Oct 162013
 

“We’re All Perverts”: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality with Christopher Ryan

Published on Oct 14, 2013 by ReasonTV on YouTube

Humanist_March_Apr11.indd“If you look at us as a species, we’re not very impressive,” says author Christopher Ryan. “What we’re good at is forming complex social networks.”

Christopher Ryan sits down with Reason contributor Thaddeus Russell to discuss his book, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. Together with Cacilda Jethá, Ryan has written about the history of human sexuality and why we should fight against “socially imposed restrictions.” By looking at archaeology, primate biology, human physiology, and anthropological studies of pre-agricultural tribes from around the world, Ryan says we aren’t meant to be in life-long monogamous unions. Watch the video above as Russel and Ryan discuss desire, jealousy and the harmful consequences of repressing healthy sexuality.  About 27 mins.

Oct 152013
 

The Pleasure Chest wants you to know that SEX IS BACK.

sexisbackLast March at CatalystCon East, The Pleasure Chest was set up in conference room with a digital camera, lights and a directive: to ask people about their sex lives for their SEX IS BACK project. I took part, as did a lot of way more fascinating, interesting people including some of the sex-positive community’s most illustrious icons like; Tristan Taormino, Maria Falzone, Jessica Drake, Buck Angel and Megan Andelloux. It’s affirming and inspiring in so many ways to hear how others, discovering their kinky sidelost their virginity,  had an embarrassing sex mishap, the best sex tips and accept who they are. Mine is below, but there’s even more sexy goodness on the SEX IS BACK site so check it out: SEX IS BACK

 

Oct 122013
 

tumblr_ludca9CUwQ1r2t9z1o1_500 Originally published on gasm.org on October 11, 2013

At the end of her sexless marriage, Elle Chase went on a journey to seek the one thing she never had. This is the story of what she found.

Recently, after turning 40 and leaving a sexless marriage, I had come to the sobering realization I had never experienced “passion.” In fact, I had never identified myself as a sexual being at all and furthermore, never had pleasurable sex. I ruminated over this discovery and stunned, thought “how is it possible to reach my fortieth year never enjoying sex?” The thought was staggering, “This can’t go on” I said with determination, and made it my number one goal to achieve a fully realized and satisfied sex life … fast.

But what’s a middle-aged woman to do? I was well past the age when most women experiment, I hadn’t dated in ten years and to be honest, “dating” wasn’t interesting to me … unbridled, sweaty, sticky, lustful sex was. I was overwhelmed with what it would take to reach my goal. Where do I even start? I’m not even certain what turns me on!

Thinking back to my teenage years, I remembered that the soft-core porn of the 80’s gave me a certain tickle down-under and that I had come many times to the beautiful works of Anais Nin. The boys of that time watched porn, but these venues were socially acceptable in my circle and readily discussed with my girlfriends. But, right now my sexual thirst was so great I knew these past favorites wouldn’t satisfy. I was parched after years in the desert. I needed to take out the big guns. So, I took the leap. Contrite, I logged online and looked for a tall glass of water.

The World Wide Web offered many choices; gonzo porn, amateur porn … Click HERE to go to GASM.ORG to read the rest

Sep 062013
 
Attractive young couple
By Lady Cheeky – Originally published on this site 9/27/2011
Dating in Los Angeles. I’m starting to realize it is the rare man who is actually a “gentleman.” Yes, I consider myself a feminist and a strong woman. But, I am also … a “lady.” I believe you can be both at the same time.  I want to believe that there are men out there who can appreciate a strong woman, who knows what she wants AND who likes to be treated like a “lady.”  By “lady” I don’t mean being treated with kid-gloves or holding back a curse word or two. I mean a gentleman who is genuine, kind, has manners and who truly feels it an honor to be spending time with his date …  and shows it.  The last couple of men I have gone out with (not including my FWB/Lover) it has been painfully obvious that they just want to hop into bed.  I think we all know that I am not opposed to that … IF the feeling/chemistry is right.  But,
 to be sitting across from someone who is trying every trick in the book to get you in the sack and then pouts when you politely redirect the conversation is disappointing, tiring, boring and frankly, disrespectful. I love heat of the moment sex,’ but I also love being treated as whole person in my sensuality and not just an evening’s  recreation. Who would? Sometimes, when I explain my philosophies on sex and what I do, I see a glazed look appear on their faces and the conversation becomes less finding out about me, but asking questions towards a goal of easy sex. Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels this way. Writer, Jessica Wakeman of the

funny-male-man-gentleman-choice

website TheFrisky.com gives her view of what a “gentleman” is:

