. I hate women.” Tears streamed down both of his cheeks.

I kept dancing and he kept crying. At the end of the song I said, “I’m not taking any more of your money, Jerry.”

“Keep dancing,” he said, still crying.

“Fuck you, Jerry. Go smoke.” I snatched his cigarettes, phone and his cocktail, his headphones and his wallet.

“Listen honey.”

“Get up. We’re going.” He over tipped me by fifty bucks and I walked towards the door where guys could duck outside and smoke.

The bouncer walked up to us. “Your cab’s here sir.” I kissed Jerry good bye on his wet cheek.

imagesAntonia Crane’s work has appeared in: The Rumpus,, DAME Magazine, Black Clock, SLAKE, Word RiotPANK, The Whistling Fire, The Coachella Review, Phantom Seed, Smith Magazine, Diverse Voices Quarterly and lots of other places. She holds an MFA in Fiction from Antioch University. She wrote a memoir about the sex industry and her mother’s illness: SPENT and is one of the editors of The Citron Review. She teaches Creative Writing to at-risk teens for Write Girl and Woodcraft Rangers. She lives in Los Angeles where she runs, tweets and blogs.  Check her out on … Twitter: @AntoniaCrane  Web:

Feb 102014
Outer Focus Photo/Brigette Sullivan

Ken Melvoin Berg … (swoon) … Ken Melvoin Berg …

“say it loud and there’s music play-ing,
                            … say it soft, and it’s almost like pray-ing”

I don’t break out the West Side Story for just anyone so you can probably guess I have a big, ol’ stupid, sloppy, dippy, awkward, sapiosexual, carnal college crush on Ken Melvoin-Berg. The kind of crush that makes even the most vivacious of personalities, clam -up, giggle and blush when he’s around. I thought I should come clean, right up front, before I go on and on about him, and before you finish his favorite things (you’ll see why). This way we’re all on the same page, and you can experience his list like I did, for the first time (giggle/blush) except I doubt you will giggle and blush at the end.

Ken Melvoin-Berg is one of the most interesting people you’ll come across. He is a sex-educator, entrepreneur, author, business owner, lecturer, consultant, co-host, psychic, psychic detective and proud Chicagoen. Yep, all those things.  I met Ken Melvoin-Berg at the same time I met his fiancee/partner, the incomparable sex educator, Sunny Megatron last year, right before they gave a G-spot and Female Ejaculation class at a the famous BDSM/Fetish shop, The Stockroom in Los Angeles. I’ve been smitten with both of them ever since.

Drinks after class with Ken Melvoin-Berg and Sunny Megatron

Drinks after class with Ken Melvoin-Berg and Sunny Megatron

Known in the sex education world as a consummate professional with expertise in all things kinky and sexy. Ken has a natural showmanship that feels part professorial and part carnival barker … and I mean that as a compliment. He is a sapiosexual’s dream, waxing philosophic on some erudite topic one minute and talking about Wartenberg Wheels whilst he twists his handle-bar mustache the next. This fully tatted, clown sex lovin’, PT Barnum of Sex Education and it doesn’t stop there. Ken co-hosts a web series on (what else) sex with Sunny called “Outside the Box with Sunny Megatron” on Inside Adult, he owns the lauded Weird Chicago Tours, where visitors and residents alike can enjoy excursion ranging from Chicago Ganster Tours to a Red Light District Tour. Ken has also co-written a book on Weird Chicago paranormals that you must check out. Yup, a renaissance man of the fringe. If you ever get a chance to check out Ken and Sunny’s sex ed classes, you should because they are as entertaining as they are informative … and they are VERY informative.


So here we go … 5 sex toys and a lube from the salacious and sexy, Ken Melvoin-Berg:



1. Fun Factory Cobra Libre: This is the best #1 go-to toy for men. The only problems with it are that people think it’s a space age vacuum cleaner and has a steep learning curve in understanding its uses. It seems short, but like my favorite game, just the tip is all you need. Turn on your favorite porn and the dual motors and rock out with your cock out.You can give yourself a handy or just grind itno it to get off. It is like a concave hitachi for people with cocks.


l_lr-10452. Tenga Fliphole Black If you ever wondered what Cthulhu’s vagina looks like, take off the outer case and open up. When it’s put back together apply your favorite lube, stick cock in hole, press the three buttons to massage your willy, repeat and blast your baby batter into the fliphole.




3. nJoy Pure Wand #1 Greg from nJoy invented this because he is a brilliant engineer and a perverted man, just like me. It’s the best multi-purpose toy on the market, You can get someone’s g-spot off and make her squirt, get your own p-spot massaged, and use it in hand-to-hand combat as a bludgeoning weapon.


SE-1375-20-34. Cal Exotics Silicone Jack Rabbit Ring: This toy is a slice of heaven, wrapped in bacon and dipped in chocolate. It has two motors that are strong enough to get you hard in seconds. Rest your flaccid man-meat on the ears like an armrest for wiener. In a few seconds, BOING! Boner city baby. Then use it during vaginal/anal penetration and the ears can actually stimulate both of you at once. Two birds, one stone. It’s the best cock ring on the market and a must have for all people with cocks.



ECKINKLY5. Lady Cheeky This scarlet haired temptress from the land of fuck is not really a toy, unless she wills it so. She can give the most amazing swirly things on your cock with her mouth, play your balls like a percussionist for a Mozart symphony, fuck you until your drained of all fluids, or at least that what it’s like in my head.



… and a lube

mmuNp0G4_esI24PrS8agJvAWicked Ultra Chill Silicone Lube: For dudes, lube is a toy. Wicked silicone lube is the best lube ever!! Silicone lube is mana from heaven. It is hypoallergenic, vegan, pH balanced as to not hurt your cock, lady parts or ass. The temperature additive is unlike any other, it won’t freeze your junk off like a polar vortex. Instead it’s like a cool breeze that whispers ,”Cum for me man-beast!” to your cock.

You can get more Ken Melvoin-Berg at:

Web: Weird Chicago Tours
Twitter: @Psychicken

and here’s his latest piece on Sunny’s website about Service Topping from the Bottom

… and check out Ken and Sunny talk about clown sex on the Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast,
Click on the pic!




For more on his sex ed classes with Sunny Megatron,
Click on the Pic!


The above photo of Sunny and Ken and the top photo of Ken by Outer Focus Photo/Brigette Sullivan




Dec 012013

Lick by Lick, Blow by Blow Oral Sex Kit by Lady Cheeky

Lady Cheeky, Redhead Bedhead, Lucky Bloke Team Up For Safer Sex Kits

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2013

Outside the Box: Reflections Glass Wand with Lady Cheeky

Big, Beautiful Sex with Lady Cheeky

Our Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013 –

Lady Cheeky on Her Sexual Awakening – Sex Is Back Campaign

10 Sexeellent Ideas: Pleasure Products Mavens Share Their Ideas … – AVN Magazine

Best Kinky Sex Blogs –

Best Sex Blog – LA Weekly Web Awards 2013

Sex In Words: The Hook-up Interview with Lady Cheeky

The Best of Tumblr Porn –

How Lady Cheeky Got Her Groove Back –

Sex and Happiness Show with Laurie Handlers – Discovering Sexuality After 40 – Internet talk Radio

Jane’s Guide Recommendation

Sex Industry Influencers and Thought Leaders Luxury Sex Toy Recommendations

Lady Cheeky’s Sex Satori –

Winner: True Tales of Erotica Competition


He Said, She Said: 10 Things We Wish Sex Ed Taught Us – Huffington Post

CatalystCon Continues to Ask Challenging Questions –

We Accosted Sex Experts With a Mic – Here’s What They Said –

Smaller Package, Better Lover? – Huffington Post




Dec 012013

Lick by Lick, Blow by Blow Oral Sex Kit by Lady Cheeky

Lady Cheeky, Redhead Bedhead, Lucky Bloke Team Up For Safer Sex Kits

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2013

Outside the Box: Reflections Glass Wand with Lady Cheeky

Big, Beautiful Sex with Lady Cheeky

Our Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013 –

Lady Cheeky on Her Sexual Awakening – Sex Is Back Campaign

10 Sexeellent Ideas: Pleasure Products Mavens Share Their Ideas … – AVN Magazine

Best Kinky Sex Blogs –

Best Sex Blog – LA Weekly Web Awards 2013

Sex In Words: The Hook-up Interview with Lady Cheeky

The Best of Tumblr Porn –

How Lady Cheeky Got Her Groove Back –

Sex and Happiness Show with Laurie Handlers – Discovering Sexuality After 40 – Internet talk Radio

Jane’s Guide Recommendation

Sex Industry Influencers and Thought Leaders Luxury Sex Toy Recommendations

Lady Cheeky’s Sex Satori –

Winner: True Tales of Erotica Competition


He Said, She Said: 10 Things We Wish Sex Ed Taught Us – Huffington Post

CatalystCon Continues to Ask Challenging Questions –

We Accosted Sex Experts With a Mic – Here’s What They Said –

Smaller Package, Better Lover? – Huffington Post




Nov 062013
sexinwords_logo_smallI first met Toronto area sex journalist Jon Pressick on online (of course) when his Tweet made me blush. I don’t remember the circumstance, but I know making me blush ain’t easy.


A fan of his popular sex blog SEX IN WORDS, I would often retweet /re-blog some (ok ALL) of what he posted on his site. We struck up a conversation, he interviewed me for his weekly feature “TheHook-up” and a friendship was born.
It’s not enough that Jon’s a sexual encyclopedia, but he is also an accomplished erotic Renaissance man. He’s a radio host, published erotica writer and anthologist/editor of Cleis Press’ “The Best Sex Writing” with his first of those anthologies coming out in 2015. He definitely qualifies as a “Smutty Smarty of Sex,” if anyone knows sexy accoutrements it would be Jon. So, for male-bodied folk … get a a pen and paper handy.
Here are Jon Pressick’s “Five Sex Toys and a Lube.”


Five Sex Toys …

Aslan Leather Harness: I’ve had this strap-on harness by Toronto’s own Aslan Leather for almost a decade and I imagine I’ll have it for a lot longer. These rigs are built to last and built for fun.

Fleshlight: I was very skeptical given the mass popularity. Call me silly, but I just didn’t imagine it would feel that good. It does feel that good. And so much better. Believe that hype.

Extra-Long Dog Leashes: We aren’t extensively into bondage, but when we do want to ‘tie one on,’ I like some flexibility and options of where and how we can bind each other on the bed. For a total $4 we have a leash on each corner of the bed. I am all about the DIY sex toys. Hence…

IKEA 3-Piece Wooden Utensils: Again, I’m all about the DIY. This 3-piece set of wooden tools: a spoon, a fork thing and a spatula thing. All three make for great little spanking scenes and all three give a different sensation.

Sex Butter: Another item I was skeptical of when I received a sample of for review. But now I’m moaning that I’m almost out and can’t quite afford the replacement cost. But I love the slippery, minty feel.

… and a lube.

Sliquid Natural’s Swirl Blue Raspberry: This lube is just amazing. I am not keen on scented oils or lubes but this one smells so nice. Very pleasant and not at all overpowering. And because it is Sliquid I get the bonus of it being water-based and glycerin and paraben free.

pressickJon Pressick is a Toronto-area writer whose focus is on sex and queer writing and issues. His mission is to disseminate positive, fun and informative sexual information.

Jon’s writing has appeared in Best Sex WritingCorset,,Quill & QuireGaietyXtrafab and many erotica websites. He writes regularly for his popular blog Sex In Words. He edited Met Another Frog’s first collection, Asses to Asses. He is the editor of Cleis Press’s Best Sex Writing series, and the long-time co-host and producer of the weekly radio show Sex City (CIUT 89.5FM). For his web and radio work, Jon was named The Naked Truth Adult Entertainment Award winner for Favorite Adult Journalist in 2010.

Jon has been Managing Editor of and In 2000, he co-founded the influential queer periodical TRADE: Queer Things. During TRADE‘s seven years of production, Jon focused on profiling and promoting sex- and queer-positive writers, activists, artists and creators. Jon subsequently authored the Choose Your Own Sex Adventure erotica story books. These two projects (and many more) contributed to Jon being named one of Broken Pencil‘s “50 People and Places We Love“—a who’s who of important indie folks in Canada.

Jon organizes the Toronto Erotica Writers and Readers Meetup and #TOsexbloggers Meetup.  He is a sought-after presenter at sex and sexuality events, where he has spoken about anal sex and prostate pleasure. He is a graduate of McMaster University and has a certificate in book publishing from Ryerson Polytechnic University. He has two daughters.

For more information: visit Sex In Words (http://www/, send an email ( or follow Jon on Twitter @sexinwords)

Oct 162013

“We’re All Perverts”: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality with Christopher Ryan

Published on Oct 14, 2013 by ReasonTV on YouTube

Humanist_March_Apr11.indd“If you look at us as a species, we’re not very impressive,” says author Christopher Ryan. “What we’re good at is forming complex social networks.”

Christopher Ryan sits down with Reason contributor Thaddeus Russell to discuss his book, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. Together with Cacilda Jethá, Ryan has written about the history of human sexuality and why we should fight against “socially imposed restrictions.” By looking at archaeology, primate biology, human physiology, and anthropological studies of pre-agricultural tribes from around the world, Ryan says we aren’t meant to be in life-long monogamous unions. Watch the video above as Russel and Ryan discuss desire, jealousy and the harmful consequences of repressing healthy sexuality.  About 27 mins.

Sep 302013

Scientists-Reveal-Average-Penis-Size-In-Recent-Studyby Melissa White       (originally posted in Huffington Post Women on 09/26/2013 5:55 pm)
Condom Expert, CEO & Founder of Lucky Bloke

(Check out my quote in this article!)

It truly is all about the size of the package — but not in the way that you might think.

It’s time to take a stand: regarding penis size, and what it means to be a sexually desirable man.

A large penis doesn’t make a man a great kisser, fill him with sensuality and passion, make his partner feel loved or safe – nor guarantee that he is a remotely competent lover.

It’s often ignored that the largest sex organ we have is our brain. The brain, which it happens, is also bombarded with distorted messaging on what makes a man, a man.

And it starts at an increasingly early age. The way men and their bodies are portrayed in mass media deeply affects their lives.

There are over a million men in the U.S. with serious eating disorders. Perhaps more revealing, is a figure from a recent UK study, which found 1 out of 3 men would sacrifice a year of their life in exchange for their ideal body.

I began speaking to men in my circle, as well as to Lucky Bloke customers, about these findings, and then took it to Facebook:

“Gentlemen, how many years would you be willing to sacrifice, in exchange for your ideal body? How many for your ideal penis?”

The responses given indicated …

To read the rest, click HERE

Sep 062013
Attractive young couple
By Lady Cheeky – Originally published on this site 9/27/2011
Dating in Los Angeles. I’m starting to realize it is the rare man who is actually a “gentleman.” Yes, I consider myself a feminist and a strong woman. But, I am also … a “lady.” I believe you can be both at the same time.  I want to believe that there are men out there who can appreciate a strong woman, who knows what she wants AND who likes to be treated like a “lady.”  By “lady” I don’t mean being treated with kid-gloves or holding back a curse word or two. I mean a gentleman who is genuine, kind, has manners and who truly feels it an honor to be spending time with his date …  and shows it.  The last couple of men I have gone out with (not including my FWB/Lover) it has been painfully obvious that they just want to hop into bed.  I think we all know that I am not opposed to that … IF the feeling/chemistry is right.  But,
 to be sitting across from someone who is trying every trick in the book to get you in the sack and then pouts when you politely redirect the conversation is disappointing, tiring, boring and frankly, disrespectful. I love heat of the moment sex,’ but I also love being treated as whole person in my sensuality and not just an evening’s  recreation. Who would? Sometimes, when I explain my philosophies on sex and what I do, I see a glazed look appear on their faces and the conversation becomes less finding out about me, but asking questions towards a goal of easy sex. Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels this way. Writer, Jessica Wakeman of the


website gives her view of what a “gentleman” is:

” … if I had to define it myself, this is what I’d say: A real gentleman is rare and is someone who treats everyone well—not just the chick he’s interested in. A gentleman is polite to everyone, thoughtful to everyone, considerate to everyone. Yes, a gentleman can be chivalrous, but that’s not the only qualification. Gentleman are chivalrous, but not all chivalrous guys are gentlemen. Most of all, if a guy boasts about what a gentleman he is, he probably isn’t one.- Jessica Wakeman, What Does Being A “Gentleman” Mean These Days?, – 7/20/09

It’s clear that the idea of what a “gentleman” is, is up for debate. However, one should always expect basic courtesies like table manners and certainly if he’s not polite to the valet or the dry cleaner or the waitress that’s a HUGE red flag and you should run the other way. But for me it doesn’t stop there. Where are the men that take pleasure in the art of seduction? The men that know it takes at least a week to seduce a woman (and even longer to woo her). The men that realize that a well-wooed woman is a thousand times more apt to provide reciprocal attention, than a woman whom he cajoles into bed. Men, we want to “see” you as well. Show us who you are. Let us in. We’re thirsty for it. We will, in turn, shower you with affection, passion and appreciation. Show us you are attracted to the whole woman – honor us –  and not just the pussy and tits. Take your time and you will win our hearts as well as our lustfulness. We want you as much as you want us. We want a life filled with passionate sex and intimacy that also has plenty of room for recreational fucking.
But …  Women need to feel that we are wholly yearned for. You must earn her desire. I mean, isn’t that the fun part for both of you anyway?  Isn’t it the tension-filled “dance” that precedes rich and satisfying passion?  We are sexual beings bursting with our own unique sensuality and we want to express it with you. And because of this, your restraint and (hopefully) authentic interest in us as individuals, even if we’re not relationship potential, is notice and appreciated.  Respecting our womanhood AND our personhood is truly valued. There is no set amount of time this process takes, all women are different .. but, I guarantee that after the proper “wooing,” sex with your new paramour will be more satisfying for both of you. Especially if the wooing and seduction are done thoughtfully, with pleasure and given generously.
That’s just my two cents :)  
Here are some articles/sites I enjoyed on the subject:
Aug 252013
Photo from:

Photo from:

This article originally appeared on 

For anyone who’s heard about Tantra and has been daunted by the complexities of this eastern art of lovemaking, you might want to consider starting with a Lingam massage.

In Tantra, the Lingam is the penis. In fact, in Sanskrit it means “a symbol of divine generative energy, esp. a phallus or phallic object worshiped by Shiva in the Hindu religion.”

The art of Lingam massage is not to bring the man to orgasm, but to let him relax and be the receiver of pleasure, hopefully achieving a higher state of consciousness. This act can strengthen the intimacy between you and your lover or build intimacy between new partners.

While a Lingam massage is best administered by a partner who is a trained and certified Tantra practitioner, we can pick up a couple of tips to add a unique and relaxing experience to your sexual repertoire.

Set the scene.

Forgo the bedside lamps and go for candlelight instead. Set the mood with relaxing music and incense to make the atmosphere extra exotic.

You’ll want to have an unscented, all natural oil for the massage and one or two hand towels close by. I suggest a high grade coconut oil that you can buy in any supermarket or health food store, as it can be used for both massage and lube. If you use a commercial massage oil with a scent, you’ll want to have some lube on hand for the main event, as some additives and scented essential oils can be irritating to that sensitive area.

Deliberate touch.

Ask your lover to lie down face up and close his eyes. Warming the oil in your hands, begin to spread the liquid over his entire body. As you are rubbing his body, set your intention to do this in the most loving and caring way.

Make believe you’ve never touched this person before and slowly explore every part of his body with each rhythmic stroke. These caresses will slow his heart rate, reduce any stress from the day and speed up the release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone,” which promotes feelings of well-being, trust and bonding.

Honor the Lingam.

Part of the mindset of a Lingam massage is honoring his penis. Think about how much trust it takes for a man to give up complete control of not just his penis, but his entire body to another person.  Respect this relinquishment and handle his body and his cock with the care and reverence it deserves. Intention is everything here. Again, the goal is not for him to orgasm (although that’s a lovely side benefit if he does), but to allow him to receive pleasure and tune into the sensual array of sensations his penis can experience.


“The important thing is to enjoy the process of giving him pleasure.”


Massage time.

When it comes time to massage his cock, make certain your hands are oiled or lubed.

For beginners, think of massaging his penis as if you were deconstructing a hand job. Do everything you might do in a hand job, but break up the actions and go much slower.

Try cradling his balls and massage in between his testicles. Rub his perineum while you gently stroke his shaft.

Concentrate on just the head of his cock. Use one hand like a “juicer” and gently move the other up and down his rod.

Really oil up your hands, put his dick in between your laced fingers and move up and down with a firm grip.

Take your interlaced hands above his corona (head of his penis) and even more firmly bring them down again, mimicking the opening to your vagina. Then watch his toes curl.

A full-body orgasm.

You could find that throughout the massage your partner might vary from hard to soft and everywhere in between. This is completely normal and has nothing to do with his level of enjoyment.

Continue your massaging, stroking, grazing and fondling of his cock. In fact, by “edging” (bringing him close to coming and then back down again over and over) his orgasm later, perhaps when both of you are having sex, this will make it more intense.

Some men report that they have a full-body orgasm. This is a powerful orgasm where he may also feel pulsing sensation in other parts of his body, like his torso, thighs and feet. Even others report a “heady” feeling of euphoria more profound and deep than they have experienced in orgasms past.

While there are way too many techniques to go over here, I highly recommend the book “Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms” by Jaiya and Jon Hanauer, as well as her companion DVD “Red Hot Touch: Genital Massage for Men.”

I have found Jaiya’s series of books and DVDs to be the best for beginners. They offer a more in-depth explanation into the specific technique of Lingam massage.

Whatever happens when you decide to give him your version of a Lingam massage, the important thing is to enjoy the process of giving him the pleasure of a new and enticing way to experience his sexuality.

Regardless of whether this becomes a part of your regular routine or just something you try once or twice, I’m certain it won’t be something he will soon forget.

Ladies, have you ever given your man a massage like this? Do you feel like it’s something you want to incorporate into your love life?

For more on this subject, I recommend the following book and DVD’s all by JAIYA:



  Red Hot Touch  – Book






  Genital Massage for Men – DVD







  The Best of Penis Massage - DVD

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