Mar 222014
 

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  1. When going to a swinger’s retreat, make certain your partner isn’t packing a tiny, leather, Borat-style “unikini” to wear at the poolside fashion show.
  2. Being “in love” and being “in lust” are both very disparate and different things that deceptively, can seem like one and the same.
  3. Sex is messy. You’ll need a towel.
  4. When dating a married man, never cling to the statistic that 1% of men having an affair will leave their wives for their mistress. Because no matter what he says, for every King Edward VIII who abdicated the throne for the woman he loved, there are 25 Joey Buttafuccos and you’re dating number 24.
  5. Gentlemanly manners, a good upbringing and general social skills should never be underestimated.
  6. Tattoo this Maya Angelou quote on the inside of your eyelids. “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
  7. Though it might seem obvious, always query a date about the circumstances in which he lives. If he resides in a storage facility with no indoor plumbing and a Porta-Potty he cleans himself, chances are you’ll be doing all the driving.
  8. Guys you meet on a fetish-dating site will never care if you haven’t dusted before they come over or the bed isn’t made. Don’t stress it. You’re mother will NOT be turning over in her grave (at least not because your house isn’t spotless).
  9. Cigarettes, role-playing your True Blood fantasy character on Twitter and bucketloads of Xanax are not a new lifestyle regime, they are a red flag.
  10. Contrary to what they may have you believe, the man with a 12-inch dick is not going to be the best sex you ever had. Two words: bruised cervix.
  11. Approximately, one out of every five men you sleep with will be as good in bed as they think, or say they are.
  12. It’s less important to a man what your body looks like than how you feel about it and what you do with it.
  13. This may seem obvious, but never divulge the web address of the erotica and porn blogs you run on the first couple of dates. It sets up unrealistic expectations.
  14. Only wax your vulva if it makes YOU feel better. If your lover suggests he’d like to see you with smooth genitalia, tell him you’d like him to go first.
  15. Going to bed alone at night isn’t nearly as lonely as going to bed next to someone you’ve grown apart from.
  16. When online dating, no matter how hard you work at making your profile accurate, smart, witty and pithy you will always get responses from 23 year old, trade students who wear their baseball caps sideways and think common texting abbreviations are what constitute an irresistible opening email.
  17. Sexual chemistry and passion are inextricably linked, however it can take many different forms, come in many different packages and isn’t always instantaneous. If he doesn’t light your fire after 3 dates, he never will.
  18. Social media is great place to learn how to flirt with abandon.
  19. It takes at least a week to properly seduce a woman.
  20. Never reschedule time with friends for a date. Your friends are your gold. The date can wait.

 

*Excerpt from my erotic memoir “A View From a Broad”

Jan 172014
 
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aka Lady Cheeky  

I happen to live in Los Angeles where being over a size 8 is a felony. This can be depressing when I am searching for a cute bathing suit or a stylish pair of jeans in a city that considers the ‘norm’ a size 2. At those times I like to remind myself that the average dress size for women across America and the UK is a size 14 and that a size 2 is more an aberration than the norm. However, it’s disappointing to note that at size 14, those average women are also considered “plus size”, labeling them in a category that, in this media ridden age, might send a woman’s ego to the back of the proverbial bus. This size stereotyping (especially in metropolitan cities like Los Angeles and New York City) can compound the list of reasons why single “plus size” woman are intimidated by dating and sex.

I have found that a lot of my single friends complain they can’t find a nice guy or even a good lover. When I suggest online dating, taking a class or going to events to meet a guy, I almost universally hear “maybe when I lose some weight” as the first excuse not to engage. It seems that no matter what we look like, women are always first to dissuade themselves from dating by knocking their perceived physical shortcomings. This kind of dysmorphic thinking doesn’t discriminate it seems, women of all shapes and sizes do it. Though being a “plus sized” woman has its challenges, dating shouldn’t be one of them. In fact, as a plus sized woman myself, I had to get past my own mental lambasting and take a leap of faith, even though at the time I still hated my body. It’s not easy to do but it IS possible.

When I made the decision to start dating again after my divorce, I had to examine my history with my body image. My whole teen and adult life I was lead to believe, through society, other women and some really immature boys, that my body was “less than” because it had more lumps, bumps and curves than the women portrayed in television, film, advertising, fashion magazines (including Seventeen magazine which can be horribly destructive to a young woman’s ego) and the like. Add to that the unconscious conditioning I received from my well-meaning mother and I was set up to fail.

I thought about all the women this kind of conditioning affects, as most women do not have “perfect” bodies and have even less perfect body images. It was interesting to me that regardless of size, all the women I knew loathed portions, if not all of their bodies. Not only does this affect quality of life in general, it substantially affects a healthy sex life. So what can we, as women, do to begin to accept the parts of us that we have heretofore shamed ourselves into hating?

Rebecca Jane Weinstein, Lawyer, Social Worker and Author, was told by her grandmother at nine years old that no man would ever love her because she was fat. So started Ms. Weinstein on her journey of figuring out her womanhood on her own. She relates her pilgrimage to satisfying sex in her book Fat Sex: The Naked Truth.  I asked Ms. Weinstein what her advice would be to plus-sized women who are trying to feel more confident sexually. Here is her answer:

“In interviewing the many large sized women I have about body image and sexuality, I have found a common thread.  When a woman feels sexy, she projects sexy, and men (or other women) find her sexy.  This seems almost simplistic, and it is, in a sense.  Perception is everything, particularly self-perception.  What is not simplistic is coming to that realization and then internalizing those feelings.  Women seem to find that place in themselves two ways.  First is personality.  Some of us are just lucky to have an inner core of confidence that has no clear genesis.  It just exists.  But even women who aren’t so lucky to be somehow born with the “I feel sexy” gene, seem to be able to learn to feel sexy.  The key is listening and believing when you are told you are attractive and that someone is attracted to you.  So often we are told such a thing, and every available evidence supports it (like there is a person lying next to us in a bed), and yet we don’t believe it.  We must overcome that disbelief.  It is not easy when all the societal messages tell us fat is not sexy.  But those messages come from disreputable sources – mostly people trying to sell us stuff.  They want us to feel badly about ourselves so we will buy diets and cosmetics and clothing and medical procedures.  Those people are liars.  The ones telling us the truth are sharing our beds and our hearts.  It is them we must believe.  And the truth is, even if there is no one giving those positive messages, telling ourselves works too.  When you feel sexy, you project sexy, and others find you sexy.  It’s not so important how you tumblr_mfma65kGMu1rrgft7o1_500get there, but that you get there.”

She’s right.

I had a lover once with whom I had some of the most erotic, connected, exciting and sensual sex of my life (some of our exploits are detailed on my erotica site www.smutforsmarties.com) and I was considered plus-sized at the time. Though I felt confident that he wanted me, I still didn’t feel comfortable in my body. Still, before our first tryst I panicked about how he would react to actually seeing me naked.  Would he still want me when he saw my overflowing stomach and flabby thighs? I was terrified.

When we first got together I was so ashamed of my physique that I kept my nightie on thinking “maybe he won’t notice my fat.” Though, in contrast to what the little devil on my shoulder was whispering in my ear (“you’re disgusting,” “you should be ashamed to think he wants you”,) my lover couldn’t have been more effusive and complimentary about how seduced he was by my body. He continued to sincerely voice how attracted to me he was, yet I kept that nightie on for two months until I “believed” he was really yearning for me. What in the world did he have to do to get me to believe him? The answer is “nothing.” The issue was with me and my own narrative about my body. I used the shame and the humiliation I took on from others’ opinions about body size during my childhood and young womanhood to inform my ability to receive full pleasure in the moment. What a shame.

Later on in our relationship, figuring a bigger gal was his bag, I brought up the subject of a woman’s body type and asked him if he had always been attracted to plus-sized women. For me, his answer was revolutionary. My lover explained that body shape or size had nothing at all to do with his attraction to a woman. To him, a woman’s physical appeal (among other things like chemistry, personality, intelligence, etc.) was based on how sexual/sensual the woman was. He continued, that when a woman felt she was a sensual being and was confident about her sexuality, that it drove him wild. “I could be lying in bed with a supermodel but if she didn’t own her own sexuality I would be completely limp,” he said. Furthermore, the men he knew in his life felt the same way. He continued by saying that those same men were often frustrated with the fact that women in general don’t own their bodies and often let it get in the way of “letting go and enjoying the moment.”  Again, revolutionary to me. I thought back to when I was praying he wouldn’t notice my fat and thought “Wow. If I were just able to let go and take in that he was having sex with me because he WANTED to and was ATTRACTED to me, I would have enjoyed myself so much more.”  The change needed to start with me.  I needed to give myself a break. If it was true that he found me physically attractive then it was equally true that other men would as well. It was clear, I needed to start accepting my body as is, otherwise I would be living a lonely existence waiting for the day I would be happy with my body … and that day will never come. This was evidenced by my smaller framed friends who had a litany of complaints about why men wouldn’t find them attractive. Again, the unrealistic body dysmorphia rears its ugly head no matter WHAT you look like.

Pamela Madsen, who wrote the book Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner says “If you work on embracing who you are – every single day just like a religious practice – things will change in your world.” I completely agree. No more negative self-talk … ever.

So here’s the deal … I’m not going to tell you to look in the mirror and say affirmations that you’re beautiful and sexy or tell yourself “I love you the way you are;” that’s too big a jump. What I AM telling you is that if you can’t muster up something nice to think about yourself, at least say something factual and neutral like,  “this is the way I look and that’s that.” It’s accurate and at the same time makes you accept yourself the way you are. Once you have that under your belt move on up to “I look pretty good today” etc, but wait until you believe it.  The point being, you are never to put yourself down. And if you can’t compliment yourself, then at least say something objective, something you can believe.

The next step would be to start to become more comfortable in your body sexually … as it is right now. Whether you’re plus-sized or not, I highly recommend you read the aforementioned book  Fat Sex: The Naked Truth by Rebecca Jane Weinstein. She’s plus sized, smart and has the experiences to back up what she preaches. Her book will feed you stories of women (and men) who feel the same or worse about their bodies and will inspire you.  Reading the stories of how others achieved their positive body image and started enjoying sex will help you get used to the notion that there are other people out there (perhaps even larger than you are) that have found their inner sex gods and goddesses.

There are also a plethora of body image and sex positive websites at your fingertips. One of my favorites is Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross’ website www.dodsonandross.com that has a wonderful DVD called Bodysex Workshop. This DVD teaches women not only how to feel good about their sexuality but shows REAL women with REAL bodies “taking care of business” (if you know what I mean.)  Other validating websites to check out: I Feel Myself http://www.Ifeelmyself.com which feature women from all over the world masturbating to orgasm. It’s liberating watching women of all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds enjoying the sexual pleasure that is their right. Pamela Madsen’s blog Being Shamelesswww.beingshameless.com offers Pamela’s words of wisdom on the spiritually based “sacred sexuality movement” and body image.

Kelly Shibari on the set (courtesy of Kelly Shibari)

Kelly Shibari on the set (courtesy of Kelly Shibari)

If you are feeling frisky, even the porn world has something to offer. The multitude of amateur porn online also affords us the opportunity to watch women who look like us engaging in hot sex.  There are even porn sites dedicated to plus sized nude models like (my favorite) London Andrews and very popular plus sized porn star Kelly Shibari. There’s also “feminist porn” (also known as women’s porn or couples porn) brought to us by pioneers in the field like Candida RoyalleErika Lust and Tristan Taormino. This type of porn is made by women for women (and men) who enjoy a more sensual story and a focus on the woman’s pleasure as well as the man’s. Checking out this kind of porn might make you feel more a part of “the club” than traditional porn where the focus is mainly on the man’s gratification while they screw thin women with fake boobs (not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that).

Poor body image doesn’t doesn’t have to be debilitating. Your sexuality is part of who you are as a woman and human being and the plus sized woman should take steps to start empowering herself as an erotic, sexual being … every woman should, really. If we can divorce our self-loathing (while we work on it, of course) from our sensual selves, then dating or sexual expression doesn’t have to be tied into body image and as a result, we can work on accepting ourselves while at the same time experiencing sexual pleasure.

Since I have accepted my body “as is,” not only have I had no problem finding men that find my me and my body sexy but I’ve been allowing myself to have some of the best sex of my life. I have come to understand and believe that sexual pleasure is not just meant for the “beautiful” and the “hard-bodied,” it’s a natural enjoyment that is your right as a human being. So take back that right. Ignore the messages from people, agencies and corporations trying to make you feel “less than” and take back control of what is inherently yours.

Originally published on www.EvolvedWorld.com, Sept. 2012

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FANTASTIC FOR ANYONE WITH ‘REACH’ ISSUES!
The Sport Silicone G-Spot Dildo is the ideal medium sized toy. Sleek with a head that is just enough, without being too much. The extra length allows you more stroke. Made of Tantus’ 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone.

Jan 172014
 
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Maggie Mayhem

This list and it’s original title “50 Things I’ve Been Meaning To Say About Sex” originally appeared on www.MissMaggieMayhem.com on November 8, 2013.  If you don’t know who Maggie Mayhem is, you should – in my opinion she is one of the great minds of the sex-positive movement. I loved this list so much I wanted to share it with you. Read them.  Print them. Memorize them. Share them with everyone you know and visit her site and her Tumblr often.  So, with permission from Miss Mayhem here is a re-print of “50 Things I’ve been Meaning to Say About Sex. by Maggie Mayhem”   xo LC

 

 

 

  1. There is no easy set of steps for giving or receiving pleasure.
  2. There is no finish line.
  3. Your triumphs and your traumas will impact your sexuality.
  4. Sex itself can be a source of triumph and trauma.
  5. Hydration really does make a difference.
  6. There will be plot twists.
  7. Your sexual preferences may not match your needs or opportunities for pleasure.
  8. Sometimes the most skillful application of touch won’t do what a single caress or glance from someone you are centered upon can do.
  9. It’s more than active or passive. You can be actively-passive and passively-active in sex.
  10. You may summon something you weren’t prepared to receive.
  11. You will experience cognitive dissonance.
  12. You are more beautiful than you know.
  13. You are not entitled to your partner’s sexual backstory. It’s their choice to share.
  14. It’s fucked up to make someone feel bad about their body and how it works.
  15. Take time to breathe.
  16. Sometimes you will be terrified.
  17. Humans have sex for reasons that include but are not limited to pleasure or procreation.
  18. Be prepared for fluids.
  19. You will shed many sexual skins over your lifetime.
  20. Blood sugar really makes a difference.
  21. Using sex as a weapon is when you unilaterally commandeer someone’s body for your use, not when you are soliciting sexual attraction.
  22. Feeling fascinated or attracted to someone does not entitle you to their time and attention.
  23. Things may not meet expectations.
  24. Orgasms are just one piece.
  25. No one else is an authority on your sexuality.
  26. Sometimes you will be confused.
  27. Sometimes you will find ecstasy in the orgiastic, sometimes in the ascetic.
  28. The power of sex to hurt and to heal demands our respect.
  29. Sex is more than what we will ever say about it.
  30. There is no default state of sexual consciousness.
  31. You will find times when words will utterly fail you.
  32. What your body does may not be congruous with your desire.
  33. Context is key.
  34. Sex can be both a source of empowerment and dis-empowerment.
  35. The experience of another may offer wisdom or perspective but it might not be applicable to your life.
  36. An orgasm does not always mean pleasure.
  37. You may run into people who treat you as an inferior version of their projection of you.
  38. There are many different motivations to have sex.
  39. Implemental sex is neither greater nor lesser than non-implemental sex.
  40. The hottest thing in the world might not turn you on anymore.
  41. The value placed upon any given sex act or object is relational rather than intrinsic.
  42. Random causes should not be confused with essential facts.
  43. Your props of sexual summoning will change over time.
  44. Sexual union on non-physical planes exists.
  45. No element of sex is compulsory.
  46. Consciously changing your breathing patterns will change your experience of sex.
  47. Sex can be an instrument of knowing.
  48. Sexual definitions will fail to contain their referents.
  49. There’s really no such thing as an expert on sex.
  50. I don’t endorse everything I’ve said or thought about sex, not even this list.

 

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Jan 092014
 

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We were delighted to have sex educator Lady Cheeky at our Los Angeles store last night, teaching her body positive workshop Big Beautiful Sex. She shared her insights about overcoming fat-shaming, building sexual confidence, and finding the toys and positions that work best for your body. The workshop was such a big hit that we want to share the highlights with all of you!

Tips for Learning to Feel Sexy

Remember this: ”The person there with you in the room – they want to be there.”

“To feel better about having sex, you have to have sex.” Notice how confident you are while you’re afterglowing, and bask in that confidence.

Take time to touch the parts of your body that you normally want to hide in ways that feel pleasurable.

If you look in the mirror and think that you look ugly, replace that with a neutral observation: “I have red hair.”

Try going to a Korean spa. Everyone is walking around naked: you get to just be another body.

Notice how you judge other people’s looks. Try to be more compassionate in your thoughts. You’ll train yourself to be nicer to yourself.

Finding Your Favorite Toys

Try a longer toy that gives you some extra reach:

- The Magic Wand Original is an unbeatably powerful vibe.

- The Njoy Pure Wand may look like “a Star Trek torture device,” but it’s everyone’s favorite G-spot/prostate toy.

 

To read the rest, CLICK HERE

Dec 112013
 
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Originally published on 12/4/13  sabrinamorgan.tumblr.com

We have a real problem with our sex educators and writers getting booted off of sites like Facebook and LinkedIn, and having their funds frozen by processors like PayPal, because of these companies’ refusal to touch the erotic. Specifically, perceived status as a (current or former, as PayPal clarified to me in a phone call) sex worker or association with erotic materials (such as an erotica Tumblr; let’s not even start on porn) is license to shut down our educators.

This is being unevenly applied. If you’re a male sex educator, or are commonly read as masculine, you are less likely to have this issue because of the false assumption that men aren’t sex workers. (Male sex educators and sex workers still have this issue, to be clear.) If you’re a female sex educator, or are perceived as one, you are more likely to be assumed to be a sex worker.

If you’ve thought that working strictly as a sex educator meant that sex worker stigma wasn’t your issue, let this be a wake-up call. Unless we take pleasure out of sex education – which is a losing game – we will keep having our platforms knocked out from under us due not only to discomfort with sex, but discomfort with the erotic pleasure principle, and with the possibility of sex work.

Educators such as Nina Hartley, Buck Angel, and Jessica Drake use porn as a platform to reach many who might not otherwise seek out sex and pleasure education. Lots of sex educators have backgrounds in the erotic professions that inform their work as sex educators. When we’re too scared to defend sex work, because it’s not our battle, because there’s a legal gray area we’re scared to touch, we’re saying it’s okay to let the sex workers – our front-line sex educators – take the bullets as long as we get to play the game. And we get to play the game only as long as we play it safe.

Playing it safe means being afraid to show what it is that we’re teaching. Playing it safe means we can’t make our material too erotic or explicit or we’ll lose our billing. Playing it safe means knowing our client needs to see a sex worker but being afraid to make the referral because of what it might mean for us professionally.

We all do it. And we can all be braver. Because it is our fight. Sex work is under assault because it’s both sex and work. When we work in sex, however we work in sex, we brush up against that stigma. If we want sex to be taken seriously on our watch, we have to commit to standing up for access to sex education and health, for pleasure, and for treating all of the sexual professions with respect.

images-2Sabrina Morgan is a sex worker’s rights advocate as well as a sex educator and relationship coach. Fascinated with the places where society and sexuality intersect, she began practicing kink-focused work in 2005 and has been speaking and presenting workshops on dating, sexuality, and the intersection of sex, gender, and human rights issues since 2009.

Her work as a professional switch allowed her to work with others’ sexuality in a very personal way, giving her a deft sensitivity to the needs of those exploring new facets of their sexual selves and an understanding of the importance of sex and relationship education for adults.

A firm believer in continuing education for all adults exploring sex and relationships, she has presented at SXSW, the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit 2013, Toronto’s Playground Conference 2012 & 2013, CatalystCon East and West 2012 & 2013, Momentum 2011 & 2012, BIL 2012, the San Francisco Sex Worker Fest, and Sex 2.0 2009 & 2010. She offers group workshops, distance classes, and has shot educational videos for both Kink Academy and Passionate U.

Individual and couples’ coaching is available through her site.

Dec 012013
 
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Lick by Lick, Blow by Blow Oral Sex Kit by Lady Cheeky

Lady Cheeky, Redhead Bedhead, Lucky Bloke Team Up For Safer Sex Kits

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2013

Outside the Box: Reflections Glass Wand with Lady Cheeky

Big, Beautiful Sex with Lady Cheeky

Our Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013 - Kinkly.com

Lady Cheeky on Her Sexual Awakening – Sex Is Back Campaign

10 Sexeellent Ideas: Pleasure Products Mavens Share Their Ideas … – AVN Magazine

Best Kinky Sex Blogs – DatingAdvice.com

Best Sex Blog – LA Weekly Web Awards 2013

Sex In Words: The Hook-up Interview with Lady Cheeky

The Best of Tumblr Porn – Salon.com

How Lady Cheeky Got Her Groove Back – GramPonante.com

Sex and Happiness Show with Laurie Handlers – Discovering Sexuality After 40 – Internet talk Radio

Jane’s Guide Recommendation

Sex Industry Influencers and Thought Leaders Luxury Sex Toy Recommendations

Lady Cheeky’s Sex Satori – TheRumpus.net

Winner: True Tales of Erotica Competition

QUOTED:

He Said, She Said: 10 Things We Wish Sex Ed Taught Us – Huffington Post

CatalystCon Continues to Ask Challenging Questions – GramPonante.com

We Accosted Sex Experts With a Mic – Here’s What They Said - Kinkly.com

Smaller Package, Better Lover? – Huffington Post

 

 

 

Dec 012013
 
images-1

Lick by Lick, Blow by Blow Oral Sex Kit by Lady Cheeky

Lady Cheeky, Redhead Bedhead, Lucky Bloke Team Up For Safer Sex Kits

Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2013

Outside the Box: Reflections Glass Wand with Lady Cheeky

Big, Beautiful Sex with Lady Cheeky

Our Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013 - Kinkly.com

Lady Cheeky on Her Sexual Awakening – Sex Is Back Campaign

10 Sexeellent Ideas: Pleasure Products Mavens Share Their Ideas … – AVN Magazine

Best Kinky Sex Blogs – DatingAdvice.com

Best Sex Blog – LA Weekly Web Awards 2013

Sex In Words: The Hook-up Interview with Lady Cheeky

The Best of Tumblr Porn – Salon.com

How Lady Cheeky Got Her Groove Back – GramPonante.com

Sex and Happiness Show with Laurie Handlers – Discovering Sexuality After 40 – Internet talk Radio

Jane’s Guide Recommendation

Sex Industry Influencers and Thought Leaders Luxury Sex Toy Recommendations

Lady Cheeky’s Sex Satori – TheRumpus.net

Winner: True Tales of Erotica Competition

QUOTED:

He Said, She Said: 10 Things We Wish Sex Ed Taught Us – Huffington Post

CatalystCon Continues to Ask Challenging Questions – GramPonante.com

We Accosted Sex Experts With a Mic – Here’s What They Said - Kinkly.com

Smaller Package, Better Lover? – Huffington Post

 

 

 

Nov 272013
 
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Cheeky-480x640px

Who says you have to be skinny to have the best sex of your life? Whether it’s media and advertising images of “perfect” bodies or snarky comments about our weight, fat-shaming is all around us, and it can get in the way of our sexual confidence and pleasure. In this workshop, which combines lecture and discussion, body-positive educator Lady Cheeky talks about attitudes (both external and internal) that can hold us ba

ck from great sex and specific challenges we face as plus-sized lovers. You will learn skills – from communication tools to the best toys, techniques and positions – to help you embrace your sexuality and have big, beautiful sex.

 

The Pleasure Chest – Los Angeles
7733 Santa Monica Blvd.
West Hollywood, CA 90046
323-650-1022
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
8:00pm – 10:00pm
FREE!!

 

Check out the other amazing workshops at the Pleasure Chest!
Twitter: @PleasureChestLA
Facebook: TPCLA

the_pleasure_chest_logo_08-1

Nov 272013
 
the_pleasure_chest_logo_08-1

Cheeky-480x640px

Who says you have to be skinny to have the best sex of your life? Whether it’s media and advertising images of “perfect” bodies or snarky comments about our weight, fat-shaming is all around us, and it can get in the way of our sexual confidence and pleasure. In this workshop, which combines lecture and discussion, body-positive educator Lady Cheeky talks about attitudes (both external and internal) that can hold us ba

ck from great sex and specific challenges we face as plus-sized lovers. You will learn skills – from communication tools to the best toys, techniques and positions – to help you embrace your sexuality and have big, beautiful sex.

 

The Pleasure Chest – Los Angeles
7733 Santa Monica Blvd.
West Hollywood, CA 90046
323-650-1022
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
8:00pm – 10:00pm
FREE!!

 

Check out the other amazing workshops at the Pleasure Chest!
Twitter: @PleasureChestLA
Facebook: TPCLA

the_pleasure_chest_logo_08-1

Nov 202013
 
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MEETING KRISTINA WRIGHT
by Lady Cheeky

I met Kristina Wright in Washington DC last year when we were both reading stories at Rachel Kramer-Bussel’s special one-night only, In the Flesh Reading Series of erotica evening at CatalystCon East. We met in a common way one meets others at a convention …  walking through the convention hall on the way to the elevator after a session. She looked familiar so I smiled, hoping I looked familiar too and she could remind me where we met. She smiled back, looked at my badge and said “Lady Cheeky? I follow you.” Ever since Twitter became a “thing”  the phrase “I follow you” has become the modern version of complimentary social recognition. I looked at her badge and recognized her name, not as the prolific writer and anthologist that she is known as, but as someone which whom I had shared fun tweets in the past. I knew I liked her online and now meeting her in person, with her easy smile and warm poise, I liked her even more.

We struck up a conversation consisting mainly of repartee and conference chit-chat.  I learned that she was a writer (“I’m a writer too!”) and that she was reading a story at Rachel Kramer Bussel’s  In the Flesh Reading Series event that evening (“I’m reading at In the Flesh too!”) and I thanked the Goddesses above that I had someone cool to sit next to. Truth be told, I was terrified to be reading my story in front of people. I had impulsively volunteered to be a reader that day, intentionally too fast to let my fear dictate my decision. My story was true and still a little raw as I was supposed to meet the subject of my lust (and love) on this particular trip, but we had broken it off for the final time 3 days before. Now I was going to read an emotional, sexually explicit story to a roomful of erotic literary legends … not the least of which I had just unknowingly met in the elevator mentally assigning her as my “social anxiety buddy.” Poor Kristina didn’t know what she was in for.

That evening I entered the assigned ballroom and grabbed a seat. Kristina walked in shortly after and before I could commandeer her to sit next to me, she was already putting her jacket on the seat to my right.  We chit-chatted and I told her a bit about my fears of reading, being a newbie in this sea of cultivated wonders, of hoping my voice didn’t shake or I didn’t profusely sweat, cry or vomit enough as to be distracting. She laughed with me and comforted me … acknowledged her own uneasiness with reading and convinced me I would be fine and more importantly, safe.

The evening began as Rachel Kramer Bussel (a literary giant in her own right) introduced the authors and highly respected sex educators; Reid MihalkoJoan Price, Carol QueenEmerald … and then Kristina Wright. When Rachel read Kristina’sbio I was stunned. Only then did I realize I was basically sitting next to the Joyce Carol Oates of erotica.  Prolific, awarded, published in over 80 anthologies and the editor of countless others, it was clear Kristina was particularly respected and revered and as she read her story it was clear why. Kristina’s writing style is restrained enough to be classic and yet detailed enough to be captivating. For a writer of any genre, one needs to self edit, constantly making certain that every word earns its way in. This is a painstaking task and a part of writing that often discourages and separates the wheat from the chaff. This is especially true (in my humble opinion) of good erotica and romance writing as that category seems to sit at the children’s table of the literary world.

Erotica and romance writers need to be that much better, so as not to cement a stereotype of erotica as salacious pulp fiction. In erotic romance you not only have to be a good writer, adhering to all the rules of fiction writing standards for any genre, but you have to heighten it with explicit scenes of passion, desire, sensuality while keeping it real enough to relate to. Within this construct, a talented erotic romance writer must create dramatic concupiscent relationships that are at once believable AND thrilling AND hot. Kristina Wright does this in spades, weaving a story so simple, yet so occupied with genuine tactile emotion and texture, that even in a short story you come away with the unforgettable feeling you tangibly witnessed a personal moment in someone’s life.

Since that evening I have been a fan of Kristina Wright not only as a person but as a talent. And though we only spent that little time together and have since kept in touch on Facebook, I do consider her a friend. So it is with great pleasure that I participate in this blog tour for her latest anthology as editor,  Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After. Kristina has chosen riveting stories by talented authors with the surprising and refreshing theme of “hot monogamy.” Interwoven with tips and tricks to keep any partnership fresh and fevered, this is a unique compilation to say the least. I’m proud to be able to share with you an EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT from Bedded Bliss  (below) by Anya Richards.

            ***
Made To Last
By Anya Richards

The year from Hell stretched to two, and everything thatcould go wrong did.
For my husband and me sex wasn’t the answer, but it sure went a long way toward
helping us reconnect,remember what’s important and release some of thepent-up stress.
With a reaffirmation of the bonds we share,we were once more ready to face the world, together. 

It’s one o’clock in the morning, and I’m wide-awake. This isn’t anything new, unfortunately. Recently sleep has become an elusive, craved and yet frightening concept. It sometimes provides relief, sometimes makes things worse, as problems follow me into dreamland and continue their unrelenting torture.

Beside me, my husband sighs and rolls onto his side. From the tenor of his breathing I know he’s dead to the world, and annoyance flashes through me.How can he sleep so soundly, night after night, while I lie awake, my brain unable to shutdown long enough for me to nod off? But I know I’m not alone with my fears. All the signs of stress are there in him too. Just this evening I looked across the living room and caught him staring out the window, eyes unfocused, fingers tapping asharp, staccato rhythm on the arm of his chair. He’s usually calm, almost serene, just the type of man a high-voltage woman like me needs. He’s my anchor, the voice of reason when I’m tempted to go off the deep end. It hurts to see him obviously restless, with worry etching new lines into his beloved, beautiful face. Staring up into the darkness, I start cataloging our problems,the relentless cycle starting anew. Instantly the muscles in my neck tighten and my stomach knots. I try to think of something else—concentrate on the plot of my latest book—but within minutes I’ve somehow circled back to reality. Sometimes I think I’d feel better ifI could just cry, let it out, but that’s not my way. Tears have always been something to avoid, repress, fight. They’re a weakness I can’tallow myself. If I start I might not be able to stop, and that thought scares me more than any other. For me, that heralds the onset of madness.

As though sensing my terror, my husband moves closer, his arm settling across my stomach. That simple touch, the sensation of his warmth so close, brings a sob close to the surface and I’m forced to swallow it down. I don’t feel as though I deserve his affection right now. I have a sneaky suspicion the blame for our current problems rests squarely on my shoulders. Yet, it feels so good having him beside me. Instead of moving away I roll onto my side, facing away from him, and spoon closer.

READ THE REST (AND EVEN MORE HOT MONOGAMY EROTICA) IN
BEDDED BLISS: A COUPLE’S GUIDE TO LUST EVER AFTER

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ABOUT BEDDED BLISS: A COUPLE’S GUIDE TO LUST EVER AFTER:

It’s fairly easy to fall in love (or lust), but keeping that passion hot and heavy after twenty years of marriage can get tricky. Kristina Wright has two toddlers and a red-hot marriage, and there’s no one better suited to helping other couples make lust last. Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After pairs hands-on advice for long-term lovers with steamy tales to inspire couples to enact their own erotic adventures. Each chapter begins with “sensual suggestions” for keeping in touch—literally! Read real advice and stories from couples, who have a combined total of a whopping 235 years of long-term relationship experience, and find out what works for them to keep their fires burning steady and hot.  Romance writer and editor Wright re-invents the sexuality genre, presenting a guide that simultaneously educates and entertains. Bedded Bliss is a treasure trove of resources for couples to ensure that monogamy will never again mean monotony.

 

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Kristina Wright (kristinawright.com) is an award-winning author whose erotic romance fictionhas appeared in over seventy-five anthologies. She is also the editor of several Cleis Press anthologies of romance, including BestErotic Romance 2013 and Duty and Desire: Military Erotic Romance. Kristina teaches both English and Humanities at the college level. She lives with her family in Chesapeake, VA.
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