” … if I had to define it myself, this is what I’d say: A real gentleman is rare and is someone who treats everyone well—not just the chick he’s interested in. A gentleman is polite to everyone, thoughtful to everyone, considerate to everyone. Yes, a gentleman can be chivalrous, but that’s not the only qualification. Gentleman are chivalrous, but not all chivalrous guys are gentlemen. Most of all, if a guy boasts about what a gentleman he is, he probably isn’t one.- Jessica Wakeman, What Does Being A “Gentleman” Mean These Days?, TheFrisky.com – 7/20/09

It’s clear that the idea of what a “gentleman” is, is up for debate. However, one should always expect basic courtesies like table manners and certainly if he’s not polite to the valet or the dry cleaner or the waitress that’s a HUGE red flag and you should run the other way. But for me it doesn’t stop there. Where are the men that take pleasure in the art of seduction? The men that know it takes at least a week to seduce a woman (and even longer to woo her). The men that realize that a well-wooed woman is a thousand times more apt to provide reciprocal attention, than a woman whom he cajoles into bed. Men, we want to “see” you as well. Show us who you are. Let us in. We’re thirsty for it. We will, in turn, shower you with affection, passion and appreciation. Show us you are attracted to the whole woman – honor us –  and not just the pussy and tits. Take your time and you will win our hearts as well as our lustfulness. We want you as much as you want us. We want a life filled with passionate sex and intimacy that also has plenty of room for recreational fucking.
But …  Women need to feel that we are wholly yearned for. You must earn her desire. I mean, isn’t that the fun part for both of you anyway?  Isn’t it the tension-filled “dance” that precedes rich and satisfying passion?  We are sexual beings bursting with our own unique sensuality and we want to express it with you. And because of this, your restraint and (hopefully) authentic interest in us as individuals, even if we’re not relationship potential, is notice and appreciated.  Respecting our womanhood AND our personhood is truly valued. There is no set amount of time this process takes, all women are different .. but, I guarantee that after the proper “wooing,” sex with your new paramour will be more satisfying for both of you. Especially if the wooing and seduction are done thoughtfully, with pleasure and given generously.
That’s just my two cents :)  
Here are some articles/sites I enjoyed on the subject:
Jul 022013
 
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426932_225709697528042_1359787222_nJoin me on Sexxx Talk Radio w/ Alyssa Royse tomorrow, July 3rd at 4:00 PST talking about BIG Beautiful Sex and taking questions … www.prn.fm
Call in to PRN with your questions: 888-874-4888

With a new topic each week, hosts Alyssa Royse and Lanae St. John discuss the ways that sex is shaping the world around us. Whether it’s sex in the news media, probing the minds of experts, politicians and celebrities, or helping you understand both your body and the politics of sexuality, they’ll get busy with it.

More information is available at their blog: sexxxtalkradio.com/

Jul 022013
 
426932_225709697528042_1359787222_n

426932_225709697528042_1359787222_nJoin me on Sexxx Talk Radio w/ Alyssa Royse tomorrow, July 3rd at 4:00 PST talking about BIG Beautiful Sex and taking questions … www.prn.fm
Call in to PRN with your questions: 888-874-4888

With a new topic each week, hosts Alyssa Royse and Lanae St. John discuss the ways that sex is shaping the world around us. Whether it’s sex in the news media, probing the minds of experts, politicians and celebrities, or helping you understand both your body and the politics of sexuality, they’ll get busy with it.

More information is available at their blog: sexxxtalkradio.com/

Jun 242013
 
stoya-censored

By Alyssa Royse from her blog Just Alyssa on 6/11/11

I love bodies. I love both men’s and women’s bodies. I love my body. I have always loved Stoya’s body, hers especially. (And her amazingly pale skin, dark hair, pouty lips…. ) And, like many women, I look at all the bodies in the media, and I never see my own body. I often joke that I am built like a 16 year-old boy, which doesn’t fit in either Madison Avenue or The Valley’s idea of sexy. I have always wanted to see my body reflected back at me in a way that tells me that society deems it beautiful. (We all want that, even those of us who “know” better.)

Stoya on the cover of Richardson Magazine, As photographed by Steven Klein. So, imagine my shock when the new issue of Richardson Magazine, which is essentially high-art porn and graphic discussion of sex and sexuality, featured Stoya on the cover. As I’ve never seen her before. She’s always been very traditionally feminine. Super slender, but soft and curvy. Not any more. She is now sporting six-pack abs, defined deltoids and the kind of sinewy muscles you’d expect on a, well, on a guy. Or on me. Imagine my shock when I saw a body that looks like mine on the cover of a magazine. And imagine my shock when I realized that my first response was one of disappointment. I didn’t really like it.

WHAT THE FUCK? How could I not like it? In an attempt to figure out what was going on in my mind, I took my laptop into my room, took off all my clothes and stood in front of the mirror to compare our bodies. Yup, pretty much the same.

Me, August 2010, feeling strong and sexy, if not traditionally feminine.

Me, August 2010, feeling strong and sexy, if not traditionally feminine.

So what’s going on in my head? Could it be as simple as that she has pubic hair, something I can’t stand? Nope, not that simple.

Could it be some deep-rooted self-loathing that I wasn’t aware of? I don’t think so, I genuinely love my body, and have a damned good relationship with it.

After thinking about it, I came up with some ideas that may tap into something much larger when it comes to porn, sexuality, and even our relationships with our lovers.

1. Porn may be more about aspiration than validation. That may seem obvious, but it’s novel to me. I have often said that I can’t stand watching porn in which the women have fake breasts, because it’s just ridiculous, they don’t seem real. The women, not the breasts. Or women with tons of make-up, unless it’s all artsy. Or super cheesy greasy body-building men, because they are just as fake. I, generally, enjoy more natural, real bodies, even though that also means that they are a little heavier, or softer or….

Seeing Stoya with my body was just too real. It left me nothing to aspire too. Or for. There was no fantasy, it was just reality as I know it.  If I wanted to fantasize about my real life, that would leave me with a messy house, unpaid bills, a string of immature men and batteries that die too quickly. No thanks.

2. I want you to be what I want you to be, and I don’t want you to change. This one, obviously, sucks to realize. But I think this may plague us in our real relationships, not just our relationships with porn stars. Stoya, to me, has always been this Porcelain Doll fantasy creature who was delicate and feminine, as soft and smooth as a statue whose satin patina was earned by centuries of admirers rubbing a lucky spot. When she suddenly became something else, I didn’t want her any more.

God that sucks. I am disappointed in myself for this one. I am a little mad at her for leaving me alone in the fantasy that I created for her. What right does she have to self-actualize? To become stronger? To not fill my fantasies?

Yup, relationships die of that kind of narcissism. Mine, not hers.

stoya-censoredSo I look again at Stoya. She’s hotter than ever. She looks strong in every way, the look in her eye says, “this is me, can you handle it,” rather than “I’ll be your fantasy.”

If I met her in the real world, I’d be blown away by her strength and beauty and sex appeal. I’d judge a man by whether or not he found her attractive, because her sexiness is of a much more imposing sort now. It’s raw and powerful. And there is nothing sexier than a man who TRULY finds strong, powerful women sexy.

I look at her picture and I’m almost scared of her. It’s not the approachable and easy sexiness that I am used to from her. It’s like a dare, a challenge. It’s a little scary.

I look at me. And for the first time I think I feel what I know so many men feel when they encounter me when my internal fires are lit. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the words, “too intense,” “too much,” and “I’m not ready” uttered by men I have loved, been loved by and wanted to keep loving and being loved by.

And there I am, naked, on the cover of this magazine. It hurt. I got it.

I got comfortable with it.

Perhaps this is the “me” that I needed to see reflected. Not the shape of the body, but the intensity of the stand and the stare. The still strength.

This is not how people have traditionally defined sexy. This is a woman who is strong as hell, and not in a “trying to be a guy” way. Not in an unnatural way. Not in a seductive way. She is just standing in her own power and letting people react how they want, unconcerned, unassuming and yes, uninviting. Because her sexuality, it turns out, isn’t anyone else’s business, and she doesn’t need you in it.

Credit where credit is due, the photo was taken by Steven Klein who is a ridiculously talented photographer who does largely editorial portrait work. But the power, that’s all her.

Now, when I look at the cover, I realize that it is aspirational. More than anything I’ve ever seen.

That’s what naked power is. And it’s sexy as hell. Strength, and sexiness, comes from the inside. The outside is just a container, and sometimes, it can’t be contained.

IF YOU ARE OVER 18 AND CAN LEGALLY LOOK AT NAKED PICTURES OF BODIES (as if anyone can stop you and it’s anyone else’s business,) here is a very buff Stoya very much in the buff.

Alyssa-RoyseAlyssa Royse is freelance writer, speaker and sex-educator living in Seattle with her boyfriend and their 3 daughters. She co-hosts Sexxx Talk Radio on The Progressive Radio Network and is the co-founder of NotSoSecret.com, a site dedicated to empowered women’s sexuality. She can also be found on her eponymous blog, where she pontificates about food, family, politics and the Seattle rain. Twitter: @AlyssaRoyse  Website: Just Alyssa  TEDx: Your Sexuality: Ask & Tell  Progressive Radio Network: SexxxTalk Radio

Other writing by Alyssa Royse: 
Nice Guys Commit Rape Too – xoJane
The Danger In Demonizing Male Sexuality – The Good Men Project

Apr 052013
 
Cheeky-480x640px

BY   Orginally appeared on TheRumpus.net   on  4/5/13

Tweet sex sites are a many splendored thing, opening doors to fluid identities that are both sexy and risk-free while erecting an emotional firewall to avoid real, personal rejection. My hackles go up whenever I think about technology replacing human touch, but when I met Lady Cheeky and heard her story of seeking and finding passion via tweet sex, I witnessed a brave new world where one woman’s sexuality was accessed in an accelerated way that involved wooing, teasing, and palpable passion.

“Lady Cheeky” is her Anglophile cybersex identity name, where she is a servant/vessel/wench. We met on the floor at Marilyn Friedman’s essay writing workshop, which I signed up for during a dark time. After dozens of agent rejections flooded my inbox for over a year, I longed to sit in a room with other writers again, hoping to inject my writing with joy by learning new literary tricks from veteran journalist, Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Our assignment was to tell the group what our essay was about and then say one more line declaring what our essay was “really” about.

Lady Cheeky’s wavy, Lucille Ball hair matched her bright red lips. Her curves punched out of her ’40s frock, as she told a hilarious topsy-turvy tale about role-playing on a True Blood-themed, Twitter-based direct message and tweet stream, which led her to start her smart and sexy websites where she met “Lord Byron,” hired a P.I. to check another lover out, and divorced her husband. She also overcame a rare sexual disorder; started a popular sensual images blog; began writing and publishing real-life erotica based on her new, passion-filled experiences; is in the process of working on a memoir; has a new story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s upcoming erotica anthology, The Big Book of Orgasm; and is currently speaking about body image and sensuality, as well as integrative sensuality.

Lady Cheeky’s story beneath the story was flesh and bone ache deriving from a phantom limb that was pummeled awake by HBO’s True Blood series. I wanted to know more about how True Blood was the springboard to becoming a sexually actualized woman, capable and deserving of passion.

… To read the rest of the interview, CLICK HERE:logo-sm

Apr 052013
 
Cheeky-480x640px

BY   Orginally appeared on TheRumpus.net   on  4/5/13

Tweet sex sites are a many splendored thing, opening doors to fluid identities that are both sexy and risk-free while erecting an emotional firewall to avoid real, personal rejection. My hackles go up whenever I think about technology replacing human touch, but when I met Lady Cheeky and heard her story of seeking and finding passion via tweet sex, I witnessed a brave new world where one woman’s sexuality was accessed in an accelerated way that involved wooing, teasing, and palpable passion.

“Lady Cheeky” is her Anglophile cybersex identity name, where she is a servant/vessel/wench. We met on the floor at Marilyn Friedman’s essay writing workshop, which I signed up for during a dark time. After dozens of agent rejections flooded my inbox for over a year, I longed to sit in a room with other writers again, hoping to inject my writing with joy by learning new literary tricks from veteran journalist, Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Our assignment was to tell the group what our essay was about and then say one more line declaring what our essay was “really” about.

Lady Cheeky’s wavy, Lucille Ball hair matched her bright red lips. Her curves punched out of her ’40s frock, as she told a hilarious topsy-turvy tale about role-playing on a True Blood-themed, Twitter-based direct message and tweet stream, which led her to start her smart and sexy websites where she met “Lord Byron,” hired a P.I. to check another lover out, and divorced her husband. She also overcame a rare sexual disorder; started a popular sensual images blog; began writing and publishing real-life erotica based on her new, passion-filled experiences; is in the process of working on a memoir; has a new story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s upcoming erotica anthology, The Big Book of Orgasm; and is currently speaking about body image and sensuality, as well as integrative sensuality.

Lady Cheeky’s story beneath the story was flesh and bone ache deriving from a phantom limb that was pummeled awake by HBO’s True Blood series. I wanted to know more about how True Blood was the springboard to becoming a sexually actualized woman, capable and deserving of passion.

… To read the rest of the interview, CLICK HERE:logo-sm

Feb 012013
 
Photo by Gene Reed
Photo by Gene Reed

Photo by Gene Reed

Lady Cheeky is presenting Does This Panel Make Me Look Fat?: Body Image and Sexuality. Check out Lady Cheeky’s bio here.

How do you see yourself as a catalyst for change?

I think anyone is a catalyst for change who actively pursues being a part of the discussion about how to change an outmoded ideal. Hopefully, this pursuit never ends but becomes more passionate with each endeavor.

Who or what was a catalyst for you?

My blogs. Being able to express myself, unexpurgated gave me the freedom to make significant changes in my life.

What do you feel are some of the biggest challenges or concerns facing us in the field of sexuality right now?

Getting the meme out to the world that sexuality is as natural as breathing in a way that doesn’t seem preachy or “woo-woo” so that people from all walks of life can understand it.

Read the rest on the CatalystCon Blog

cconE-badge2dGet $10 off registration at CatalystCon East when you use code “LADYCHEEKY” at checkout!

Web: CatalystCon: Sparking Communication in Sexuality, Acceptance and Activism
Twitter: @CatalystCon
Facebook: CatalystCon

 

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