Apr 242014
 
Originally Posted on www.AntoniaCrane.com  
images-3As usual, I drifted off to the True Crime channel at 3a.m. after stripping for 13 hours straight then L and I slept in a double bed in the Motel 6 off Highway 111 to save some dough. L sleeps exactly like me; I don’t even hear her breathe. She’s stiff and still and silent. We are like a couple of bruised dead dolls slathered with anti-aging eye cream, fantasizing about stalkers and sociopaths teeming in the parking lot below us, after our purses stuffed with stripper bills. But for once, that Motel 6 was quiet.

Our room was hot and stuffy in the morning and the door was stuck, so I used the wall for leverage and pulled hard. Outside, snow-capped mountains towered against a pristine blue sky. Palm trees lined a packed parking lot. I thought I recognized a customer from the club the night before, walking his dog on the lawn. He called me “Humboldt” all night then in a drunken stupor, asked me to be his Valentine.

Stripping has never flattered my real romantic relationships. It makes them look like fat neglect machines, poking holes in my pincushion heart. While guys in strip clubs shower me with easy, unconditional adoration, my real relationships are tense and difficult. Lately, I’ve been filling up my empty wallet and my emotional well with knee-jerk marriage proposals from strangers. I’m not saying it’s right, but I’m grateful to have found Desert Showgirls; at least, my ego is.

L is my stripper spirit guide. She knows where to go and I listen, pack my survival kit and hit the trail. Years ago, she swore by New Orleans, so after a bloody Mongol fist fight broke out at an Italian restaurant (that also illegally allowed us to strip) near Pasadena, I borrowed $200 for a one-way plane ticket and spent the next three years falling madly in love with NOLA and the clubs that embraced me there. Ever since then, I follow L’s lead. The best place to strip in LA is not in LA at all but near Palm Springs in a nondescript strip mall. Desert Showgirls is the Snickers Bar of strip clubs: Generic and dark on the outside, creamy gold mine on the inside. And like most places of ill repute, it’s near an adult video store and shares a parking lot with a suspiciously vacant cigar shop and a very good Mexican restaurant that keeps unpredictable hours.

A strip dancer performs for customers at the Mons Venus strip club in Tampa

Unlike San Francisco, dancing in LA has always sucked. After dropping the drunken girls off at their overpriced apartments in Hollywood, I wondered why I didn’t go put on a skirt and wait tables at Swingers instead. Actually, I knew why. I’m a terrible waitress, but a great stripper. The two jobs are similar but different. Both jobs require being nice to rude, demanding people and having superb listening skills. But, I have no instinct for that perfect balance of timing and attention to detail when it comes to serving food. However, I am acutely aware of other hungers: the desire to be desired and the need to be heard. And In twenty years of stripping, I’ve always been a night girl, never a day shift girl, but now I see the benefit of being the one girl on the floor at noon. Day shift guys are different. They seem sadder, sneaky and more stoned which can attract a strange breed of clientele, like Jerry, the man who cried while I gave him a lap dance.

No matter what time of day, strip clubs invite a heightened sense of suffering and affection, kind of like kissing the hand of someone dying; meeting their suffering head on and dancing with it, like last Saturday, when Jerry cried during our lap dance.

In issue #441 of The Sun, Janna Malamud Smith recalls psychoanalyst Jonathan Lear’s belief that we are “finite erotic creatures.” Meaning, we dangle on a tight rope between our “expansive desire and our inevitable death.” We Strippers shimmy to that tune. We experience the world through erotic movement and connection and that movement is towards our death.

Antonia AcraneAn older dude in a bright red sweatshirt kept calling me “honey.” He followed me around the empty club, so I had to deal with him.
It was about 4p.m. and he was shitfaced.
“Honey,” he growled. “I’m sixty-four years old. I’ve been to clubs all over the world. I saw Jim Morrison perform in public for the first time.”

“Oh yeah? Where was that?”

“The Rainbow Room. He was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Performing in public. What’s the matter, Honey. You too cool to dance for me?”

“I’m about to go on stage right now,” I lied. “You like Pink Floyd? Led Zeppelin or the Stones?”

“Oh, Miss Attitude is too cool, huh.”

A petite brunette finally joined me on the floor. I told her Jerry was looking to spend some money. She refused to talk to him. He stunk. He was rude. He was shitfaced.

“I’ll dance for him, so he’ll leave,” I said and pulled him into the VIP area, slightly worried he didn’t have enough cash on him to pay me.

He grabbed my hands when I took his glasses off his head.
“What is wrong with you?” I whispered, my mouth brushed his ear.

“I love women. Been married four times and they always leave me.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“I cheat. I get bored. I hate women.” Tears streamed down both of his cheeks.

I kept dancing and he kept crying. At the end of the song I said, “I’m not taking any more of your money, Jerry.”

“Keep dancing,” he said, still crying.

“Fuck you, Jerry. Go smoke.” I snatched his cigarettes, phone and his cocktail, his headphones and his wallet.

“Listen honey.”

“Get up. We’re going.” He over tipped me by fifty bucks and I walked towards the door where guys could duck outside and smoke.

The bouncer walked up to us. “Your cab’s here sir.” I kissed Jerry good bye on his wet cheek.

imagesAntonia Crane’s work has appeared in: The Rumpus, Salon.com, DAME Magazine, Black Clock, SLAKE, Word RiotPANK, The Whistling Fire, The Coachella Review, Phantom Seed, Smith Magazine, Diverse Voices Quarterly and lots of other places. She holds an MFA in Fiction from Antioch University. She wrote a memoir about the sex industry and her mother’s illness: SPENT and is one of the editors of The Citron Review. She teaches Creative Writing to at-risk teens for Write Girl and Woodcraft Rangers. She lives in Los Angeles where she runs, tweets and blogs.  Check her out on … Twitter: @AntoniaCrane  Web: www.AntoniaCrane.com

Jan 302014
 

A lesbian couple in bedGeorge Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”. Never has this been more apropos than in communicating our sexual desires to our partner. Let’s face it, telling your lover that you would like him to kiss you more gently or maybe even spank you a little harder, can be a bit intimidating, to say the least. However, letting your partner know what you want and what you enjoy is part of having a healthy and fulfilling sex life. So unless you want to be pigeonholed into the same kind of sex for the rest of your relationship, take heed fearless frends! Here are a few suggestions to lead your partner in the right direction.

THE DIRECT APPROACH: You might want to begin the conversation by telling him about something you really like that he or she does (or you two do together) sexually and then suggest the new idea. For instance, “I’ve been thinking about how exciting it is when you give me a little swat on my rear during sex” then add, “I think I might like it if you wanted to tug at my hair a bit too”. During sex can also be great time to show your lover what he’s doing that gets your toes curling. A well placed “yes, just like that” or, a simple “I love how you’re moving” will guide them in the right direction. Don’t be shy to express your pleasure. I guarantee this positive reinforcement will not only turn him on but will give him a more specific map of your erogenous zones.

SHOW, DON’T TELL: Certified Sex Educator and author of How To Be A Great Lover, Lou Paget gay-men-in-bed(www.LouPaget.com) suggests you try doing unto your partner what you would have her do unto you. For example, if her kiss could use some improvement, Lou suggests you start by kissing her the way you like to be kissed, perhaps anchoring your hands seductively on her neck so you can guide her in ways that please you, then ask her “show me what it feels like to be kissed by me.” Or, maybe her touch can be too rough? Feel free to take her hand and direct it in the way that pleases you, giving her approving glances as she follows your lead. It goes without saying; your positive reinforcement when she successfully mimics your movements will be all the affirmation she needs to happily continue.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS: Think about it, when you bond with new friends you like to discover what you like to do together. Why should it be any different with your partner? People learn better by doing … so … DO! For instance, if the idea of role-playing gets you going, talking about those fantasies are much easier once you’ve done it. Almost all the couples I’ve spoken with love it when their partner shares taking the lead with sex. Start with something fun and sexy you two can laugh about later. Maybe you have a thing for firemen? Surprise him by dressing up in something red and “hot” and fireman’s hat … put on a fake fireplace DVD and coyly ask “Where’s the fire?” Cheesy? Yes. But cheesy can be fun and nothing relaxes people more than a good-natured laugh. Suggest that next time he might play the fireman and “rescue” you (wink-wink). Voila! You’ve shown him your fantasy and basically had a conversation without having a conversation!

Happy-couple-in-bed-smilingINTIMATE EDUCATION: Maybe your welled-up sexual desires have to do with being more experimental with the sex you two have? Maybe it has to do with creating more intimacy during sex? Ask him to read a book with you that explores your sexuality as a couple. Maybe it’s erotica or maybe it’s instructional … whatever floats your boat. Each night (in bed) you read one or two chapters, discuss it and how it might or might not apply to you and your sex life. This is the perfect occasion to discuss likes, dislikes and even maybe’s. It’s also a great opportunity to get you both talking about what turns you on, your fantasies and some techniques you want to try. Excellent reads to start with are: The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover by David Deida, the aforementioned How To Be A Great Lover by Lou Paget and Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex by Nina Hartley. If erotica is more your thing, there’s a ton to choose from. I have a particular fondness for The Big Book of Orgasms:69 Sexy Stories by Rachel Kramer Bussel (I have a story in it), and anything by Kristina Wright and Anais Nin.

GO LITE: Last but not least, try the lighter version of your desire and see how he/she reacts. If you’re interested in trying a little bondage, holding his hands over his head while you’re on top to see if he likes the feeling of surrender. Maybe whip out the sleep mask before you introduce the idea of a blindfold? If she responds positively you can mention that maybe next time she’d like to feel her hands bound by a something silky? A plush paddle? Handcuffs? Interested in trying Tantra but think he might be intimidated by it’s mystical reputation? What could be more innocuous than breathing? Look up some simple tantric breathing exercises and choose one that works for you (e.g.; The Fire Breath). Suggest that the two of you do this exercise before foreplay to “get in the zone.” Just by easing a simple action into your routine, you might be surprised how happy he will be to oblige …  and how eager he’ll be to please.

If your partner is resistant to any of your ideas, let them know that your only hope is that you might make sex between you two more intense, fun and even more intimate. After all, relationships take work and this is the most fun and scintillating type of “work” your relationship will ever have do. Regardless, at the end of the day it’s important to remember that fantasies and exploring your sexual desires are an essential part of a healthy sex life. The more comfortable you are with your own sensuality and sexuality, compliments and translates how you are in the bedroom. Respecting and expressing your partner’s needs in a responsible and loving way build a persons sexual confidence. Never forget that YOU are in charge of your own sexuality and you deserve an exciting, sensual and communicative sex life!

A version of this story originally appeared on www.EvolvedWorld.com.

 

SUPPORT THIS SITE BY SUPPORTING MY AFFILIATES!


Sales on prostate stimulators and the Evi kegel exerciser!

Sales on prostate stimulators and the Evi kegel exerciser!

Please Cream Hybrid Lube

Please Cream Hybrid Lube

Jan 092014
 

the_pleasure_chest_logo_08-1

We were delighted to have sex educator Lady Cheeky at our Los Angeles store last night, teaching her body positive workshop Big Beautiful Sex. She shared her insights about overcoming fat-shaming, building sexual confidence, and finding the toys and positions that work best for your body. The workshop was such a big hit that we want to share the highlights with all of you!

Tips for Learning to Feel Sexy

Remember this: ”The person there with you in the room – they want to be there.”

“To feel better about having sex, you have to have sex.” Notice how confident you are while you’re afterglowing, and bask in that confidence.

Take time to touch the parts of your body that you normally want to hide in ways that feel pleasurable.

If you look in the mirror and think that you look ugly, replace that with a neutral observation: “I have red hair.”

Try going to a Korean spa. Everyone is walking around naked: you get to just be another body.

Notice how you judge other people’s looks. Try to be more compassionate in your thoughts. You’ll train yourself to be nicer to yourself.

Finding Your Favorite Toys

Try a longer toy that gives you some extra reach:

– The Magic Wand Original is an unbeatably powerful vibe.

– The Njoy Pure Wand may look like “a Star Trek torture device,” but it’s everyone’s favorite G-spot/prostate toy.

 

To read the rest, CLICK HERE

Nov 062013
 
sexinwords_logo_smallI first met Toronto area sex journalist Jon Pressick on online (of course) when his Tweet made me blush. I don’t remember the circumstance, but I know making me blush ain’t easy.

sexinwords_logo_small

A fan of his popular sex blog SEX IN WORDS, I would often retweet /re-blog some (ok ALL) of what he posted on his site. We struck up a conversation, he interviewed me for his weekly feature “TheHook-up” and a friendship was born.
sexinwords_logo_small
It’s not enough that Jon’s a sexual encyclopedia, but he is also an accomplished erotic Renaissance man. He’s a radio host, published erotica writer and anthologist/editor of Cleis Press’ “The Best Sex Writing” with his first of those anthologies coming out in 2015. He definitely qualifies as a “Smutty Smarty of Sex,” if anyone knows sexy accoutrements it would be Jon. So, for male-bodied folk … get a a pen and paper handy.
Here are Jon Pressick’s “Five Sex Toys and a Lube.”

 

Five Sex Toys …

Aslan Leather Harness: I’ve had this strap-on harness by Toronto’s own Aslan Leather for almost a decade and I imagine I’ll have it for a lot longer. These rigs are built to last and built for fun.

Fleshlight: I was very skeptical given the mass popularity. Call me silly, but I just didn’t imagine it would feel that good. It does feel that good. And so much better. Believe that hype.

Extra-Long Dog Leashes: We aren’t extensively into bondage, but when we do want to ‘tie one on,’ I like some flexibility and options of where and how we can bind each other on the bed. For a total $4 we have a leash on each corner of the bed. I am all about the DIY sex toys. Hence…

IKEA 3-Piece Wooden Utensils: Again, I’m all about the DIY. This 3-piece set of wooden tools: a spoon, a fork thing and a spatula thing. All three make for great little spanking scenes and all three give a different sensation.

Sex Butter: Another item I was skeptical of when I received a sample of for review. But now I’m moaning that I’m almost out and can’t quite afford the replacement cost. But I love the slippery, minty feel.

… and a lube.

Sliquid Natural’s Swirl Blue Raspberry: This lube is just amazing. I am not keen on scented oils or lubes but this one smells so nice. Very pleasant and not at all overpowering. And because it is Sliquid I get the bonus of it being water-based and glycerin and paraben free.

pressickJon Pressick is a Toronto-area writer whose focus is on sex and queer writing and issues. His mission is to disseminate positive, fun and informative sexual information.

Jon’s writing has appeared in Best Sex WritingCorset, MetAnotherFrog.com,Quill & QuireGaietyXtrafab and many erotica websites. He writes regularly for his popular blog Sex In Words. He edited Met Another Frog’s first collection, Asses to Asses. He is the editor of Cleis Press’s Best Sex Writing series, and the long-time co-host and producer of the weekly radio show Sex City (CIUT 89.5FM). For his web and radio work, Jon was named The Naked Truth Adult Entertainment Award winner for Favorite Adult Journalist in 2010.

Jon has been Managing Editor of Bisexual.com and SexlifeCanada.com. In 2000, he co-founded the influential queer periodical TRADE: Queer Things. During TRADE‘s seven years of production, Jon focused on profiling and promoting sex- and queer-positive writers, activists, artists and creators. Jon subsequently authored the Choose Your Own Sex Adventure erotica story books. These two projects (and many more) contributed to Jon being named one of Broken Pencil‘s “50 People and Places We Love“—a who’s who of important indie folks in Canada.

Jon organizes the Toronto Erotica Writers and Readers Meetup and #TOsexbloggers Meetup.  He is a sought-after presenter at sex and sexuality events, where he has spoken about anal sex and prostate pleasure. He is a graduate of McMaster University and has a certificate in book publishing from Ryerson Polytechnic University. He has two daughters.

For more information: visit Sex In Words (http://www/sex-in-words.blogspot.ca), send an email (sexinwords@hotmail.com) or follow Jon on Twitter @sexinwords)

Oct 252013
 
Metis_Headshot_4-08_web

Metis Black is one of those names you hear in the sex-positive world that inspires reverence. Principled and unwavering in her ideal of quality sex toys, Metis started a conversation about body-safe materials which quickly turned into a revolution … that revolution begat her company Tantus, Inc. 

Metis believes in basic sex toys that get the job done, without all bright and sparkly finery that some enjoy. Simple, well-made toys that are free of any chemicals that might be harmful to your health. More than just a manufacturer though, Metis believes in good sex education an follows that up with a comprehensive section on the Tantus, Inc. website. Chock full of articles on how to find a sex-positive doctor to her own panel on toxic toys at the sex education conference CatalystCon it’s clear her commitment to supporting and informing her customers about sex is important. In fact, just yesterday Tantus announced that veteran sex educator and author of “Sex with the Lights On” Ducky Doolittle has come aboard to to be Tantus Education Coordinator. Ducky will be performing workshops on behalf of Tantus and providing trainings for retail customers and distributors among other duties. The hiring of Ducky Doolittle to represent the Tantus brand and it’s beliefs is further confirmation to me, that Metis is committed to sex education just as much as she is to safe, fun and beautiful toys.

So what kind of products does Metis choose to occupy her own nightstand? I’ll let her tell you …

Five Sex Toys …

Since 1998, as founder and president of Tantus Inc., I’ve been on the forefront of sexual education and safe effective sex toys as an industry leader. And yes, I’m a toy slut. Not many people in the industry will admit that, a significant amount don’t even play with toys, but I have always got my eye out for what is intriguing, and I own a vast collection of amazing sex toys.

What I’m not is a techno buyer. I have two Violet Wands (one a German deluxe model and one that was my Great-Grandmother’s from the 20’s), an e-stim machine because someone wanted us to make products for it, but I don’t tend to have much interest in the typical multispeed rotational internal devices. Vibratex was amazing in they gave me three different rabbit” style vibrators to try back in the day- one which actually worked for me, but it taught me that bells and whistles just really aren’t for everyone and definitely they aren’t for me. I don’t appreciate internal vibration at all and external vibration for me needs to be powerful. I keep only one battery style vibrator near my bed and it’s a titanium bodied vibrator, powered by 3 lithium batteries, created by a company Elemental Pleasures who unfortunately isn’t around anymore. (*I found the site and it appears the company has reappeared and you can purchase their vibrators HERE - LC)

I LOVE dildos and butt plugs, and while a basic dildo didn’t make my top 5 list, it would be a realistic silicone dildo that was 5 3/8” diameter. (*Personally, I love (and use) my Tantus Echo Vibrator as a dildo :) – LC)

Five Favorite Toys …

1.      Black Widow Connoisseur Harness* by Tantus (SheVibe is pre-selling) –  This is the harness I’ve wanted from the first time I strapped one on. It’s got HUGE attitude and it feels so amazing against my body. You really have to feel the quality of the leather and see the detailing close up. In honesty this line has been in the works since 2002, so Tantus took it’s time until we could really do it right and I’m pretty sure everyone will agree— we did. (* I saw this in person and you are going to LOVE how it feels. – LC)

2.      Saturn by Inner Space – Ray Cirino is an amazing designer who is legendary. He designed all the toys for the centerfolds of the old Penthouse magazines back when the budget was significant. My favorite of those shoots was a gilded bird cage theme with butt plugs with feather plumes, He was one of the first people making body safe products out of quality materials, Lucite and steel, and explaining why he chose the materials he did. He played with the toys and he could tell you intimately why each design was what it was. The toy is no longer available and he’s gone on to work on designs for sustainability projects, but he is one of the grandfathers of sex toy design. I traded Ray a Bend Over Beginner Kit for mine.

3.      Ryder plug by Tantus - The Ryder just really does meet all my criteria for what a plug should be. It took us three prototypes to get the curve from the shoulders to the neck exactly right- but we did it. I’ve never played with a plug that was so comfortable going in, or coming out.

4.      Pure Wand by Njoy - Greg DeLong is another one of those amazing designers that actually plays with toys and loves what he does. I was lucky to be introduced with Greg as he was meeting with the buyers from Babeland back in 2004. In fact the buyer brought me into the meeting. I’ve always loved playing with metal toys, but until Greg came they were all industrial, made for men. Greg made them elegant. The Pure Wand is pure genius.

5.      Plug Ins - I have three plug in vibrators in my dresser drawer. A Magic Wand, an Erosillator and a 7 in 1 Wahl. The one I use most often is The Magic Wand, but the one I recommend most to others, especially women who’ve never orgasmed, is the Wahl. The coil vibrator gets the job done, is inexpensive and very reliable. It’s also available where the other products aren’t. I think it’s the best beginner toy and it sets you up for a lifetime of savvy sex toy connoisseurship.

… and a lube.

You are going to get me in trouble with this because all the high quality lube manufacturers are dear friends— I used to write a lot of industry articles on lubricants. I’m going to have to say Pjur because I love silicone lubricant and their Light Love is just luxuriant. Also Richie Harris, President of Pjur USA, was the first person in the industry who was selling silicone lubricant and explaining to the industry why silicone. Others started producing silicone lube because Richie was doing such amazing business

Metis_Headshot_4-08_webAbout Tantus

Tantus was founded on the belief that each person has the right to a healthy sex life and that sexual health encompasses many aspects of physical and mental well-being. Tantus was one of those companies who changed an entire industry and believes we must listen to our past to pave our future. Tantus believes that a foundation of education will help people live better and happier lives. Tantus believes that our past obligates us to a stewardship for the future of sexual health. Tantus believes that our products and brand should be driven by passion and integrity. Tantus believes that the simple approach is usually the right approach. Tantus believes that with the right people at the right job we can accomplish anything.

CONTACT: 

Twitter: @Tantus
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/tantus
Web: www.tantusinc.com

magic-wand

The Magic Wand

Ryder Plug from Tantus

Ryder Plug from Tantus

The Eroscillator 2 Plus

The Eroscillator 2 Plus

Black Widow Harness from Tantus

Black Widow Harness from Tantus (pre-sale from SHEVIBE.COM)

Wahl 7 in 1 Massager

Wahl 7 in 1 Massager

Bend Over Beginner Kit from Tantus

Bend Over Beginner Kit from Tantus

NJoy Pure Wand

NJoy Pure Wand

bodyglide-light-love

Pjur Bodyglide Light Love

 

 

 

Oct 252013
 
Metis_Headshot_4-08_web

Metis Black is one of those names you hear in the sex-positive world that inspires reverence. Principled and unwavering in her ideal of quality sex toys, Metis started a conversation about body-safe materials which quickly turned into a revolution … that revolution begat her company Tantus, Inc. 

Metis believes in basic sex toys that get the job done, without all bright and sparkly finery that some enjoy. Simple, well-made toys that are free of any chemicals that might be harmful to your health. More than just a manufacturer though, Metis believes in good sex education an follows that up with a comprehensive section on the Tantus, Inc. website. Chock full of articles on how to find a sex-positive doctor to her own panel on toxic toys at the sex education conference CatalystCon it’s clear her commitment to supporting and informing her customers about sex is important. In fact, just yesterday Tantus announced that veteran sex educator and author of “Sex with the Lights On” Ducky Doolittle has come aboard to to be Tantus Education Coordinator. Ducky will be performing workshops on behalf of Tantus and providing trainings for retail customers and distributors among other duties. The hiring of Ducky Doolittle to represent the Tantus brand and it’s beliefs is further confirmation to me, that Metis is committed to sex education just as much as she is to safe, fun and beautiful toys.

So what kind of products does Metis choose to occupy her own nightstand? I’ll let her tell you …

Five Sex Toys …

Since 1998, as founder and president of Tantus Inc., I’ve been on the forefront of sexual education and safe effective sex toys as an industry leader. And yes, I’m a toy slut. Not many people in the industry will admit that, a significant amount don’t even play with toys, but I have always got my eye out for what is intriguing, and I own a vast collection of amazing sex toys.

What I’m not is a techno buyer. I have two Violet Wands (one a German deluxe model and one that was my Great-Grandmother’s from the 20’s), an e-stim machine because someone wanted us to make products for it, but I don’t tend to have much interest in the typical multispeed rotational internal devices. Vibratex was amazing in they gave me three different rabbit” style vibrators to try back in the day- one which actually worked for me, but it taught me that bells and whistles just really aren’t for everyone and definitely they aren’t for me. I don’t appreciate internal vibration at all and external vibration for me needs to be powerful. I keep only one battery style vibrator near my bed and it’s a titanium bodied vibrator, powered by 3 lithium batteries, created by a company Elemental Pleasures who unfortunately isn’t around anymore. (*I found the site and it appears the company has reappeared and you can purchase their vibrators HERE - LC)

I LOVE dildos and butt plugs, and while a basic dildo didn’t make my top 5 list, it would be a realistic silicone dildo that was 5 3/8” diameter. (*Personally, I love (and use) my Tantus Echo Vibrator as a dildo :) – LC)

Five Favorite Toys …

1.      Black Widow Connoisseur Harness* by Tantus (SheVibe is pre-selling) –  This is the harness I’ve wanted from the first time I strapped one on. It’s got HUGE attitude and it feels so amazing against my body. You really have to feel the quality of the leather and see the detailing close up. In honesty this line has been in the works since 2002, so Tantus took it’s time until we could really do it right and I’m pretty sure everyone will agree— we did. (* I saw this in person and you are going to LOVE how it feels. – LC)

2.      Saturn by Inner Space – Ray Cirino is an amazing designer who is legendary. He designed all the toys for the centerfolds of the old Penthouse magazines back when the budget was significant. My favorite of those shoots was a gilded bird cage theme with butt plugs with feather plumes, He was one of the first people making body safe products out of quality materials, Lucite and steel, and explaining why he chose the materials he did. He played with the toys and he could tell you intimately why each design was what it was. The toy is no longer available and he’s gone on to work on designs for sustainability projects, but he is one of the grandfathers of sex toy design. I traded Ray a Bend Over Beginner Kit for mine.

3.      Ryder plug by Tantus - The Ryder just really does meet all my criteria for what a plug should be. It took us three prototypes to get the curve from the shoulders to the neck exactly right- but we did it. I’ve never played with a plug that was so comfortable going in, or coming out.

4.      Pure Wand by Njoy - Greg DeLong is another one of those amazing designers that actually plays with toys and loves what he does. I was lucky to be introduced with Greg as he was meeting with the buyers from Babeland back in 2004. In fact the buyer brought me into the meeting. I’ve always loved playing with metal toys, but until Greg came they were all industrial, made for men. Greg made them elegant. The Pure Wand is pure genius.

5.      Plug Ins - I have three plug in vibrators in my dresser drawer. A Magic Wand, an Erosillator and a 7 in 1 Wahl. The one I use most often is The Magic Wand, but the one I recommend most to others, especially women who’ve never orgasmed, is the Wahl. The coil vibrator gets the job done, is inexpensive and very reliable. It’s also available where the other products aren’t. I think it’s the best beginner toy and it sets you up for a lifetime of savvy sex toy connoisseurship.

… and a lube.

You are going to get me in trouble with this because all the high quality lube manufacturers are dear friends— I used to write a lot of industry articles on lubricants. I’m going to have to say Pjur because I love silicone lubricant and their Light Love is just luxuriant. Also Richie Harris, President of Pjur USA, was the first person in the industry who was selling silicone lubricant and explaining to the industry why silicone. Others started producing silicone lube because Richie was doing such amazing business

Metis_Headshot_4-08_webAbout Tantus

Tantus was founded on the belief that each person has the right to a healthy sex life and that sexual health encompasses many aspects of physical and mental well-being. Tantus was one of those companies who changed an entire industry and believes we must listen to our past to pave our future. Tantus believes that a foundation of education will help people live better and happier lives. Tantus believes that our past obligates us to a stewardship for the future of sexual health. Tantus believes that our products and brand should be driven by passion and integrity. Tantus believes that the simple approach is usually the right approach. Tantus believes that with the right people at the right job we can accomplish anything.

CONTACT: 

Twitter: @Tantus
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/tantus
Web: www.tantusinc.com

magic-wand

The Magic Wand

Ryder Plug from Tantus

Ryder Plug from Tantus

The Eroscillator 2 Plus

The Eroscillator 2 Plus

Black Widow Harness from Tantus

Black Widow Harness from Tantus (pre-sale from SHEVIBE.COM)

Wahl 7 in 1 Massager

Wahl 7 in 1 Massager

Bend Over Beginner Kit from Tantus

Bend Over Beginner Kit from Tantus

NJoy Pure Wand

NJoy Pure Wand

bodyglide-light-love

Pjur Bodyglide Light Love

 

 

 

Oct 162013
 

“We’re All Perverts”: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality with Christopher Ryan

Published on Oct 14, 2013 by ReasonTV on YouTube

Humanist_March_Apr11.indd“If you look at us as a species, we’re not very impressive,” says author Christopher Ryan. “What we’re good at is forming complex social networks.”

Christopher Ryan sits down with Reason contributor Thaddeus Russell to discuss his book, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. Together with Cacilda Jethá, Ryan has written about the history of human sexuality and why we should fight against “socially imposed restrictions.” By looking at archaeology, primate biology, human physiology, and anthropological studies of pre-agricultural tribes from around the world, Ryan says we aren’t meant to be in life-long monogamous unions. Watch the video above as Russel and Ryan discuss desire, jealousy and the harmful consequences of repressing healthy sexuality.  About 27 mins.

Oct 152013
 

The Pleasure Chest wants you to know that SEX IS BACK.

sexisbackLast March at CatalystCon East, The Pleasure Chest was set up in conference room with a digital camera, lights and a directive: to ask people about their sex lives for their SEX IS BACK project. I took part, as did a lot of way more fascinating, interesting people including some of the sex-positive community’s most illustrious icons like; Tristan Taormino, Maria Falzone, Jessica Drake, Buck Angel and Megan Andelloux. It’s affirming and inspiring in so many ways to hear how others, discovering their kinky sidelost their virginity,  had an embarrassing sex mishap, the best sex tips and accept who they are. Mine is below, but there’s even more sexy goodness on the SEX IS BACK site so check it out: SEX IS BACK

 

Oct 152013
 
ashley0043

imageedit_2_6414370942-1

ashley0043

“THANK GOD ASHLEY MANTA MOVED TO CALIFORNIA FROM PHILLY.”

I’m not certain there’s a day that goes by where that sentence doesn’t leave my lips.

I had the good fortune to be on a sexuality and body image panel with Ashley Manta at CatalystCon West last month. Enthusiastic and eager she brought an exceptional skill-set and work ethic to the ta

ble, as well as a sense of humor and a vast compendium of knowledge.

Wise beyond her years, Ashley Manta is a sex-ed phenom. Erotic Hypnosis anyone? With a certification in hypnosis, Ashley’s your gal. Erotic hypnosis whilst discussing Shoepenhauer? Ashley has a Masters in Philosophy, so you’re covered.

Active in the Los Angeles sex-positive and Sex Geekdom communities, Ashley  advocates for a well-informed, sex-educated public, particularly around herpes awareness, body image issues and sexual abuse .

She also bakes a mean cupcake with buttercream frosting.

Like most sex educators, Ashley has a ton of toys (She has to. It’s her JOB). I asked her to pick five favorites and a lube and this is what she gave me:

 Five Sex Toys …

1. Fun Factory Stronic Eins – This toy actually thrusts! It’s a powerful silicone insertable and at the very top of my wish list! It curves slightly at the tip to reach the g-spot and the thrusting motion give the g-spot a pleasant massage that is both pleasurable and relaxing.

2. Tantus Juice - You can’t go wrong with Tantus toys, and this one is no exception! It has a gradually increasing thickness that is both pleasurable and non-threatening for beginners. Love it! As with all anal toys, this should be used with copious amounts of lube. Think you have enough? Use more.

3. Lelo Siri – I love this clitoral vibe. It’s great to use during penetrative sex because it can fit securely between two bodies without being unwieldy. Plus it’s silicone. (Are we noticing a trend? It’s true – I am a silicone addict)

4. Njoy Pure Wand – Taking a quick departure from silicone toys – I LOVE this toy. I had never enjoyed g-spot stimulation until I tried this toy. The combination of shape and the weight of this toy is fantastic! It feels delicious as you insert it, and once it’s in, everything you do feels great! Seriously: thrust it, twist it, vibrate it, whatever you do, this toy will provide pleasure.

5. Bandit Dildo – Made of incredible VixSkin (if you haven’t tried this material, you’re missing out!), this toy has a deliciously realistic feel. It’s also a good size to fit into most harnesses (I love the new Tantus line of harnesses that have velcro side closure and deliciously supple leather that looks AND feels sexy!)

 and a LUBE …

Sliquid - I avoid any lube that contains Glycerin or Parabens. That takes a lot of them off the table, unfortunately. Thankfully, the entire Sliquid line is glycerin and paraben free. Their anal lube doesn’t use any desensitizing agents (pain is there for a reason!) and their flavored lubes are sugar free so that they won’t cause yeast infections. This line is great quality and affordable. I love them all!

CIMG5780

Fun Factory Stronic Eins

Unknown

Tantus Juice Plug

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lelo Siri

Lelo Siri

Unknown-1

Bandit Dildo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NJoy Pure Wand

NJoy Pure Wand

Sliquid

Sliquid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Ashley Manta:

ashley0043

Ashley Manta is a sex positive feminist and sexuality educator. She works as a staff writer on topics of sexuality, relationships, and empowerment for the online magazines Evolved World and Kinkly. She is a regular contributor for the Herpes Opportunity, a website and forum that provides support for people living with herpes. She currently sits on the Board of Directors for Voices, Incorporated, a non-profit designed to support survivors of sexual violence. She is also the West Coast Advisor for the Women’s Circle Project, a non-profit geared toward empowering women to become tomorrow’s leaders. Her mission is to empower others and foster personal, relational, and sexual growth. Through one on one coaching, workshops, and hypnosis for stress management, confidence, and motivation she endeavors to help others take control of their lives and make progress in their personal journey.

You can contact Ashley at:

Email: Ashley@AshleyManta.com

Twitter: @ashleymanta

Website: www.AshleyManta.com

Oct 122013
 

tumblr_ludca9CUwQ1r2t9z1o1_500 Originally published on gasm.org on October 11, 2013

At the end of her sexless marriage, Elle Chase went on a journey to seek the one thing she never had. This is the story of what she found.

Recently, after turning 40 and leaving a sexless marriage, I had come to the sobering realization I had never experienced “passion.” In fact, I had never identified myself as a sexual being at all and furthermore, never had pleasurable sex. I ruminated over this discovery and stunned, thought “how is it possible to reach my fortieth year never enjoying sex?” The thought was staggering, “This can’t go on” I said with determination, and made it my number one goal to achieve a fully realized and satisfied sex life … fast.

But what’s a middle-aged woman to do? I was well past the age when most women experiment, I hadn’t dated in ten years and to be honest, “dating” wasn’t interesting to me … unbridled, sweaty, sticky, lustful sex was. I was overwhelmed with what it would take to reach my goal. Where do I even start? I’m not even certain what turns me on!

Thinking back to my teenage years, I remembered that the soft-core porn of the 80’s gave me a certain tickle down-under and that I had come many times to the beautiful works of Anais Nin. The boys of that time watched porn, but these venues were socially acceptable in my circle and readily discussed with my girlfriends. But, right now my sexual thirst was so great I knew these past favorites wouldn’t satisfy. I was parched after years in the desert. I needed to take out the big guns. So, I took the leap. Contrite, I logged online and looked for a tall glass of water.

The World Wide Web offered many choices; gonzo porn, amateur porn … Click HERE to go to GASM.ORG to read the rest

Facebook IconYouTube IconTwitter IconGoogle+Google+Google+Google+facebook like buttontwitter follow button
%d bloggers like this: