Jan 172014
 
blue

Maggie Mayhem

This list and it’s original title “50 Things I’ve Been Meaning To Say About Sex” originally appeared on www.MissMaggieMayhem.com on November 8, 2013.  If you don’t know who Maggie Mayhem is, you should – in my opinion she is one of the great minds of the sex-positive movement. I loved this list so much I wanted to share it with you. Read them.  Print them. Memorize them. Share them with everyone you know and visit her site and her Tumblr often.  So, with permission from Miss Mayhem here is a re-print of “50 Things I’ve been Meaning to Say About Sex. by Maggie Mayhem”   xo LC

 

 

 

  1. There is no easy set of steps for giving or receiving pleasure.
  2. There is no finish line.
  3. Your triumphs and your traumas will impact your sexuality.
  4. Sex itself can be a source of triumph and trauma.
  5. Hydration really does make a difference.
  6. There will be plot twists.
  7. Your sexual preferences may not match your needs or opportunities for pleasure.
  8. Sometimes the most skillful application of touch won’t do what a single caress or glance from someone you are centered upon can do.
  9. It’s more than active or passive. You can be actively-passive and passively-active in sex.
  10. You may summon something you weren’t prepared to receive.
  11. You will experience cognitive dissonance.
  12. You are more beautiful than you know.
  13. You are not entitled to your partner’s sexual backstory. It’s their choice to share.
  14. It’s fucked up to make someone feel bad about their body and how it works.
  15. Take time to breathe.
  16. Sometimes you will be terrified.
  17. Humans have sex for reasons that include but are not limited to pleasure or procreation.
  18. Be prepared for fluids.
  19. You will shed many sexual skins over your lifetime.
  20. Blood sugar really makes a difference.
  21. Using sex as a weapon is when you unilaterally commandeer someone’s body for your use, not when you are soliciting sexual attraction.
  22. Feeling fascinated or attracted to someone does not entitle you to their time and attention.
  23. Things may not meet expectations.
  24. Orgasms are just one piece.
  25. No one else is an authority on your sexuality.
  26. Sometimes you will be confused.
  27. Sometimes you will find ecstasy in the orgiastic, sometimes in the ascetic.
  28. The power of sex to hurt and to heal demands our respect.
  29. Sex is more than what we will ever say about it.
  30. There is no default state of sexual consciousness.
  31. You will find times when words will utterly fail you.
  32. What your body does may not be congruous with your desire.
  33. Context is key.
  34. Sex can be both a source of empowerment and dis-empowerment.
  35. The experience of another may offer wisdom or perspective but it might not be applicable to your life.
  36. An orgasm does not always mean pleasure.
  37. You may run into people who treat you as an inferior version of their projection of you.
  38. There are many different motivations to have sex.
  39. Implemental sex is neither greater nor lesser than non-implemental sex.
  40. The hottest thing in the world might not turn you on anymore.
  41. The value placed upon any given sex act or object is relational rather than intrinsic.
  42. Random causes should not be confused with essential facts.
  43. Your props of sexual summoning will change over time.
  44. Sexual union on non-physical planes exists.
  45. No element of sex is compulsory.
  46. Consciously changing your breathing patterns will change your experience of sex.
  47. Sex can be an instrument of knowing.
  48. Sexual definitions will fail to contain their referents.
  49. There’s really no such thing as an expert on sex.
  50. I don’t endorse everything I’ve said or thought about sex, not even this list.

 

MagicWand-728x90

Nov 192013
 
313827_203025979822776_129428443_n

This made me cheer a little in my mouth.

Burlesque Dancer, Amanda Trusty, depicts her body image journey through her art and makes us all a little bit

better for it.

On November 22, 2013, Amanda will be interviewed on The Today Show in New York City at 8am EST. Her

viral burlesque video to Katy Perry’s Roar has been featured on Huffington Post and Jezebel. Watch the powerful statement she makes (in the above YouTube video)

photo

Continue to follow Amanda’s popular blog on eating, performing, and what it’s like to live in a body controlled by the entertainment biz here: Trust Me, I’ve Been There

Oct 152013
 

The Pleasure Chest wants you to know that SEX IS BACK.

sexisbackLast March at CatalystCon East, The Pleasure Chest was set up in conference room with a digital camera, lights and a directive: to ask people about their sex lives for their SEX IS BACK project. I took part, as did a lot of way more fascinating, interesting people including some of the sex-positive community’s most illustrious icons like; Tristan Taormino, Maria Falzone, Jessica Drake, Buck Angel and Megan Andelloux. It’s affirming and inspiring in so many ways to hear how others, discovering their kinky sidelost their virginity,  had an embarrassing sex mishap, the best sex tips and accept who they are. Mine is below, but there’s even more sexy goodness on the SEX IS BACK site so check it out: SEX IS BACK

 

Oct 122013
 

tumblr_ludca9CUwQ1r2t9z1o1_500 Originally published on gasm.org on October 11, 2013

At the end of her sexless marriage, Elle Chase went on a journey to seek the one thing she never had. This is the story of what she found.

Recently, after turning 40 and leaving a sexless marriage, I had come to the sobering realization I had never experienced “passion.” In fact, I had never identified myself as a sexual being at all and furthermore, never had pleasurable sex. I ruminated over this discovery and stunned, thought “how is it possible to reach my fortieth year never enjoying sex?” The thought was staggering, “This can’t go on” I said with determination, and made it my number one goal to achieve a fully realized and satisfied sex life … fast.

But what’s a middle-aged woman to do? I was well past the age when most women experiment, I hadn’t dated in ten years and to be honest, “dating” wasn’t interesting to me … unbridled, sweaty, sticky, lustful sex was. I was overwhelmed with what it would take to reach my goal. Where do I even start? I’m not even certain what turns me on!

Thinking back to my teenage years, I remembered that the soft-core porn of the 80’s gave me a certain tickle down-under and that I had come many times to the beautiful works of Anais Nin. The boys of that time watched porn, but these venues were socially acceptable in my circle and readily discussed with my girlfriends. But, right now my sexual thirst was so great I knew these past favorites wouldn’t satisfy. I was parched after years in the desert. I needed to take out the big guns. So, I took the leap. Contrite, I logged online and looked for a tall glass of water.

The World Wide Web offered many choices; gonzo porn, amateur porn … Click HERE to go to GASM.ORG to read the rest

Jul 022013
 
426932_225709697528042_1359787222_n

426932_225709697528042_1359787222_nJoin me on Sexxx Talk Radio w/ Alyssa Royse tomorrow, July 3rd at 4:00 PST talking about BIG Beautiful Sex and taking questions … www.prn.fm
Call in to PRN with your questions: 888-874-4888

With a new topic each week, hosts Alyssa Royse and Lanae St. John discuss the ways that sex is shaping the world around us. Whether it’s sex in the news media, probing the minds of experts, politicians and celebrities, or helping you understand both your body and the politics of sexuality, they’ll get busy with it.

More information is available at their blog: sexxxtalkradio.com/

Jul 022013
 
426932_225709697528042_1359787222_n

426932_225709697528042_1359787222_nJoin me on Sexxx Talk Radio w/ Alyssa Royse tomorrow, July 3rd at 4:00 PST talking about BIG Beautiful Sex and taking questions … www.prn.fm
Call in to PRN with your questions: 888-874-4888

With a new topic each week, hosts Alyssa Royse and Lanae St. John discuss the ways that sex is shaping the world around us. Whether it’s sex in the news media, probing the minds of experts, politicians and celebrities, or helping you understand both your body and the politics of sexuality, they’ll get busy with it.

More information is available at their blog: sexxxtalkradio.com/

Jun 072013
 
BawdyLA-April-24-ElCid-204x300

If you weren’t in Los Angeles for Bawdy Storytelling, No Holds Barred at the fabulous El Cid in April and missed my story … here it is should you want to

take a listen by clicking the link below. 

Lady Cheeky Cheeky Swings at Bawdy Storytelling LA!

BawdyLA-April-24-ElCid

Now, go buy your tickets for the next L.A. Bawdy Storytelling show which I promise will be a SEX GEEK BLOWOUT!

Get tickets HERE for ‘Bawdy’s Sex Geek Secrets’ on JUNE 27th at BUSBY’s EAST which will feature a live 100th Anniversary podcast of Nerdist’s SEX NERD SANDRA!

Performers include:
- Nerdist.com sex blogger Sex Nerd Sandra
- Sex educator & Role Model Reid Mihalko
- Physicist & Pornstar Ned Mayhem
- Music by Windows to Sky
- Way more storytellers to come!

next_event_staticThank you Dixie De La Tour for inviting me and for coaching me through the scary! Thank you Ethan Feerst for being a tech wizard and cutting my piece so I could have it for posterity!

 

Apr 052013
 
Cheeky-480x640px

BY   Orginally appeared on TheRumpus.net   on  4/5/13

Tweet sex sites are a many splendored thing, opening doors to fluid identities that are both sexy and risk-free while erecting an emotional firewall to avoid real, personal rejection. My hackles go up whenever I think about technology replacing human touch, but when I met Lady Cheeky and heard her story of seeking and finding passion via tweet sex, I witnessed a brave new world where one woman’s sexuality was accessed in an accelerated way that involved wooing, teasing, and palpable passion.

“Lady Cheeky” is her Anglophile cybersex identity name, where she is a servant/vessel/wench. We met on the floor at Marilyn Friedman’s essay writing workshop, which I signed up for during a dark time. After dozens of agent rejections flooded my inbox for over a year, I longed to sit in a room with other writers again, hoping to inject my writing with joy by learning new literary tricks from veteran journalist, Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Our assignment was to tell the group what our essay was about and then say one more line declaring what our essay was “really” about.

Lady Cheeky’s wavy, Lucille Ball hair matched her bright red lips. Her curves punched out of her ’40s frock, as she told a hilarious topsy-turvy tale about role-playing on a True Blood-themed, Twitter-based direct message and tweet stream, which led her to start her smart and sexy websites where she met “Lord Byron,” hired a P.I. to check another lover out, and divorced her husband. She also overcame a rare sexual disorder; started a popular sensual images blog; began writing and publishing real-life erotica based on her new, passion-filled experiences; is in the process of working on a memoir; has a new story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s upcoming erotica anthology, The Big Book of Orgasm; and is currently speaking about body image and sensuality, as well as integrative sensuality.

Lady Cheeky’s story beneath the story was flesh and bone ache deriving from a phantom limb that was pummeled awake by HBO’s True Blood series. I wanted to know more about how True Blood was the springboard to becoming a sexually actualized woman, capable and deserving of passion.

… To read the rest of the interview, CLICK HERE:logo-sm

Apr 052013
 
Cheeky-480x640px

BY   Orginally appeared on TheRumpus.net   on  4/5/13

Tweet sex sites are a many splendored thing, opening doors to fluid identities that are both sexy and risk-free while erecting an emotional firewall to avoid real, personal rejection. My hackles go up whenever I think about technology replacing human touch, but when I met Lady Cheeky and heard her story of seeking and finding passion via tweet sex, I witnessed a brave new world where one woman’s sexuality was accessed in an accelerated way that involved wooing, teasing, and palpable passion.

“Lady Cheeky” is her Anglophile cybersex identity name, where she is a servant/vessel/wench. We met on the floor at Marilyn Friedman’s essay writing workshop, which I signed up for during a dark time. After dozens of agent rejections flooded my inbox for over a year, I longed to sit in a room with other writers again, hoping to inject my writing with joy by learning new literary tricks from veteran journalist, Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Our assignment was to tell the group what our essay was about and then say one more line declaring what our essay was “really” about.

Lady Cheeky’s wavy, Lucille Ball hair matched her bright red lips. Her curves punched out of her ’40s frock, as she told a hilarious topsy-turvy tale about role-playing on a True Blood-themed, Twitter-based direct message and tweet stream, which led her to start her smart and sexy websites where she met “Lord Byron,” hired a P.I. to check another lover out, and divorced her husband. She also overcame a rare sexual disorder; started a popular sensual images blog; began writing and publishing real-life erotica based on her new, passion-filled experiences; is in the process of working on a memoir; has a new story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s upcoming erotica anthology, The Big Book of Orgasm; and is currently speaking about body image and sensuality, as well as integrative sensuality.

Lady Cheeky’s story beneath the story was flesh and bone ache deriving from a phantom limb that was pummeled awake by HBO’s True Blood series. I wanted to know more about how True Blood was the springboard to becoming a sexually actualized woman, capable and deserving of passion.

… To read the rest of the interview, CLICK HERE:logo-sm

Mar 192013
 

 

feb 22 art and motherhood

I just recently returned from a vacation in Japan and had the wonderful opportunity to visit my first onsen. Onsen is the Japanese word for hot spring. Being a volcanic country, this provides the perfect environment for there to be many located around Japan. These public bathing facilities are great for the countries tourism, but moreover, just a great place to relax.

While using the onsen, you are not allowed to wear any clothing. This is quite the liberating experience, especially when you go with family members. Now obviously it isn’t polite to stare considering that everyone is naked, but you’re bound to look around.

While I was submerged in the heavenly hot and mineral rich water, I took in the scene around me. There were around 100 plus women in the facility at the time and their ages varied from toddlers to those who were well into their 80’s. Something struck me as very peculiar as I was surveying all of the bodies. Despite their lean and lithe build, I noticed that almost every woman had stretch marks. That was the point where it really hit me that stretch marks can happen to anyone.

Stretch marks are a type of scarring that can happen when there is rapid growth and stretching of the skin. They often occur during puberty, pregnancy, and can even happen during muscle building. The marks can appear anywhere on the body, but are usually found in areas where there are high amounts of fat stored, like the abdomen, breasts, arms, thighs, hips, and buttocks.

Stretch marks are commonly a darker, reddish color, which later fade into a lighter hue over time. The dark color is from the dermis (the inner layer of skin) being torn and exposing the blood vessels in the skin. As the tears heal, the stretch marks return to a color similar to the surrounding skin. They pose no health risks but can often cause some mixed feelings to those who have them.

The largest sexual organ on our body is our skin. And when there are perceived flaws on it, it can be the source for many negative thoughts. The prevalence, let alone the normalcy, of stretch marks should be known and in no way are an indication of damaged goods. If you’re still stressing over the stretch marks, there are topical creams and laser procedures that you can undergo. The results are varied, and in some cases, can be very expensive.

Please consider embracing yourself for all that you are. You are more than the sum of your scars and imperfections. More love and less loathing. It starts with you. If you can’t love yourself, how is anyone else going to? Beauty is more than skin deep, so don’t let some scars get you down. And when it comes to sex, everything is OK here.

 

MeStripeDress

Dr. Megan Stubbs, EdD, ACS is a Grand Rapids based Sexologist. She loves the media and currently appears on West Michigan’s morning television show, Take Five & Company, on WZZM 13, as a sexuality and relationship expert and also co-hosts the nighttime radio show, Holmes and the FreakShow, on 104.5 WSNX/Grand Rapids, 92-5 KISS FM/Toledo & on iHeartRadio worldwide. She also just started a NEW weekly podcast called ‘Sex and Sports’ on ESPN 96.1. When not sharing her voice across the airwaves, Dr. Megan writes articles for various online outlets and hosts workshops locally and around the country. Check her out at www.SexologistMegan.com. Follow her on Twitter @SexologistMegan and like her on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/EverythingIsOKHere.

%d bloggers like this: